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Did you see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes? Erin and Bryan did and we're not... more »
Published July 22, 2014 30k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Special Guests Jack and Rachel Antonoff
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Special Guest: LP
Producer: Ross Buran
Producer: Ben Sheehan
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

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>: (ERIN): THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER): THROWING SHADE.

3

>: (BRYAN): WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

>: (ERIN): AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

>: (BRYAN): TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES AND POLITICS,

6

>: (ERIN): AND POP CULTURE,

7

>: (BRYAN) AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH

8

LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

9

>: (ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

10

>: (in a pretend doggy voice: HI, BRYAN.

11

>: OH THERE SHE IS.
>: MY NAME IS JAYDA.

12

>: HI JAYDA.
>: I LOVE ALL...

13

I'M HERE TO TALK
ABOUT DOG ISSUES.

14

>: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THIS ALL DAY.

15

>: BONES ARE GOING UP.
>: MM-HMM.

16

>: I HAVE... DO YOU KNOW HOW
MANY CATS ARE GETTING MY JOB?

17

>: ERIN, BUT I SEE YOUR MOUTH MOVING.

18

>: OH.
>: THAT'S WHAT SUCKS. THERE WE GO.

19

>: HI JAYDA.
>: I WISH THERE WAS A PURGE--

20

>: (laughs)
>: IS THAT, FOR ONE DAY A WHOLE YEAR--

21

>: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE SOBBING BEHIND A DOG.

22

>: MMH... THIS FEELS GOOD.
>: SO FUN FOR ME.

23

>: OH MAN--
>: I DO LOVE DOGS.

24

>: IT'S LIKE BEING LICKED BY A FISH.
>: OR A DOG.

25

>: YEAH, BUT WITH A FISH MOUTH.
>: SURE.

26

>: BYE JAYDA.
>: BYE JAYDA.

27

>: SHE DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE.
>: SHE'LL STAY RIGHT THERE.

28

>: SHE'S OLD. SHE DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO.

29

>: SHE'S WORLD WEARY.
SHE'S SEEN IT ALL.
>: DO YOU WANT

30

TO SMELL MY FACE?
>: NO.

31

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT PISSED ME OFF.
>: WOAH, WHAT A CHANGE

32

JUST NOW.
>: I KNOW, BECAUSE IT REALLY PISSED

33

ME OFF AND WE TALKED A
LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT, BUT

34

I THINK IT'S WORTH MENTIONING.
DAWN OF THE

35

PLANET OF THE FUCKING APES.
>: OH.

36

>: I HATED IT.
>: YEAH.

37

>>I NEVER HATED A MOVIE MORE.
AT FIRST I WAS FINE, I WAS

38

EATING MY POPCORN, AND I
SAW THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES--

39

>: WELL I ALREADY SEE THE PROBLEM.
YOU CAN'T EAT

40

POPCORN IN THE MOVIES NOW.
IT'S VERY--

41

>: I KNOW WHAT I DO.
I EAT POPCORN... I POP IT MYSELF

42

IN THERE.
>: OH.

43

>: I TAKE A LIGHTER, AND I
HOLD IT UNDER THE JIFFY POP

44

AND I DO LIKE THIS WITH
THE METAL THE

45

WHOLE TIME, AND IT POP,
POP, POP, POP, POPS--

46

>: YEAH.
>: IF I CAN'T HEAR WHAT'S
HAPPENING OVER

47

THE POPPING, I HATE THE MOVIE.
FIRST FIVE MINUTES

48

OF THAT MOVIE I WAS LIKE,
OH,
IT'S JUST APES.

49

A) IT'S JUST APES.
B) THERE'S ONLY
ONE FEMALE APE, AND SHE'S

50

BASICALLY DYING. THERE WAS THE ONLY REPRESENTATION

51

OF A WOMAN IN THAT MOVIE.
>: DID YOU KNOW THAT, THAT WAS

52

PLAYED BY JUDY GREER?
>: WHICH IS MORE INSANE, THAT

53

THEY WERE LIKE,
WHO SHOULD WE GET TO GO LIKE THIS?

