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zak engeland

Orphaned as a baby Mr. Engeland was taken in by wolves. He was removed by the state when neither of his wolf parents could show any discernable income. He was placed in the custody of revialist evangelicals and at the age of twelve ran away to find a more normal childhood. Shortly there after he joined the circus and traveled with them as a knife-thrower. He was taught the ways of the world by a much older temptress and co-worker the "three-eyed lady." One day while practicing his craft he took out the third eye of his mistress. Unable to forgive him and unable to work in the freak show with only two good eyes, she left the cicus and took a job at a Wall Street firm as a commodities trader. She never spoke to him again. Mr. Engeland vowed then to never throw another knife unless it be through his own heart. After years of wandering in darkness and various schools of social and political thought Mr. Engeland turned to comedy in the hopes that he could one day write the greatest dick joke ever. A dream that still drives him today.