Looking to catch a cougar? Weeds star Hunter Parrish tells you how.
Published August 15, 2008 450k views Immortal More Info »
Full Credits
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Hunter Parrish, Rachael Harris, Laura Kightliner, Josh Simpson, Marisa Pinson, Jack Alison, and Kris Sundberg. Written by Amy Rhodes. Directed by Jake Szymanski.
Stats & Data
5,417 Funny Votes
1,244 Die Votes
445,752 Views
Published: August 15, 2008
Transcript

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ANNOUNCER: Hey, dude.
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Are you tired of
getting young women who
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have no idea how to please you?
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I'm learning!
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Yeah!
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ANNOUNCER: Ready for this?
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Listen, my son's away
at basketball camp.
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I've got some white
zin in the fridge.
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What say you and I go back to
my place, and 69 the crap out
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of each other in the hot tub?
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Yeah!
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ANNOUNCER: Then
you need a cougar.
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What's a cougar?
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ANNOUNCER: A cougar is an older,
single woman who frequents
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clubs and bars, looking for
innocent young men she can
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have passionate hate sex with.
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Rad.
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ANNOUNCER: And now
it's easy, all thanks
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to an amazing new program,
"Cougar 101: the Hunt is On."
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I'm Tyler Jacobsen Connors.
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I may not be old enough
to drink this wine,
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but let me tell you
something about wine.
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Like women, it gets
better with age.
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And with this new program,
becoming old lady lunch
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is simple and fun.
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ANNOUNCER: Tyler's new DVD
will teach you everything
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you need to know about
cougars, starting
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with where to find them.
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I found this one at
Chi-chi's on a Thursday.
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It was two for one night.
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ANNOUNCER: Tyler schools you in
the go-to compliments that will
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drive your cougar crazy like,
"what are you majoring in"
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and "have I seen
Under the Tuscan Sun?
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I own the DVD, so you tell me."
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And my personal
favorite-- "you look
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just like Heather Locklear."
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ANNOUNCER: Whoa, watch out!
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Tyler's patented program
gives you the tools
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you need to keep her coming
back for more with useful tips,
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including comforting your
cougar, what to do when
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her ex-husband gets paroled,
keeping your cougar current,
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the best way to break the news
to her that "The Spin Doctors"
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broke up years ago, don't
tell me this party's over,
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all you need to know when your
cougar smokes pot with you
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and freaks out because she
hasn't smoked in 15 years,
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make money while
getting the honey,
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how to steal your
cougar's Vicodin
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and sell it to your
friends, hot flashes?
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No thank you,
ma'am, warning signs
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that your cougar's
about to go crazy
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and needs to be set
free, and many more.
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My program really works.
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It [BLEEP] works.
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ANNOUNCER: Order Tyler's
revolutionary DVD program,
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"Cougar 101: The Hunt is
On," for the low, low price
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of $49.95.
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Act now, and you'll also
receive this free map.
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But wait.
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If you call within
the next five minutes,
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you'll also get a gift
certificate to Dave & Buster's,
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a copy of "Eat, Pray,
Love," and a pair of spanx--
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all gifts you can give
your new girlfriend.
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I deserve to bone a babe
who knows what she's doing,
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and so do you.
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What are you waiting for?
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ANNOUNCER: Call now.
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