Directors/ Writers/ Editors: Jack Bishop and Justin Nijm Starring: Ryan Stanger Producer: Ross Buran Director of Photography: Barry Elmore Gaffer: William E. Coleman III Sound: Bo Sundberg for BoTown Sound Make up: Leigh Schwartz Specialty Props: Dan Diana and Charles Wills
Ryan Stanger: Have you ever wanted to play guitar?
On a truck?!
What's up road warriors?
It's me Coma, the Doof Warrior.
You might also remember me as the most memorable part of Mad Max Fury Road.
If you want to be a true Doof warrior, there's a few things
you got to know. So I'm here to teach you how to doof like a pro.
[Heavy Guitar Plays]
First things first, a true Doof warrior needs a kick ass mobile stage
to do his doofus, a.k.a. a doof wagon.
Next, you're going to want to get your hands on one of these sweet
ass, flame throwing guitars. Nothing crazy here, you can easily find
one of these babies here at any Doof Mart, Doof Center, or Doof Ash in
the Wastelands. Nothing strikes fear into the heart of your enemies
like a tasty lick from a fire, spewing axe. Oh, and your guitar
should literally be an axe too.
Alright, we are in a post apocalyptic
war zone. Now that you got what you need, lets bungee your little buttski
up and get doofin'.
Here's a few tips for the road. Number 1, always fill up your
flame thrower guitar before you hit the road. And this thing ain't no
Prius, it goes through gasoline, like I go through babies for dinner,
because I eat babies. So don't forget to fill her up.
Number 2, never point your flame throwing guitar at your own face. You
don't want to monkey around with that rule. Okay, I know you
want to get fancy when you're laying down your sweet solo, but this
face melter will literally melt your face. I learned that the hard way.
I was doing some kind of Jimi Hendrix thing, and I blasted up my
ass, my face, my dick, my balls, my tank...don't laugh. Nobody laugh at that.
Number 3, always keep an extra stash of guitar picks handy.
When you're doing 90 on a desert road, and dudes on bikes are swinging
chainsaws at your face you're bound to drop a pick or two.
So be prepared. You can store them in your esophagus, and hock them out
like I did, or you can shove them right up your candy ass, and shit
them out every time you drop one. Number 4, learn to love bugs. You
can try all you want to avoid them, but when you're up on that wagon
with your mouth wide open, you're going to suck those babies up
like a vacuum. Seriously, I eat about a 1000 a day. It fucking sucks,
but you can't let that bug you. Ha-ha-ha...
Finally, the most important rule of all, play the hits.
Nobody wants to roll into battle listening to your favorite Springsteen
B-side. Alright, we all fucking love Rosalita, agreed, but guys are dying
out there. You got to send them off with something they can sing along
to. Stick to the classics. Songs like Stairway to Valhalla, The Warboys
are Back in Town, I'm on a Truck, Rock You Like a Sand Hurricane,
and of course Enter Sandman.
[Heavy Guitar Sounds]
Well folks, that's about all you need to know about how to become
a true doof warrior. Now if you'll excuse me, it's about time
for your old pal Coma to step off the wagon, and sacrifice himself in the
name of a morton joe, but this ain't good bye, alright.
We'll see each other again on that big, bright, beautiful doof wagon
in Valhalla. You can count on it.
I live, I die, I roc...