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October 05, 2016
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Demetri Martin: [Ted in voiceover]
October, 1987, 2 PM, space.
Demetri Martin: Space Shuttle commander Lawrence Yeti
performs routine maintanence
Demetri Martin: on the hull of the
Shuttle Enterprise.
Demetri Martin: Suddenly he feels
a cough coming on.
Demetri Martin: He coughs.
Demetri Martin: A moment later
his feet fall asleep.
Demetri Martin: The readings on his
body-ometer confirm the worse.
Demetri Martin: Space fever.
Demetri Martin: Yeti needs to get back into
his space craft immediately.
Demetri Martin: He reaches for the shuttle door,
but before he can get there,
he loses his hearing.
Demetri Martin: Now disoriented,
he goes colorblind.
Demetri Martin: Then regular blind.
Demetri Martin: Just meters away, the commander's
crew mates, oblivious to his predicament
Demetri Martin: enjoy a playful
afternoon space snack.
Demetri Martin: Yeti's body
temperature plummets.
Demetri Martin: He vomits.
Suddenly he is filled
with nostalgia.
- [ singing Happy Birthday ]
- Then his ears start ringing
Demetri Martin: which he cannot hear,
because of going deaf earlier.
Demetri Martin: He vomits again,
and now starts the
explosive diarrhea.
Demetri Martin: In the next minute,
his entire body will pop.
Demetri Martin: As the Shuttle Commander drifts
helplessly away from the
Enterprise we are left to wonder,
Demetri Martin: will man ever truly
conquer space?
Demetri Martin: The answer...
Demetri Martin: is fascinating.
[ theme music ]
Demetri Martin: [Ted] Space, a vast expanse stretching
tens of hundreds of miles in
almost every direction,
Demetri Martin: tantalizing us with it's celestial
prowess, and dark impracticality.
Demetri Martin: The universe is a place filled
withoverwhelming beauty,
and bothersome danger.
[ explosion ]
Demetri Martin: Throughout history, starry eyed
cosmetologists have
Demetri Martin: gazed into the cosmos in hopes of
finding answers to the fundamental
questions of our existence.
Demetri Martin: For centuries we have struggled
with profound questions like,
Demetri Martin: what is our place
in the universe?
Demetri Martin: What lies beyond space?
Demetri Martin: Is there life on
other planets?
Demetri Martin: And if so, how do we
kill it before it kills us?
Demetri Martin: Questions like these have led
us to so many amazing discoveries.
Demetri Martin: We now know that most stars
are not actually star shaped.
Demetri Martin: We've learned that Pluto is not
actually a planet, but merely a planette.
Demetri Martin: We know that comet
powder can cure herpes.
Demetri Martin: And we know that the
moon is growing, while the
earth is dripping.
Demetri Martin: And most recently,
we've discovered that Mars
has robots living on it.
Demetri Martin: But despite our advances,
we still only know a fraction of
the known universe.
Demetri Martin: And an even smaller portion
of the unknown universe.
Demetri Martin: When we look to space for answers,
she simply responds,
Demetri Martin: much like a drunken fortune teller,
with more questions.
Demetri Martin: This perhaps more than
anything is what makes the cosmos
Demetri Martin: so mysterious, even today.
Demetri Martin: But how did it all begin?
Demetri Martin: Well, it all started thousands
of years ago with a big bang,
Demetri Martin: which we call
the Big Boom.
Demetri Martin: It is believed that in the pre-universe
some tiny spark occurred,
Demetri Martin: either by accident
or by God,
Demetri Martin: or perhaps by
God by accident.
Demetri Martin: This sent millions of tiny stars,
planets, and galaxies into the
awaiting emptiness of space.
Demetri Martin: Then these tiny space bodies,
most of them no bigger than
pebbles or grapes,
Demetri Martin: slowly began to grow.
Demetri Martin: And over centuries, they steadily
grew feeding off the nutrients of
the space particles around them,
Demetri Martin: and eventually
Demetri Martin: matured into the majestic,
interstellar giants of today.
Demetri Martin: But what did this
Big Boom sound like?
[ footsteps ]
[ ♪ ♪ ]
Demetri Martin: If you can imagine a sound 605 billion,
trillion thousand, million times louder than that,
Demetri Martin: then you would be hearing something that is
about one quarter the volume of the Big Boom.
Demetri Martin: And it wasn't just-- [♪ ♪]
You know, it was, we believe
something more like...
[ ♪ ♪ ]
Demetri Martin: Think about that.
[Gore] Our quest began long ago
when ancient man first noticed space,
initially by accident,
then later by purpose when
curious elders stayed up
at night in search of
the missing sun...
in the dark sky.
They believed stars
were oil lamps of gods.
Demetri Martin: [Ted] The first people to
have answers about space
Demetri Martin: where known as astronomers,
from the Greek,
Demetri Martin: [accented] astro-nomer,
Demetri Martin: meaning he who
nomes astros.
Demetri Martin: The heavens were first given true
critical study by one of the earliest and
Demetri Martin: brilliantest of these homers.
Ptolemy in 170 AD.
Demetri Martin: Ptolemy, known for the silent "P"
at the beginning of his name
Demetri Martin: believed in a geocentric universe in
which earth was at the very center.
Demetri Martin: Centuries later Rudolf Copernicus
hypothesized a heliocentric universe
Demetri Martin: in which the universe,
which contained the earth
Demetri Martin: revolved around the sun.
Demetri Martin: Shortly after, DeAndre Kepler theorized
that not only did the sun revolve
around the earth,
Demetri Martin: but there were two suns
revolving around the earth,
Demetri Martin: in what was known as a duo,
helio geocentric universe.
Demetri Martin: Not be out done, Copernicus
then argued back that there were actually
Demetri Martin: thousands of suns,
revolving around hundreds of earths,
Demetri Martin: each of those revolving around
it's own sun earth hybrid
Demetri Martin: in a milli helio
geocentric universe.
Demetri Martin: Enraged, Kepler responded,
"Fine. How about there's no space?"
Demetri Martin: And using the latest mathematical
techniques of the time
Demetri Martin: he proved that there
was no space at all.
Demetri Martin: This led to a period that
we now call the Dark Ages.
Demetri Martin: The church declared there was no space,
and doctrine prohibited anyone from
Demetri Martin: practicing the heretical
art of astronomy,
Demetri Martin: a time still described by
astronomers today as...
So, so dark.
Demetri Martin: [Ted] Now illegal,
Demetri Martin: the practice of astronomy was relegated
to hidden basements and secret clubs.
Demetri Martin: Those who were caught practicing
astronomy during these dark ages
Demetri Martin: were often accused of practicing
witchcraft, or worse spacecraft,
Demetri Martin: and many of them,
like renowned astro-nomer
Joan of Arc,
Demetri Martin: paid for their illegal space studies
by being burned at the stake
Demetri Martin: in the notorious
Salem witch trials.
Demetri Martin: Still, there were those
like Albert Galileo
Demetri Martin: who would not give up on
the dream of space travel.
Demetri Martin: For centuries man
had flirted with space,
Demetri Martin: but now it was
time to enter her.
[NASA official] 5-4-3-2-1.
Demetri Martin: This is where the
story gets fascinating.
Demetri Martin: [Ted in voiceover]
Next time on Our Fascinating Planet.
[male 1] Being wrong actually
sometimes is a great thing,
and this is the thing we
don't discuss a lot, but um,
when you see them land a...
[stammers] a mission to Mars,
you see the NASA control room
clapping and applauding.
They clap just as hard
when there's a catastrophe,
because we ruled
out something.

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