God talks to NRA Vice President Wayne LaPierre about guns, militias, and Wayne Brady.

Full Credits

God - Zack Poitras
Wayne LaPierre - Nate Dern
Written, Directed, Edited by Zack Poitras

Transcript

Zack Poitras: Hello and welcome to Good God! with God.
Zack Poitras: I am God and today's episode
is brought to you by the blobfish.
Zack Poitras: The Blobfish it's uh... well you know it
looks kind of like someone stepped on a cartoon.
Zack Poitras: I don't really know what I was thinking,
but it happened and I'm proud of it.
Zack Poitras: The blobfish. I made it. I love it. Check it out.
Zack Poitras: So today we have a very special guest.
Zack Poitras: He's the Executive Vice President of the NRA,
Wayne LaPierre Jr.
Zack Poitras: Hey Wayne. How are you today?
Nate Dern: I love guns!
Nate Dern: Can you think of anything cooler than a gun?
Zack Poitras: Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of guns.
Zack Poitras: I can think of a lot of things that I think are cooler,
like little raccoons or kites, but to each is own.
Zack Poitras: The only problem with guns though is
that people use guns all the time to hurt people,
Zack Poitras: especially in American I've noticed,
Zack Poitras: and I think a lot of people
kind of wish that, you know,
Zack Poitras: their weren't at least assault rifles
and stuff like that out on the streets.
Nate Dern: Semi-automatic assault rifles don't shoot people.
Nate Dern: People shoot people.
Zack Poitras: But you know, they shoot them with those things,
Zack Poitras: and that they're still able to go get these
things from an American licensed gun store right?
Nate Dern: As guns have gotten cooler
we have to adjust to the times,
Nate Dern: and when you've got some cool ass guns
like these assault rifles then you need to lower
Nate Dern: restrictions so everybody can
get one of these sweet little numbers.
Zack Poitras: Is it really just because these things are so
cool that it should be this widely available?
Nate Dern: Pretty much. You know what's cool? Guns.
Nate Dern: You know what else is cool? Cigarettes.
Nate Dern: I love to shoot a gun,
smoke a cigarette and look real cool.
Zack Poitras: Sounds like one of Satan's barbecues right now.
Zack Poitras: Look, I bet shooting a gun feels great.
Zack Poitras: I bet it's fun, but you know,
it's probably fun to drive a
Zack Poitras: convertible naked standing
up feeling the wind on your junk,
Zack Poitras: but it doesn't mean it's okay to do it.
Nate Dern: Let me tell you a story.
Nate Dern: There's the Garden of Eden,
but instead of an apple there's a gun.
Nate Dern: Adam plucks the gun, he goes to Eve and says,
Nate Dern: "Listen baby, you gotta do things I want."
Nate Dern: And she doesn't have
a gun so she can't protect herself.
Nate Dern: That's what you want God?
Zack Poitras: Adam would not have
taken a gun and then held it up to Eve.
-Well, the snake told them to--
-Okay.
Nate Dern: --Snakes love guns.
Nate Dern: We're working on a new gun that a snake can fire.
Nate Dern: Most guns just have a trigger that you need a
finger to press, and that's not fair to snakes.
Zack Poitras: Jeez. Look, snakes shouldn't have guns, okay?
Nate Dern: If you interpret the Second Amendment
as the founding fathers wanted,
Nate Dern: they would've wanted snakes to have guns too.
Zack Poitras: Lets go over the Second Amendment here, right.
Zack Poitras: It says something like a well regulated militia
can happen if people can keep and bare arms,
Zack Poitras: but you know, if you were to just
interpret how the sentence is structured,
Zack Poitras: they're talking about militias.
Zack Poitras: It supports your right
to bare arms for a militia.
Zack Poitras: You know, the way that
people would use that phrase baring arms,
Zack Poitras: back when the time the Constitution was written,
Zack Poitras: they were only talking
about military type of people.
Zack Poitras: So, to me it feels like kinda
up to you guys to decided what to
Zack Poitras: do with guns now,
it's more like a fluid issue.
Nate Dern: Let me answer your question with a song.
♪ I'm proud to be an American-- ♪
-Yeah.
Nate Dern: ♪ Because I'm a militia of one ♪
Nate Dern: ♪ And the Second Amendment
says that we each get to have a gun ♪
Zack Poitras: Are you done? Was that the--
-♪ Proud in the U.S.A. ♪
-Yeah, thank you for your song.
Zack Poitras: What do you think of the
fact that other countries that
Zack Poitras: do have stricter gun control
laws have fewer shootings?
Nate Dern: Do yo know Wayne Brady?
I've always wanted to meet him.
Zack Poitras: You're changing the subject.
Zack Poitras: Don't bring up another Wayne,
just because I'm talking to a Wayne.
Nate Dern: You could like snap your fingers,
and he'd be in this room, right?
Zack Poitras: Well yeah, but I'm not going to do that.
-He's got better things to do, you know--
-Okay, well now you're being the bully.
Zack Poitras: How am I bullying you by
not dragging Wayne Brady into this mess?
Nate Dern: You made the request
why don't you go easy on the guns,
Nate Dern: and I made the request,
why don't you bring Wayne Brady here
Nate Dern: and you know,
we're both stonewalling the other one, so--
Zack Poitras: Okay, look, how about this?
Zack Poitras: If you went easy on the guns,
I could introduce a meet-up with Wayne Brady.
-Deal.
-Okay. Great.
Zack Poitras: Okay, so when I say go easy on the guns,
what does that mean to you?
Nate Dern: That every American gets
as many guns as they want.
Zack Poitras: Well, that's all the time
we have on Good God! today.
Zack Poitras: I think I'm just going to have to call it there,
Zack Poitras: because you know,
there's really no getting any where with this guy.
Zack Poitras: Thanks for coming on the show Wayne.
Zack Poitras: Do you have any final words
to say about guns or anything?
♪ I'm proud to be an American--♪
Zack Poitras: Okay, I'm going to stop you there.
Zack Poitras: Today's episode was
brought to you by the blobfish.
Zack Poitras: What a blob. Blobfish.
Zack Poitras: I made it. I love it.
Check it out.
Zack Poitras: This has been Good God!
God out!

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