54

ONE WOMAN CAN DO IT. JUDY GREER.
WHY WAS SHE IN THAT MOVIE?

55

>: THEY WERE BASICALLY LIKE,
JUDY, DO YOU WANT TO MAKE

56

$75,000 DOLLARS, ALL YOU
HAVE TO DO IS WEAR A TRON

57

SUIT WITH A BUNCH OF DOTS ON IT.
>: INSANITY. AND THEN

58

A) ALL OF THAT,
B) SHE WAS THE ONLY FEMALE APE,
C) NO

59

GAY APES, AND D) WOW, I'M SO TIRED
>: WOW, THERE WERE GAY

60

APES BUT THEY WERE...
YOU KNOW THAT UNDERGROUND THING

61

WHERE ALL THE HYDRO
ELECTRIC PLANT? THAT'S

62

WHERE THEY KEPT THE GAY APES.
>: OH, THEY DID.

63

THAT'S JUST WHAT YOU THOUGHT.
>: THERE WERE

64

PLOT HOLES AND I FILLED THEM IN.
>: ARE YOU STILL DOING

65

THAT THING WHERE YOU SCREAM
OUT THE PLOT HOLES DURING IT?

66

I'LL TELL YA--
>: THE GAY APES ARE IN THE HYDRO-ELECTRIC

67

PLANT EVERYBODY.
>: THAT'S WHY YOU AND I--

68

>: THEY'RE IN PRISON.
RISE UP. THIS SHOULD BE THE RISE

69

OF THE PLANET OF THE APES.
>: WE'VE NEVER--

70

>: OR DAWN. THEY
NAMED IT BACKWARDS.

71

>: YEAH. I AGREE.
>: IT WAS RISE THEN DAWN?

72

>: I DON'T KNOW JUST GET
TO THE FUCKING PLANET.

73

>: IT'S CALLED--
>: WHEN IS IT THE PLANET? WHY DO

74

WE NEED TWO MOVIES BEFORE THE PLANET?
>: WE'RE GOING TO

75

NEED A THOUSAND MOVIES
TO GET US TO THE 1970S.

76

>: THIS IS NOT WHAT
CHARLTON HESTON HAD IN MIND. I'M

77

JUST, WELL WHATEVER, (sigh) I-I...
>: ARE YOU OK?

78

>: NO I AM NOT. A) I'M ABOUT
TO HAVE A HEAT STROKE.

79

B) APES DID NOTHING,
I MEAN NOTHING... IT MADE ME EXCITED

80

FOR TURTLES, AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
I DON'T WANT

81

TO WATCH TEENAGERS BE TURTLES.
I COULD BARELY

82

WATCH A TEENAGER AT HOME
DRIVING ME CRAZY WHEN THEY

83

GET IN AT 12:30 AM. AND THEN
THAT PLUS TURTLES?

84

>: WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
(laughs) YOU'RE LOOKING

85

STRAIGHT UP. I UNDERSTAND
LOOKING TO THE SIDE--

86

>: I FEEL SORRY FOR ALL
THE MOMMAS, ALL MY MOMMAS--

87

THAT'S WHAT SARAH PALIN
SHOULD DO THIS YEAR--
ALL YOUR MOMMIES?

88

>: ALL MY MOMMA TURTLES,
AREN'T WE SICK OF THE TEENS?

89

>: THAT'S WHO WILL WIN PRESIDENT.

90

91

>: THOR'S GOING TO BE A WOMAN.
>: YEAH I HEARD.

92

>: DO YOU KNOW WHO THOR IS?
>: BY HAMMERS RIGHT... WHATEVER.

93

HE IS THE ORIGINAL JUDGE JUDY?

94

>: HE IS.
>: HE SMASHES IT DOWN
AND SERVES JUSTICE.

95

>: AND, BUT DOES WEAR A CAPE.
THEY ANNOUNCED THIS

96

ON THE VIEW WHICH IS--
>: THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT.

