A Hooker's Christmas
Don't let that time interfere with your relationship with your vampire boyfriend.
- November 18, 2009
- 820k Views
Starring Brandon Routh, Martha Macisaac and Daniel Cirilo
DP: Antonio Scarlata
Steadicam: Alex Sax
Makeup by Kat Bardot Makeup provided by MAC.
Written by Liz Meriwether
Directed by Matt Villines and Osmany Rodriguez
November 18, 2009
forest. The cuts closes on Brandon Routh and Martha MacIsaac standing in
the forest, staring lovingly at one another. Brandon Routh and Martha
MacIsaac staring at one another is shown from several angles.
Brandon Routh: I love you.
Martha MacIsaac: I love you.
Brandon Routh and Martha MacIsaac resume staring at one another for
several moments while the camera angle changes repeatedly.
Martha MacIsaac: I can't take it anymore. I have to have you!
Brandon Routh: We can't Bella.
Martha MacIsaac looks very upset. The shot cuts in for a close up on
Brandon Routh, who sniffs the air. The shot pulls away to show Brandon
Routh sniffing his way down Martha MacIsaac's body.
Martha MacIsaac: Edward?
Brandon Routh pulls back from Martha MacIsaac. Martha MacIsaac looks
uncomfortable and shifts around, adjusting her hair. Brandon Routh
becomes increasingly agitated, breathing heavily and baring his teeth.
Brandon Routh leaps at Martha MacIsaac and she screams. The shot pauses
with Brandon Routh in mid-leap, an insane expression on his face.
Announcer (voiceover): When you're dating a vampire, there's never a
good time to have your period. But now there's Vampax.
The shot cuts to two Vampax boxes on a blue background. One the boxes is
Regular and the other is Extra Strength Garlic. An inset box appears
that shows Daniel Cirilo working in a laboratory. Text appears beneath
him that identifies the location as the Vampax Laboratories.
Announcer (voiceover): While other leading tampons leave you exposed...
The image in the inset box scrolls up to show Daniel Cirilo dipping a
tampon into a vial. Text appears beneath him that read – Holy Water On
Announcer (voiceover): Vampax is specially designed to throw them off
The image in the box scrolls up again to reveal Daniel Cirilo rolling
garlic into the tampon. Text appears beneath him that reads - ...Garlic
In The Middle. The image in the inset box is pushed sideways to show
Daniel Cirilo holding up a tampon. There is text beneath him that reads –
REAL TAMPON SCIENCE. The shot cuts to Brandon Routh and Martha MacIsaac
walking together in the woods.
Brandon Routh: Hey, I love Bella, but when she has her period I
literally want to kill her.
Martha MacIsaac: Literally.
Brandon Routh: I want to eat her blood to make me stronger.
Martha MacIsaac: He's hungry for my period, for real.
Announcer (voiceover): Now you can go back to doing the things you
usually do with your vampire boyfriend, like this.
The shot cuts to Brandon Routh and Martha MacIsaac stretched out on the
ground next to each other.
The shot cuts to Martha MacIsaac getting a high speed piggy-back ride up
the side of steep him from Brandon Routh.
Martha MacIsaac: Wee!
Announcer: And more of this.
The shot cuts to Brandon Routh and Martha MacIsaac staring lovingly at
one another as they stand together in the forest. Brandon Routh pulls
away from Martha MacIsaac and sniffs the air.
Martha MacIsaac: Is something wrong Edward?
Brandon Routh: No. Nothing. Must be a dead bird.
Martha MacIsaac turns to look at the camera and addresses the viewer.
Martha MacIsaac: He'll never guess it's my bleeding vagina.
The shot cuts to the boxes of Vampax. There is text beneath the boxes
that reads – He'll Never Guess Its Your Bleeding Vagina.
Announcer (voiceover): Vampax, he'll never guess it's your bleeding
The shot cuts to Martha MacIsaac holding up a tampon that glitters.
Martha MacIsaac: And it glitters.