This week, Bryan took a Lyft for the first time! It was as delightful as an emu leg... more »
Published August 19, 2014 33k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Producer: Ross Buran
Producer: Ben Sheehan
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi


> (ERIN):
THIS IS...
(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER):
THROWING SHADE.

> (BRYAN):
WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

> (ERIN):
AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

> (BRYAN):
TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES AND POLITICS,

> (ERIN):
AND POP CULTURE,

> (BRYAN):
AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH
LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.
(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

> BRYAN I HEARD YOU TOOK A LIFT.

> I DID--

> AND, DID YOU GET MURDERED?

> NO I DIDN'T.
YOU KNOW I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
AFRAID TO TAKE A LIFT,
BECAUSE THEY ENCOURAGE YOU
TO SIT IN THE FRONT SEAT
WHICH FOR ME WITH A STRANGER
IT'S LIKE, NO. I'M NOT GOING--
--LIKE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IN THE FRONT SEAT WITH A STRANGER?

> TALK TO SOMEBODY?

> YEAH. ALSO LIKE ABOUT WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

> YEAH, THE WEATHER--

> YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S REALLY--

> --BOOKS,
HAMBURGERS?

> IT'S ACTUALLY VERY
SELFLESS OF
ME BECAUSE HE'S BEEN PICKING
UP PEOPLE ALL DAY--

> SEXIST.

> THE SAME QUESTIONS ARE WHAT
PART OF TOWN DO YOU LIFE IN,
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING
THIS, UH, DO YOU LIKE WORKING
FOR THEM? DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN? IT'S LIKE, I DON'T
WANT TO BORE HIM TO DEATH.
I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO,
YOU KNOW...

> THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST
OPEN THE DOOR AND SAY HAVE
YOU SEEN THE ESPN 30 ON 30
ABOUT NANCY KERRIGAN,
AND TARA LIPINSKI, OR
NOT TARA LIPINSKI--

> TONYA
HARDING.

> YEAH, WHATEVER.
YOU KNOW THEY SHOULD DO A
MICHELLE KWAN, TARA LIPINSKI
FOR 30. LOOKING AT YOU S-E--

> S-E? YEAH. S-E AT NAIL ART.

> LOOKING FOR YOU, S--

> SO IT WAS A LOVELY RIDE. AN
EASY BREEZY--

> DID YOU
CHITCHAT?

> WE DID CHITCHAT
A LITTLE, BECAUSE
IT WAS SO NEW TO ME, AND SO HE
WAS LIKE I GOT IN THE CAR,
AND I WAS LIKE, "HOW DOES THIS
CLOSE?", AND HE SHOWED
ME HOW TO CLOSE THE DOOR--

> OH GOOD.

> --HE SHOWED ME HOW TO ROLL
DOWN THE WINDOWS.

> THAT'S NICE.

> THAT WAS FUN.

> HOW MUCH WAS IT?

> HE-- FROM THE AIRPORT?
$30 DOLLARS TOTAL.

> THAT'S GREAT.

> WHICH IS INSANE, BECAUSE
TAKING A CAB IS USUALLY ABOUT
FOR ME.

> 65.

> AND IT WAS SO FUNNY,
BECAUSE AT THE END I GO,
I THOUGHT AT THE END YOU'D
YOU LIFT THE CAR UP (laughs).

> WITH WHAT?

> IT WAS JUST A...

> A MAGNET CRANE?

> YEAH JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T
MEAN IT.

> CANADA AIRLINES REALLY
DICKED ME OVER.

> REALLY? THEY WERE SO NICE TO ME.

> UH-UH. THEY DIDN'T WARN
ME ON HOW MUCH
TIME WE HAD LEFT--

> TO WHAT?

> TILL WE LANDED--

> OH.

> --SO I GOT ALL MY WORK DONE,
AND I WAS LIKE I'M
GOING TO WATCH CAPTAIN
AMERICA WINTER SOLDIER--

> MM-HMM.