97

COMIC BOOKS AND THE VIEW
GO TOGETHER LIKE PEANUT BUTTER

98

AND FECES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
>: I THINK THEY DID

99

IT BECAUSE THE VIEW IS A
DISNEY COMPANY, AND MARVEL'S

100

OWNED BY DISNEY.
>: OOH, THAT COULD BE TRUE.

101

>: I DON'T KNOW.
>: WHY CAN'T THE VIEW HAVE A

102

SUPERHERO MOVIE?
>: NO.

103

>: YES.
>: MM-MM.
IT WOULD BE ANNOUNCED THAT THOR'S

104

GOING TO BE A WOMAN.
SO BIG NEWS ON THE VIEW.

105

>: THIS IS HOW SHE ANNOUNCED IT.
OH, IT'S GOING TO BE A WOMAN.

106

THAT'S WHAT SHE DOES ON THAT SHOW.
>: SHE CLOSES HER EYES.

107

>: SHE JUST TAKES A NAP AND THEN
IS LIKE, NOW, GREAT.
>: YEAH

108

THEY DO HAVE A CATTLE
PRODDER THAT ZAPS HER--

109

>: SHE JUST GETS ZAPPED,
AND THEN SHE SPEAKS UP.

110

>: THIS IS FROM THE PRESS
RELEASE FROM MARVEL.

111

THE INSCRIPTION ON THOR'S HAMMER
READS WHOEVER HOLDS

112

THIS HAMMER, IF HE BE WORTHY,
SHALL POSSESS THE

113

POWER OF THOR. WELL
IT'S TIME TO UPDATE
THAT INSCRIPTION.

114

AND THIS NEW THOR ISN'T A
TEMPORARY FEMALE SUBSTITUTE.

115

SHE'S NOW THE ONE,
AND ONLY THOR,
AND SHE IS WORTHY.

116

THAT'S LITERALLY IN THE
PRESS RELEASE--
>: SO MALE

117

THOR IS GONE?
>: NO, HE STILL EXISTS--

118

>: OH.
>: BUT HE FUCKED UP,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY

119

SAY, A MAN DONE FUCK UP,
A LADY HAS TO FINISH IT.

120

>: RIGHT.
>: SO, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
THEY TOOK

121

FROM THAT OLD SAYING, AND
THEY MADE THIS NEW THOR.

122

THE GUY WHO WRITES THOR,
JASON AARON, TWO FIRST NAMES.

123

>: THAT'S FROM GAME OF THRONES.
>: JASON AARON?

124

>: YEAH.
>: HUH?

125

>: WHO'S THE ONE THAT DIES
AT THE FIRST EPISODE OF

126

GAME OF THRONES?
>: BOBBY BROWN?

127

>: OK.
>: ROBERT STARK?

128

>: NO, YOU DON'T KNOW.
>: YOU DON'T KNOW EITHER.

129

>: YES, I DO. I'VE BEEN WATCHING
SEASON ONE.

130

>: YEAH, BUT I REMEMBER,
THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO.

131

>: THE HEAD OF THE KING. WHOEVER...
I DON'T CARE,

132

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. EH, GO.
TO ME IT'S THE HOBBIT.

133

TO ME IT'S THE HOBBIT.
>: WHY ARE YOU WATCHING
IT THEN?

134

IT'S NOT THE HOBBIT.
>: IT IS THE HOBBIT.

135

>: SO, JASON AARON SAID,
JUST TO CLARIFY, THIS IS NOT

136

SHE-THOR, THIS IS THE THOR
OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE.

137

I LOVE HIS LIKE, DON'T COME AT
ME WITH ALL YOUR BULLSHIT

138

INTERNET BECAUSE I'M NOT HAVING IT.
>: THIS IS THE

139

LAST THOR--
>: I WRITE THIS SHIT, AND
I TELL YOU

140

HOW IT IS.
>: YEAH.

141

>: AND PEOPLE, YOU'LL BE
SHOCKED, HAVE A PROBLEM.

