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January 20, 2015
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We can all agree that if Martin Luther King were alive today, the #1 thing he would care about is your personal brand.

There are only two things all human beings agree on: Pizza tastes good, and Martin Luther King Jr. was a great man. As such, everyone wants to hop on social media on Martin Luther King Day and let the world know that they are Team Martin. This is great. MLK was an immensely caring man, and we can all agree that if he were alive today, the #1 thing he would care about is your personal brand. Here’s some tips on how to make MLK Day about you.


1. Remind the world that Dr. King’s dream was mainly about football.

Dr. King led a long, hard march to victory in the civil rights movement. He faced character assassination, threats to himself and his family, and eventually he lost his life. Oh man, know who that reminds the Seattle Seahawks of? The Seattle Seahawks.

Seahawks MLK tweet.jpg

In this quickly-deleted tweet, the Seahawks posted a Martin Luther King quote alongside a photo of QB Russell Wilson weeping after the Hawks’ (admittedly thrilling) victory over Green Bay. Kudos to the Seahawks for realizing that their overtime victory had so much in common with the struggle for basic human rights.


2. Don’t do draft Martin Luther King as an unlikely political ally.

Remember how Martin Luther King fought so valiantly to keep people from talking about race, ever? Tea Partier “Wild Bill” Finley sure does. That’s why, as he explains in the above video to a rapturous audience of white people, “The Tea Party is taking Dr. Martin Luther King away from the liberal left.” Mr. Cowboy Hat adds, “To you race-baiting promoters of division and hatred, you’re not getting him back until you renounce your shameful skin color politics and start practicing the politics of character.”

Is it iffy to talk about an African-American leader who fought the legacy of slavery like he’s a possession you can “take”? Sure. But Dr. King was a risk-taker. He’d be proud of you for really going for it. And if you really want to hammer home that you are the only non-racists in the world, make sure to close with some sort of monkey joke.


3. Compare yourself to Dr. King. Go ahead. It’s fine.

Did Barack Obama write a letter to conservative pundit Dinesh D’Souza attempting to blackmail him into killing himself? He must have, since D’Souza casts himself as Martin Luther King and the first black President as his “tormentor” in this reboot.

The parallels between heroes D’Souza and King don’t stop there: they also both ran afoul of the law.

Of course, King was incarcerated for civil disobedience, while D’Souza was convicted of campaign finance fraud. Basically samesies.


4. Make sure your MLK quotes are Pinterest-worthy.

Conundrum: You want to celebrate Dr. King’s legacy, but as a white girl, how can you, personally, make it cute? Easy: Beautiful cursive. Take an MLK quote, put it in a gorgeous curly font, and plaster your social media with that sucker. Oh, and maybe Instagram it on your Anthropologie bedspread with a sweet glitter mani, as Taylor Swift did. Shake it* off!

* Structural racism.

Taylor Swift MLK.jpg

5. Remember the true civil rights heroes: Dogs.

Dog Whisperer Cesar Milian reminds us how great dogs are, and how great MLK was, in two efficient tweets. Civil rights protesters never had any problems with dogs, right? Well…


6. Write a cynical clickbait list about him.

Done.

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