> --AND THE PLANE LANDED,
AND I HAD 30 MINUTES LEFT.

> OH THAT'S AWFUL.

> AND I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO--

> YEAH.

> AM I GOING TO SIT HERE
AND WATCH THIS MOVIE
WHILE EVERYONE'S RUSHING PAST ME.
CAN I DO THAT?
HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE
TO GET THE BAGS OUT.
I DON'T KNOW.

> YEAH.

> THIS IS THE END OF
THE MOVIE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THE RESOLUTION IS.

> I'LL TELL YOU.

> DID YOU SEE IT FOR REAL?

> I DID.

> OK.

> HE-- WHAT DOES HE FIGHT WITH,
LIKE WITH A MACHETE?
A STICK? A GUN?

> A CIRCLE.

> HE TAKES HIS CIRCLE GUN...
HE TAKES HIS SHIELD--

> YEAH.
--AND HE GOES AND HE KNOCKS
ON EVERYONE'S DOOR--

> IT'S A HUBCAP OF LIKE AN
OLD NAZI TANK.

> YEAH.

> HE KNOCKS ON MARK
RUFFALO'S DOOR, AND IS LIKE,
"MARK, WHAT'S UP MAN?
LIKE WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO EVEN..."

> (she gasps)

> --AND THEN HE SLAMS
HIM OVER THE HEAD,
AND THEN HE KNOCKS ON SCARLETT
JOHANSSON'S DOOR,
SLAMS HER OVER THE HEAD.
KNOCKS ON ROBERT DOWNEY JR.'S--
ALL THE AVENGERS ARE DEAD,
AND AT THE END HE GOES,
"PROTECT YOURSELF.
HASHTAG #SHIELD"

> OH, I SEE.

> AND THEN IT ENDS.

> YEAH.

> WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING
AWFUL THAT I READ?

> MM-HMM.

> APPARENTLY THIS
IS VERY TRUE--

> WHERE DO YOU READ ALL OF
THIS CATASTROPHIC--
CATASTROPHE TODAY?

> MM-HMM. CATASTROPHE TODAY.
THIS IS...
HEADLINE.

> YEAH. DATELINE NBC.
I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING.

> APPARENTLY THE TURKEY
LEGS THEY SELL AT DISNEY LAND ARE EMU.

> WHAT?

> YEAH. THEY'RE NOT TURKEY.

> WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?
IS IT CHEAPER?

> IT MUST
BE CHEAPER.

> ARE THEY BIGGER?

> BUT SEE I DON'T
FEEL THAT DISNEY LAND DOES
THINGS ON THE CHEAP.

> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HAVE YOU EVER
ATE A PIZZA FROM DISNEY LAND?
IT'S LIKE EATING
A CARDBOARD BOX WITH
CHEESE ON TOP.

> NO.

> AND IT'S $25 DOLLARS--
THEY HAVE YOU. YOU'RE DEEP IN,
YOU'VE BEEN WALKING FOR HOURS,
YOU'RE FUCKING HUNGRY--
THIS IS WHAT NOMADS HAD TO DEAL
WITH IN THE DESERT EXCEPT
CHANGE THE DESERT
OUT FOR RIDES.

> I GO TO PIRATES
OF THE CARIBBEAN AND
HAVE A SIT DOWN MEAL.

> THAT IS THE GROSSES--

> OH, NO IT'S NOT.

> WHY ISN'T BOURBON STREET TOO?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

> I CALL THE MAITRE D AND
I SAY, (inaudible) IT'S BRYAN.

> UH-HUH.

> I NEED MY TABLE.
MY SIGNATURE TABLE.

> OH, YOU SIT RIGHT BY THE--

> I SIT RIGHT BY THE SHORE.

> RIGHT BY THE MARAUDERS.

> RIGHT BY THE SHORE, AND I
SAY FETTUCCINE, YOU KNOW,
BREAD, THE WORKS.

> MAKE NO MISTAKE, THE ONLY
REASON PEOPLE EAT THERE IS
BECAUSE IT'S AIR
CONDITIONED. THAT'S IT.

> YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE.

> I MEAN, WHO'S GOING
TO EAT FETTUCCINE ALFREDO
IN A THEME PARK?

> (he laughs)

> FUCKING, A MURDERER.

> YOU'RE RIGHT.

> WHEN THEY THINK YOU'VE
MURDERED SOMEBODY, YOU GO
INTO THE POLICE STATION,
AND THEY GO DO YOU EAT
FETTUCCINE ALFREDO IN THE DEAD
SUMMER HEAT IN A THEME PARK--

> COULD YOU IMAGINE?

> --SURROUNDED BY
CONCRETE, AND
FAKE CARS THAT DON'T EVEN
GO THAT FAST, BUT SOMEHOW EMIT
MORE C02 THAN A
FUCKING RANGE ROVER.

> CAN YOU IMAGINE 95
DEGREES AND THINKING TO
YOURSELF, (sigh) HOT CREAM.
A NEW STUDY WAS RECENTLY
DONE ABOUT HOW RELIGIOUS
LGBT ADULTS ARE, BECAUSE
OBVIOUSLY RELIGION HASN'T
ALWAYS BEEN A BEST FRIEND
TO GAY AND LESBIANS--

> NO, BUT THERE ARE SOME CHURCHES
WHO ARE KIND OF INCLUSIVE RIGHT?

> THERE ARE SOME WHO ARE
INCLUSIVE, SORT OF NEWLY
INCLUSIVE, MOSTLY IN VERY URBAN
AREAS, AND THAT KIND
OF THING.

> KEITH URBAN AREAS?

> KEITH URBAN-- ANYWHERE THAT
PLAYS KEITH URBAN, AND
BY PROXY, ANY CHURCH THAT'S A
HUGE FAN OF NICOLE KIDMAN,
USUALLY ALLOWS
GAY PEOPLE.

> YEAH.

> BY AND LARGE I WOULD SAY
THAT MOST RELIGIOUS INSTITUTIONS
ARE NOT HUGE FANS OF THE GAYS.
I THINK THAT TIDE IS TURNING A
LITTLE BIT, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY,
YOU KNOW, THE MAJORITY--
RELIGION HASN'T BEEN SO
NICE TO GAY PEOPLE.

> RELIGION ISN'T REALLY NICE TO
ANY PEOPLE IF YOU THINK
ABOUT IT.

> (laughs) I MEAN, I GUESS
IT'S NOT.
THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE OF THE KIND
OF SIGNAGE SOMETIMES ARE ON THESE
DEEPLY CONSERVATIVE RELIGIOUS
INSTITUTIONS. YOU KNOW HOW
CHURCHES WILL HAVE SIGNS WHERE
YOU CAN PUT THE LETTERS
ON AND--

> YEAH.

> --THAT WHOLE THING, LIKE A
MARQUEE?

> YEAH, LIKE AND HOW ALL DAIRY
QUEENS USED TO DO IT, YEAH.

> EXACTLY. THEIR NEWEST SIGN
IS OBAMA HAS
RELEASED THE HOMO DEMONS
ON THE BLACK MAN.
LOOK OUT BLACK WOMAN.
A WHITE HOMO MAY
TAKE YOUR MAN.

> SORRY--

> ANY QUESTIONS?

> YEAH, I HAVE A COUPLE
OF QUESTIONS.
WELL, OK, IF
OBAMA'S RELEASING THE GAY
DEMONS ON THE BLACK MAN--

> YES.

> --RIGHT, SO BLACK MEN ARE
GOING TO BE GAY.

> NO. THE WHITE GAY MAN
IS STEALING THE--

> OH, THE BLACK MAN.

> --HUSBANDS OF BLACK WOMAN.

> RIGHT. NOW I'M ON BOARD.