142

>: I BELIEVE IT.
>: YEAH.

143

>: I MEAN, WHO IS THAT IN TO THOR?
LIKE GAY PEOPLE RIGHT?

144

>: NO.
>: TO ME, THOR HAS

145

ALWAYS BEEN LIKE A GAY ICON,
LIKE THE LONG BLOND HAIR,

146

THE CHISELED THING, LIKE THE HEMSWORTHS.
>: A LOT OF THE

147

GIRLS WERE COMPLAINING BECAUSE,
SOMEONE TWEETED,

148

I HEAR THOR IS NOW A FEMALE.
SO WHAT HAPPENS TO

149

CHRIS HEMSWORTH?
>: HE DIES.

150

>: WE MURDER HIM. YEAH.
WE HAVE TO MURDER HIM IN REAL LIFE.

151

>: THAT'S JUST THE END OF THE ROAD.
>: THIS KID

152

JACKSON HOLLAND SAID,
THEY TURNED THOR IN TO A GIRL,

153

WTF.
>: YEAH.

154

>: BUT DIDN'T SAY A QUESTION MARK--
>: YEAH.

155

>: BECAUSE IF YOU
START WITH WHAT, IT'S USUALLY
A QUESTION.

156

>: I THINK IT MEANS WHAT THE FUN.
HE PROBABLY LOVES

157

IT.
>: OH. YOU'RE RIGHT.

158

THAT'S WHY HE USES ALL OF
THESE ELLIPSES. THIS IS

159

ROCK MORNINGS, MARVEL IS
REPLACING THOR WITH A WOMAN.

160

THE OUTFIT WILL REMAIN
THE SAME, BUT THE WEAPON WILL

161

CHANGE FROM A HAMMER
TO A BALL BUSTER.
>: OH GREAT.

162

AND WHAT'S THAT LOOK LIKE?
>: WELL, UM--

163

>: A HAMMER PROBABLY?
>: YEAH, IT'S A HAMMER. YEAH.

164

>: BUT DO THEY THINK SHE'S
LIKE AN ANGRY HOUSEWIFE?

165

>: YES.
>: IS THAT WHAT THE NEW THOR IS?

166

>: THIS IS MS. WHITE PAID.
>: FROM CLUE?

167

>: YEAH, YOU BETTER BELIEVE.
>: I'M SORRY, BUT @MARVEL I'M A

168

WOMAN AND I LOVE READING
COMICS AND WATCHING SUPER

169

HERO MOVIES.
>: BUT I HATE MYSELF.

170

>: I DON'T WANT A FEMALE THOR.
>: OK.

171

>: HASHTAG #IMHO.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU BASING
IT OFF OF?

172

YOU JUST HATE OTHER WOMAN?
>: DO PEOPLE IDOLIZE THOR?

173

BECAUSE I COULD SEE HOW LIKE
A BIG COMIC BOOK NERD WOULD

174

BE LIKE, "WHAT HAPPEN TO
MY THOR.", LIKE WOULD JUST BE HEART

175

BROKEN OVER THOR DISAPPEARING.
>: BUT THESE ARE--

176

>: IF SOMEONE TOLD ME THE
ROLE OF WHITNEY HOUSTON

177

FROM NOW ON WILL BE PLAYED
BY FRENCH STEWART, I WOULD

178

BE SO PISSED.
>: THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

179

>: I MEAN THAT'S TRUE.
>: NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO LIKE

180

STUNT CAST WHITNEY HOUSTON.
>: (laughs)

181

>: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WE GET TO KEEP OUR OVER PRECIOUS

182

PEOPLE BECAUSE SO THEY'RE SO
FEW OF THEM.
>: OK.

