Oh how the mighty has fell!
First, there was Martha Stewart and-
Aw damn, I wish I had my HISI show back then
or there was a time machine
where I could go back
and make fun of Martha
for havin' to go to prison!
That's rightly sad.
She probably had to eat pussy just to stay alive,
and that is NOT a good thing.
I would imagine.
there ain't no prisons out there for racists
or else half the cast
of this season's Big Brothe
would be locked up there with her.
Damn, lemme reflect myself.
This skinny bitch
is Loretta Jenkins.
But I got some fat-ass opinionations
that's done spread around the world
and back again.
This How I Seize It,
we're going to be giving
a verbal fisting session
to somebody whose been getting
under my skinny skin
for as far back as I can member!
I ain't never liked this fat bitch
in the first place noways.
Cause she a damn nasty eater.
And I'm sure she's responsible
for making all our youngins
these fat ass, tub-o-lard
Honey Boo Porkers!
Member how she used to be all like,
"Yeah, rub some extra butter on it."
Goddamn, she's a murderer!
And then Jesus,
he got tired of her addicting our kids
to lard and sugar and butte
and he struck her down with diabeetus.
she has been the Devil's plaything
on television going,
"Come! Eat my fried Evils!"
"Get Fatter America!"
"Eat Up, Piggies!"
You little fuckin sheep,
tip you're too lazy to realize
that we stealin' all your money.
Now you tell me,
how is Overeating aint no worse
than somebody jekkin' some heroin in their arm
and downing a bottle of Jack,
like that senseless Glee fucker did.
God rest his dumbass.
Damn, I should've gotten me a piece
of that hungin' before he kicked it.
And I didn't never think I'd say this about nobody,
What was I talking about?
You know she married that Jimmy Deen
and gived him a heart attack
from eatin too many sausages.
She stole his fortune and
THAT is why the Bitch is famous!
She probably stole all his family's
hard-earned recipes too.
Get your own ideas, Q-Tip!
Shit, that piggly eat so much
butter and eggs,
she probably cum mayonnaise!
I hate mayonnaise.
Now I don't condone eatin,
but if you wanna watch a good recipe show,
you wanna tune into that
Here the link to her shiz.
She a secret DB of mine,
but now don't go tellin'
all her straight-laced fans
about me & her goin
topless clubbing on the weekends,
cause she like to keep her party girl side
on the DL
I might could be on her show
once a little somethin-somethin
get a little legal-legal.
And you know what else about Paula Dern?
She got a homosectional son
that she don't let live out in the open.
Now what kinda mothe
just won't let her son
suck dick and be happy
like all the other free faggots our there?
Don't they live in the
Somebody Google Map
that bitch for me.
She need to try my knuckle sandwich.
How about a nice slice of terrible awful
on the side?
And I heard the bitch that sued her was white!
What kinda shit is that?
Racist on your white?
Now I know all y'all
racial sympathizers out there is goin
why you hatin' on Paula?
She don't know no better!
Fuck, I liked her bette
when she was on the American Idol.
Well that bitch done made me mad,
cause she walking around
droppin' N-word bombs
like its the mother-fuckin 1960s.
Well this is America
and when celebrities fuck up
they get made a sample
out of them!
Somebody put her ass in a home.
I mean, it ain't so much that she said it,
but that now she goes back
over and over and yeah…
there was this one time that I said it.
we all had racial nip slips here and there,
but if they ain't got you on camera,
shut the fuck up!
Stop givin whitey such a bad name!
Oh, did y'all hear this shit,
where she was planning up some
kind of KK wedding,
or communion or some shit,
I can't remember all the deets.
But she wanted-
Let me remember…
She wanted an Ole South
plantation themed thing.
With like slaves running around like,
that old school, Gone With The Wind shit.
You ever heard of such evilness.
No wonder all them companies
dropped your ass
like a racist hot potato.
Cause we in the Obama Administration,
we tryin' to move humanity forward
not back ass to the Civil War.
You need to get with the goddamn program, Paula!
This is what happens when we let
Confederate War reenactors
open up restaurants.
What you think is gonna happen?
All America is just goin' to Hell
and that's How I Seize It!
I hope she chokin' on a fuckin'
sweet potato right now.
Damn, that'd be sweet.