> RIGHT.
THE FACT THAT IT GOES TO
SHOW YOU THAT IT'S NOT
THAT UNUSUAL THAT LGBT PEOPLE
WOULD NOT REALLY BE INTERESTED
IN RELIGION AND WOULD MOVE
AWAY FROM IT. WELL, SO A
RECENT SURVEY DONE BY GALLOP
FOUND THAT LGBT ADULTS IN THE
U.S. ARE CONSIDERABLY MORE LIKELY
TO IDENTIFY THEMSELVES
AS NON-RELIGIOUS. 47% PERCENT
OF LGBT ADULTS SAY THAT
THEY ARE NON-RELIGIOUS,
COMPARED TO 30% PERCENT OF
NON-LGBT ADULTS.

> OH, I SEE, SO
IT'S 17% HIGHER.

> 17% PERCENT HIGHER -
THAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 47 AND
% PERCENT THAT'S MOSTLY
FOR MEN. FOR WOMEN IT'S AN
EVEN BIGGER DISPARITY.
THE WOMAN HAVE REALLY--
LGBT WOMAN,
HAVE REALLY BEEN LIKE
THANKS BUT UH--

> HAVE THE WOMEN
IN THE CHURCH WHO COME OUT AS
LESBIANS HAD A HARDER TIME?

> I DON'T KNOW WHY.
IT DOESN'T EXPLAIN IT.

> I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WOULD
KNOW SINCE YOU COUNSEL SO
MANY LESBIANS IN THE
CATHOLIC CHURCH.

> I DO, THAT IS PART OF MY JOB.
MY COUNSELING IS, UH
TRY AGAIN. I HAVE THEM FOOLED,
BECAUSE I WEAR
A HABIT. IT'S VERY CONFUSING,
BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO--

> YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR BEARD
LASERED RIGHT?

> AND I ALSO DO HAVE TO
WEAR A TON OF
MAKE-UP TO
REALLY PULL IT OFF.
SO, I'M NOT REALLY A
NUN TO TRUST,
BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT REALLY
SUPPOSED TO WEAR--

> MAKE-UP?

> EXACTLY.

> OR LASER THEIR BEARDS.

> BUT TO MAKE IT LIKE
SO THAT NO ONE REALLY
QUESTIONS ANYTHING,
I PRETEND THAT I'M MISSING
ONE LEG.

> SO, THEY FEEL
SORRY FOR YOU? MM-HMM.

> YES, AND I HAVE A DOG WITH
ONLY ONE LEG THAT HOPS
AROUND, AND I MAKE THE DOG
HOP AROUND THE PERSON,
AND I SAY THIS IS MY SISTER,
AND THE PERSON THAT I'M
INTERVIEWING IS LIKE, THIS
SEEMS WEIRD, AND I GO,
"HOW DARE YOU, BECAUSE I'M
MISSING LIMBS? LADIES AND
GENTLEMAN EXHIBIT A."

> WELL JUST LADIES YEAH.

> YEAH.
>>: JUST LADIES AND
LADIES, YEAH.

> AND THEN THEY
LEAVE, BUT OR--

> BUT DO THEY TAKE
YOUR ADVICE?

> --YEAH. I SAY, THINK AGAIN.

> WILL YEAH
THIS IS REALLY THEIR PROBLEM.
SMOKING IN THE YEAH--
IN THE CONFESSIONAL BOX.

> AND THEN I GO, DON'T TELL
ANYONE I SMOKE.
OK, SO GALLUP AND THIS
POLL IDENTIFIED
PEOPLE WHO ARE HIGHLY RELIGIOUS,
AS THOSE WHO
SAY RELIGION IS A VERY
IMPORTANT PART OF THEIR
DAILY LIVES, AND
THEY ATTEND--

> DAILY LIVES?

> YEAH.

> MY GRANDMA USED TO PRAY
BEFORE EVERY MEAL.
AND KISS HER ROSARY.

> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT MY
FUCKIN' FAMILY DOES.

> KISS ROSARIES?

> NO.

> PRAY BEFORE
EVERY MEAL?

> WE PRAY, AND THEN WE SING
KISS FROM A ROSE.

> OH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.

> YEAH. IT IS DIFFERENT.