183

>: TIME MAGAZINE SPOKE TO
JASON AARON, AND ASKED HIM

184

DO YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU
WRITE FOR A FEMALE CHARACTER

185

ROLE, AND HE HAD THE BEST ANSWER,
HE SAID, "NO, I MEAN IT DOESN'T

186

CHANGE FOR ME. THE STORY
DIDN'T COME ABOUT BECAUSE

187

OF ANY SORT OF MANDATE.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE THREW A DART AT

188

A BOARD AND SAID WE'RE GOING
TO CHANGE THIS CHARACTER, AND

189

MAKE IT FEMALE. I'VE WRITTEN
STORIES ABOUT CANADIAN MUTANTS

190

WHO ARE 150 YEARS OLD,
AND ALIENS IN SPACE, BUT IT

191

DOESN'T MATTER THE RACE OR
GENDER OR WHERE THESE PEOPLE

192

ARE FROM, IT'S ALL ABOUT
FIGURING OUT THE CHARACTER

193

AND TELLING THE STORY.
I JUST THINK THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

194

>: SPOKEN LIKE A JACKASS.
>: YEAH, OH YEAH. HEAR THAT

195

JAMES AARON.
>: MM-HMM.

196

>: THE ONLY AARON I RECOGNIZE
IS GIBSON, AND I'M

197

REALLY, SO TIRED OF PEOPLE
SAYING THAT IT'S A GIMMICK

198

TO BE INCLUSIVE. IT'S JUST
TRUTH TELLING. WHAT IF

199

IT IS A FUCKING GIMMICK,
AND THEY'RE LIKE WE CAN REACH

200

A NEW AUDIENCE BY HAVING
WOMAN IN THERE. GOOD.

201

>: YEAH.
>: SHAKE THINGS UP.

202

>: YEAH.
>: WE DON'T NEED STATUS
QUO IN THE FUCKING

203

BOXES, IN YOUR LITTLE BOX PAGES.
>: NO, GET YOUR

204

BOXES OUT OF STORAGE.
UNPACK'EM, PUT OUT THE LIGHTS...

205

>: TURN ON THE LIGHTS?
>: NO, IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME.

206

>: OH.
>: HANG THOSE WREATHS,
LIPSTICKS UP,

207

AND LET'S NOT PACK THOSE
BOXES FOR MANY YEAR TO FOLLOW.

208

>: WHAT?

209

210

>: BRIAN.
>: I KNOW.

211

WE BROUGHT A VERY COOL GUEST
TO THE HOTTEST CLIMATE IN

212

THE WORLD.
>: (laughs)

213

HI, LP.
>: HI. I FEEL LIKE IT'S TROPICAL HERE.

214

>: OH YEAH.
>: IT'S VERY TROPICAL.

215

>: IT'S NICE.
THAT'S ONE WORD FOR IT.
ANOTHER WORD IS

216

WE DON'T HAVE AC. DO YOU
WANT TO HEAR A FUNNY

217

STORY ABOUT SWEATING?
>: NO.

218

>: OK. WELL, UH, LISTEN TO IT.
>: (she laughs)

219

>: SO I ORIGINALLY SAW YOU
PERFORM INTO THE WILD ON,

220

DO YOU KNOW DAVID LETTERMAN?
>: OH, YES.

221

SO YOU WERE ON THAT SHOW.
>: (she laughs)

222

>: AND YOU WERE SINGING THE SONG AND I REMEMBER, I WAS

223

LIKE, YOU KNOW, COLLAPSED
IN A BUCKET OF WINE, WATCHING TV.
>: RIGHT.

224

>: AND THEN I SAW YOU PERFORM,
AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT'S GOING

225

ON. IT WAS SO ENERGIZED...
>: (she laughs)

226

EVERY MORNING ON THE
ELLIPTICAL THAT'S MY FIRST SONG.

227

>: NO...
>: I'M NOT KIDDING.

228

>: WOW.
>: IS THAT A--

229

>: THAT GETS YOU GOING.
>: IS THAT A COMMENT, I MEAN IS

230

THAT A COMPLIMENT?
>: IT'S THE TRUTH.

