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Looking to catch a cougar? Weeds star Hunter Parrish tells you how.
Published August 15, 2008 440k views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Hunter Parrish, Rachael Harris, Laura Kightliner, Josh Simpson, Marisa Pinson, Jack Alison, and Kris Sundberg. Written by Amy Rhodes. Directed by Jake Szymanski.
5,385 Funny Votes
1,235 Die Votes
443,029 Views
Published August 15, 2008

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ANNOUNCER: Hey, dude.
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Are you tired of
getting young women who
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have no idea how to please you?
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I'm learning!
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Yeah!
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ANNOUNCER: Ready for this?
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Listen, my son's away
at basketball camp.
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I've got some white
zin in the fridge.
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What say you and I go back to
my place, and 69 the crap out
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of each other in the hot tub?
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Yeah!
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ANNOUNCER: Then
you need a cougar.
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What's a cougar?
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ANNOUNCER: A cougar is an older,
single woman who frequents
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clubs and bars, looking for
innocent young men she can
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have passionate hate sex with.
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Rad.
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ANNOUNCER: And now
it's easy, all thanks
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to an amazing new program,
"Cougar 101: the Hunt is On."
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I'm Tyler Jacobsen Connors.
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I may not be old enough
to drink this wine,
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but let me tell you
something about wine.
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Like women, it gets
better with age.
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And with this new program,
becoming old lady lunch
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is simple and fun.
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ANNOUNCER: Tyler's new DVD
will teach you everything
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you need to know about
cougars, starting
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with where to find them.
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I found this one at
Chi-chi's on a Thursday.
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It was two for one night.
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ANNOUNCER: Tyler schools you in
the go-to compliments that will
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drive your cougar crazy like,
"what are you majoring in"
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and "have I seen
Under the Tuscan Sun?
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I own the DVD, so you tell me."
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And my personal
favorite-- "you look
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just like Heather Locklear."
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ANNOUNCER: Whoa, watch out!
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Tyler's patented program
gives you the tools
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you need to keep her coming
back for more with useful tips,
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including comforting your
cougar, what to do when
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her ex-husband gets paroled,
keeping your cougar current,
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the best way to break the news
to her that "The Spin Doctors"
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broke up years ago, don't
tell me this party's over,
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all you need to know when your
cougar smokes pot with you
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and freaks out because she
hasn't smoked in 15 years,
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make money while
getting the honey,
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how to steal your
cougar's Vicodin
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and sell it to your
friends, hot flashes?
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No thank you,
ma'am, warning signs
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that your cougar's
about to go crazy
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and needs to be set
free, and many more.
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My program really works.
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It [BLEEP] works.
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ANNOUNCER: Order Tyler's
revolutionary DVD program,
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"Cougar 101: The Hunt is
On," for the low, low price
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of $49.95.
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Act now, and you'll also
receive this free map.
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But wait.
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If you call within
the next five minutes,
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you'll also get a gift
certificate to Dave & Buster's,
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a copy of "Eat, Pray,
Love," and a pair of spanx--
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all gifts you can give
your new girlfriend.
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I deserve to bone a babe
who knows what she's doing,
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and so do you.
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What are you waiting for?
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ANNOUNCER: Call now.
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