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Finally a season of The Bachelor featuring people of color. It's doesn't last very long, though.
Published March 02, 2014 100k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Writer: Eliza Skinner
Director/Editor: Pat Bishop
Producer: Better Bentley
Producer: Jay Ellis
Starring: Terrell Owens, Jay Ellis, Tatyana Ali, Joyful Drake, and Miranda Mayo
Featuring: Coby Bell and Tanisha Lynn
DP: Mike Karnell
AC: Casey Donahue
2nd Camera Op: Justin Westfall
G&E: Joel Stout
G&E: Rob Streeper
Gaffer: Ian Thomas
Production Design: Tricia Robertson
Sound: Ben Forman
PA: Cole McFarlane
Hair & Makeup: Jenn Osborne and Leigh Schwartz
2,353 Funny Votes
348 Die Votes
103,854 Views
Published March 02, 2014

- WELCOME TO YOUR ROSE CEREMONY LADIES.
IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE A ROSE TONIGHT,
THEN YOU IMMEDIATELY RETURN HOME.
I WISH YOU ALL GOOD LUCK, AND REMEMBER
EACH OF YOU DESERVE LOVE.
HERE'S JAY.
- MY BUTTERFLIES. ALL OF YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
THIS IS HARD. I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS TO BE
SO DIFFICULT.
CHRISTIE.
I HAVE A ROSE FOR YOU.
- I DON'T WANT YOUR TIRED ROSE.
- [gasps] WHAT?
- I JUST SAW YOU KISSING ON LIKE FIVE GIRLS,
BEFORE YOU CAME IN HERE:
CHELSEA, GERALDINE, CRYSTAL, LUCY, AND LISA.
- YEAH BUT, HE'S MY BOYFRIEND.
- [all girls] WHAT? NO.
- GIRL, THAT IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.
LOOK AT HIM, HE IS WEARING BODY MAKEUP.
- LADIES, LADIES, C'MON.
I MEAN THAT'S HOW THE SHOW WORKS.
- NO, THAT'S NOT HOW I WORK.
- THIS WHOLE SHOW IS STUPID.
WHY ARE WE LETTING YOU CHOOSE WHICH ONE OF US
GETS TO BE WITH YOU?
- I-- I-- I DON'T KNOW.
- I AM A CONCERT PIANIST. JENNIFER IS A
PUBLISHED AUTHOR. WHAT DO YOU DO JAY?
- I BRAID HAIR--
- NO GIRL, NOT RIGHT NOW.
- WELL, I'M A FORMER COLLEGE BASKETBALL PLAYER.
- REALLY? DOES THAT PAY WELL, BECAUSE
I'M PRETTY SURE YOU GRADUATED 8 YEARS AGO JAY.
- [some girls whisper] THAT'S TRUE...
- WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?
- WELL MY FAMILY IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.
- OH HELL NAW, DID YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS?
[girls gasp]
- WHAT? NO!
- NO, NO...
[interposing voices]
- LISTEN CHRISTIE, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
APART OF THIS SHOW ANYMORE, THEN THAT'S FINE.
YOU CAN GO.
- [gasps] CAN I GO? THANK YOU, CREEPY BUTLER.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE, CHRISTIE?
I'LL JUST GIVE THIS ROSE TO, JENNIFER.
- I DON'T WANT THAT.
- WHAT?
- YOU HAD ME DRESS UP LIKE A COOKIE.
[girls gasp]
- AND SING KARAOKE JAY!
I'M A GROWN ASS WOMAN, AND I'M PUBLISHED
IN 3 LANGUAGES.
- BABY, C'MON, WE HAD A CONNECTION.
I FELT SOMETHING VERY DEEP WITH YOU.
- I DON'T WANT YOUR [bleep],
AND I DON'T WANT YOUR ROSE.
- OKAY, UH, LISA, BABY. YOU KNEW I WAS GOING
TO GIVE YOU A ROSE ANYWAY.
- WHAT'S MY LAST NAME?
- UM, KAYE. YEP. IT'S LISA KAYE.
- IT'S KAPELLAR, OKAY? IT'S LISA KAPELLAR.
- BABY, I-- I DON'T KNOW. THERE'S A LOT OF
NAMES TO REMEMBER. THERE'S LIKE 25 OF YOU.
- WELL IT'S LIKE A MILLION OF YOU.
AND THE NEXT TIME I WANT TO FIND ONE I'LL JUST
GO TO A APPLEBEE'S HAPPY HOUR.
[GIRLS]: HA!
- APPLEBEE'S?
- AND I CAN BUY MY OWN ROSE. THEY'RE
ONLY LIKE .99 CENTS.
- IT'S A SYMBOL OF MY LOVE-- IT'S A SYMBOL.
- OH...I HAVE A SYMBOL FOR YOU TOO.
- [GIRLS]: YES, GIRL.
GET IT, GET IT.
YOU GO GIRL.
- YOU KNOW WHAT GIRLS? WHO WANTS A MARGARITA?
- [GIRLS]: YES.
[interposing voices]
- WHAT-- WHAT?
- THERE'S A TGI FRIDAY'S RIGHT DOWN THE STREET.
- I STILL GOT MORE ROSES.
- NEXT SEASON ON THE BLACK BACHELORETTE.
- WILL YOU ACCEPT THIS ROSE?
- OF COURSE.
I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO HAWAII, AND SWIM
IN THE OCEAN WITH YOU.
- OH NO HONEY, THIS IS BRAND NEW HAIR.
GIVE ME BACK THAT ROSE.

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The Honest Bachelor

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