231

>: PRETTY AWESOME.
>: IT'S A TOTAL COMPLIMENT. IT MAKES

232

ME FEEL FEARLESS.
>: YEAH. (laughs)

233

>: IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
I'M UP FOR ANYTHING AS LONG

234

AS I'M MOVING, BUT I'M NOT
REALLY GOING ANYWHERE.

235

>: RIGHT, RIGHT. (laughs)
I LOVE THAT SONG.

236

>: IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE
THERE'S BEEN NO FORWARD MOTION

237

AT ALL.
>: YES.

238

>: DO YOU KNOW IT'S IRONIC
BECAUSE THE SONG IS ABOUT

239

TECHNOLOGY RIGHT?
>: OH YEAH, EXACTLY.

240

>: AND YOU'RE ON TECHNOLOGY
LISTENING TO THE SONG. YOU

241

TOTALLY MISSED THE POINT--
>: OH.

242

>: --OF THE SONG
>: NO, NO I DIDN'T BECAUSE I WAS

243

WATCHING TV, AND I HAD
MY EAR PHONES IN.
>: YEAH.

244

>: I THINK I WAS WATCHING
REGIS AND KELLY.

245

>: THEY INSPIRE ME A LOT.
>: YEAH.

246

>: YOU MADE THIS MOTION.
>: (ERIN AND LP): THEY INSPIRE ME.

247

>: YOU ALSO IN ALL OF YOUR
SONGS HAVE THIS INSANE ABILITY

248

TO WHISTLE.
>: MMH...

249

>: IS THAT FROM CHILDHOOD?
>: THE WHISTLING YEAH. IT

250

ALWAYS HAS BEEN.
I THINK I WAS...

251

>: DID YOU WORK WITH AXL ROSE?
>: UM...

252

>: (whispers) DOES HE WHISTLE?
>: PATIENCE.

253

>: HE GAVE ME A FEW POINTERS.
>: BECAUSE

254

REALLY IT'S AXL ROSE,
ANDREW BIRD, AND YOU.
>: YEAH I THINK SO.

255

>: WHO'S ANDREW--
>: ANDREW BIRD?
>: OH, YEAH.

256

>: I WASN'T AS FAMILIAR WITH
ANDREW BIRD AS I COULD'VE BEEN,

257

AND PEOPLE KEPT SAYING
ANDREW BIRD, AND I LOOKED

258

HIM UP AND I LOVED HIM.
>: YOU GUYS WHISTLE DIFFERENT.

259

>: I ALWAYS... YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.
>: BUT HE ONLY DOES

260

BIRD CALLS. SOMEONE TOLD
ME THAT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE

261

TO WHISTLE THE THEME SONG FROM FRIENDS.

262

DO YOU KNOW THAT TO BE TRUE?
>: I DON'T... DO THEY SAY THAT?

263

>: YEAH.
>: THEY REALLY DO?

264

(attempts to whistle the
Friends theme song)

265

>: OOH, YOU DID IT.
WELL YOU DID IT.

266

>: I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S HARD.
>: YOU DID IT.

267

>: DO YOU KNOW PEOPLE
HAVE DIED TRYING TO DO THAT?

268

>: (laughs) YEAH.
>: REALLY?

269

>: YEAH.
>: I DON'T KNOW.

270

I NEED A LITTLE MORE
PRACTICE, BUT I THINK I

271

COULD GET IT.
>: YOU BASICALLY NAILED
IT THE

272

FIRST TIME THROUGH.
>: (laughs)

273

>: OK, DO YOU KNOW WE HAVE
THE SAME TATTOO YOU AND I?

274

>: WE DO.

275

(together) YOU HAVE TCB.

276

>: YEAH, ON MY BACK.
>: OH MY GOD, I THINK THAT'S MY ARM.

277

NO, ON THE BACK.

278

OH MY GOD, IT'S THE SAME.
>: IS IT FROM THE JIM BELUSHI

279

MOVIE? OH, IT'S NOT.
HE HAD A MOVIE CALLED TAKING

280

CARE OF BUSINESS,
BUT IT'S NOT FROM THAT?
>: NO, IT'S

281

ALL FROM ELVIS.
>: OH, YEAH.

282

>: PEOPLE SEE THAT AND THEY'RE
ALWAYS LIKE, OH MY GOD

283

YOU'RE A HUGE FAN.
>: YEAH.

284

>: AND I JUST LIKE THE
SENTIMENT BEHIND IT.

285

>: TO ME, TAKING CARE OF
BUSINESS IS NOT LETTING

286

EMOTIONS GET IN THE WAY OF LIKE--
>: YEAH, EXACTLY.

287

AND KEEP GOING.
STAY ON THE PATH.
JUST LIKE KEEP--

288

TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS THEN
UH, YOU KNOW--

289

>: IS THAT ABOUT THE TIME YOU
WERE WRITING SONGS FOR

290

HEIDI MONTAG?
>: (laughs)

291

>: WHICH IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE
FACTS ABOUT YOU

292

BY THE WAY. YOU'VE WRITTEN FOR LIKE
THE MOST INCREDIBLE PEOPLE,

293

LIKE RIHANNA, CHER, CHRISTINA AGUILERA--

294

>: YEAH.
>: AND THEN HEIDI MONTAG
WAS ON THAT LIST.

295

>: YEAH. AND THEN THERE IS
LIKE JOE WALSH. I HAVE THE

296

MOST DIVERSE CATALOG IN THE WORLD.
>: SO WE WOULD LIKE

297

TO FINISH BY PLAYING A QUICK
GAME WITH YOU CALLED SHADE

298

OR NO SHADE.
>: OK.

299

>: WHERE IF YOU LIKE SOMETHING,
YOU SAY NO SHADE.

300

IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING YOU SAY SHADE.
>: OK.

301

>: HOT DOGS?
>: SHADE.

302

>: APPLE TV'S TINY LITTLE REMOTE?

303

>: (laughs) TOTAL SHADE, DUDE.
>: FULL BLOWN.

304

>: EVERY TIME I LOOK, I SWEAR TO
GOD I COULD BE LIKE...

305

>: YEP.
>: AND AS SOON AS I GO
BACK FOR IT THAT SHIT

306

IS GONE.
>: GONE. I DON'T KNOW HOW
THEY DO IT. I DON'T KNOW...

307

>: WELL, HOW DO THEY--
>: I GUESS THEY HAVE MICE OF THEIR OWN.

308

>: THAT'S AMAZING I THOUGHT
I WAS THE ONLY PERSON LIKE--

309

>: NOPE, EVERY BODY--
>: LOSING MY MIND.

310

>: THEY'RE THE WORSE.
>: THE WORDS MOUTH FEEL.

311

SO, THE NEW YORK TIMES
DOES THIS LIKE COOKING SERIES--

312

>: ALRIGHT, WE GET IT.
WE KNOW WHAT YOU READ.
>: (laughter)

313

>: THEY HAVE REALLY GOOD RECIPES. AND THE WOMAN

314

WAS MAKING SOUP AND SHE
SAID, I LIKE ADDING CREAM

315

BECAUSE IT GIVES US A
SILKY MOUTH FEEL,
AND I BARFED--

316

>: YEAH, MAN.
>: WHEN SOMEONE STARTS
SAYING THAT

317

IT'S LIKE, WELL I GUESS--

318

>: MOUTH FEEL DOES NOT
LIKE BELONG IN--
FIRST OF ALL IT'S

319

A VERY UNSEXY TERM,
AND FOOD SHOULD
NOT BE SEXY, REALLY--

320

>: YEAH.
>: BUT REALLY, I DON'T KNOW,
IT JUST RUINS IT.

321

>: IT'S WRONG.
>: THE SINGER NICO.

322

>: OH MY GOD.
>: I MEAN TO ME THE MODEL NICO, BUT--

323

>: YEAH, NO SHADE YO.
>: NO SHADE.

324

>: YOU DON'T LIKE HER?
>: SEE, I DON'T LIKE NICO.

325

>: REALLY?
>: NO.

326

>: I LOVE HER VOICE.
>: (imitates Nico singing) uh, these days.

327

>: (laughs)

328

>: I can't get off the couch
>: SHE DOES SOUND A LITTLE SLOW,

329

BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL VOICE.
>: SHE SOUNDS LAZY.

330

(interposing chatter)

331

>: I WANT TO SEE A SIMPSONS
VERSION OF HER.
>: THEY SHOULD...

332

>: SHE NEVER HAD A FACIAL
EXPRESSION EVER IN HER LIFE.

333

>: SHE DIDN'T NEED ONE... BEAUTY.

334

>: WELL YOU WON, YOU WON--
>: YOU WON SHADE OR NO SHADE.

335

YOU WON THE INTERVIEW.
WE WIN, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO

336

SING A SONG FOR US.
>: YES. I AM.
>: YES.

337

>: WHICH SONG ARE
YOU GOING TO SING?

338

>: I WAS GOING TO SING A
SONG CALLED TOKYO SUNRISE.

339

>: YES!
>: JESUS.

340

>: OH, I'M SO SORRY,
I DIDN'T WANT US TO

341

ASK YOU TO PLAY IT BUT YOU
KNOW EVERYONE KNOWS THIS--

342

THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
>: OH, GOOD.

343

>: THAT IS MY FAVORITE,
AND IT MAKES ME... I MIGHT CRY.

344

>: IT'S FOR YOU.
>: I'M NOT GOING TO JOKE, I MIGHT CRY.

345

>: AS LONG AS YOU JUST...
I WANT YOU TO SIT RIGHT DEAD CENTER

346

IN FRONT OF ME AND
JUST CRY ABOUT IT.

347

>: DO A SUSAN POWTER CRY,
JUST STARE AT LP IN THE EYES, AND WEEP.

348

FOREVER FOR NOW IS OUT, NOW.
>: IT IS OUT.

349

>: THAT'S THE WAY TO SAY IT. ALRIGHT, THANKS LP.
>: SO EXCITED.

350

>: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT WAS REALLY FUN.

351

(acoustic guitar plays)

352

>: (sings) Said a lot of
words along the way

353

I meant them all
while we reigned

354

But shores of love get
beaten by the waves

355

And after it was done
I wish I'd saved time

356

357

One less spark from the flame

358

One more heartbeat away

359

I think I lost your scent

360

after the rain

361

I'll find you when our
paths cross by the gold mines

362

363

Ooooh, ooooh

364

Where you gonna go

365

Where you gonna go

366

I can tell you that

367

Oooooh, yeah

368

Some day in the sky

369

We'll see the same
sun on the rise,

370

yeah
Wherever you go

371

Far as Tokyo

372

I can say

373

I'll see you again

374

I'll see you again

375

I'll see you again

376

Ohh, ohh, ohh

377

oooohh, oooohh, oooohh

378

oooohh, oooohh, oooohh

379

oooohh, oooohh, oooohh

380

Aching with a debt never paid

381

Horses broken and splayed

382

Breathing half a breath
since you're away

383

But while your blood is
warm I'll keep the home fires

384

Oooooooooooooh

385

Where you gonna go

386

Where you gonna go

387

I can tell you that

388

Ooooh, ooooh
yeah

389

Someday in the sky

390

We'll see the same
sun on the rise, yeah

391

Wherever you go

392

Far as Tokyo

393

I can say....

394

I'll see you again

395

I'll see you again

396

I'll see you again

397

Ooooooooooh ohhhh oh

398

Ooooooooooh ohhhh

399

Ooooooooooh ohhhh oh

400

Ooooooooooh

401

Love is never gone away

402

It's gonna come around some day

403

Love is never gone away

404

It's gonna come around some day

405

I'll see you again

406

407

Yeah, I'll see you again

408

409

Ooooooooooh, Oooooh

410

Ooooooooooh, Oooooh

411

Ooooooooooh, Oooooh

412

Ooooooooooh, Oooooh

413

414

(music stops)
(studio cheers)

415

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