> GOD, I HATE TO BE
HUNGRY AT YOUR HOUSE.

> (chuckles) OH IT'S GREAT.
WE GET TOGETHER AT 5 AND WE
EAT AT 11. SO...
WITH THIS MILLENNIAL STUDY,
I GUESS P.R.I. FOUND
THAT LGBT ISSUES RATHER
THAN FAITH HAS PLAYED A MAJOR
ROLE IN PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY
FROM THE CHURCH. WHICH IS
VERY INTERESTING,
AND I GUESS GALLUP'S FINDINGS
PERHAPS SUGGEST THE SAME THING.
THE TREATMENT
OF LGBT PEOPLE, OR THE WAY
THE CHURCH REGARDS THAT
IS WHAT'S PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY,
NOT NECESSARILY FAITH.

> WOULD YOU SAY THEY'RE
DIGGING THEIR OWN GRAVES?

> HERE'S THE THING, SO I GREW
UP IN A VERY RELIGIOUS
HOUSEHOLD, UM, WE WENT TO
CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. I WENT
TO PRIVATE SCHOOL--

> CATHOLIC?

> NO, EPISCOPAL RUN BY THE
CHURCH, AND NOT THE COOL
EPISCOPAL EITHER-- SO I WAS IN
CHURCH EVERY SINGLE
MORNING EXCEPT SATURDAYS.
SO I WENT WITH MY FAMILY
SUNDAY, AND MONDAY THROUGH
FRIDAY WITH MY SCHOOL

> I HONESTLY CAN'T
EVEN IMAGINE IT.

> I NEVER REALLY FELT CONNECTED
WITH IT EVER IN MY
LIFE, BUT THE THING IS-- FOR
INSTANCE, WE WERE JUST
IN BOSTON, AND WE'VE BEEN
IN THESE CITIES, CHURCHES
ARE AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL.

> YEAH. WELL THAT'S WHERE
ALL THE MONEY WAS.

> IT'S TOO BAD THAT THE
CHURCH'S HEART
DOESN'T MATCH THE BEAUTY
OF SOME OF THE STRUCTURES.

> AGREED.

> WHEN I WENT IN THAT
CHURCH IT WAS LIKE,
THIS IS SO MAGNIFICENT,
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL, DOES THIS
PLACE FEEL THE SAME WAY
ABOUT ME? PROBS-NOT.

> YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW
NOTHING REALLY CAN BEAT
TRUMP TOWERS IN CHICAGO,
NOT EVERYBODY CAN--

> YOU'RE RIGHT. RISE TO THAT--

> --REALLY RISE TO THAT
KIND OF ARCHITECTURE OR BEAUTY.

> EXACTLY, EXACTLY. WELL,
HERE'S HOPING.

> SO, UH, I DON'T KNOW...
TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT.

> SHOW ME THE MONEY.

> CUBA.

> JERRY MAGUIRE AND EVERY
SINGLE WOMAN TRYING TO RUN
A BUSINESS IN THE U.S.
SO WOMEN RUN COMPANIES ARE
ONE OF THE FASTEST GROWING
SEGMENT OF AMERICA'S BUSINESS,
BUT LIKE THE SONG
GOES, THE SISTERS ARE
DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES.

> I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO SAY,
(he sings)
Like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there

> WHY? THERE IS NO--

> I JUST WANTED TO SING, BECAUSE
I THINK I SING IT PRETTY.

> SO OUT OF THE SMALL
BUSINESS LOANS GIVEN OUT
ONLY 4.4% PERCENT GO TO WOMEN.

> WHAT?

> YEAH.
THIS IS ACCORDING TO A REPORT
FROM THE SENATE
COMMITTEE ON SMALL BUSINESS
AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP.
NOT ONLY THAT, AROUND 1994
THE GOVERNMENT WAS LIKE,
WE SHOULD BE GIVING OUT, I DON'T
KNOW, AT LEAST 5% PERCENT
OF FEDERAL CONTRACTS TO
BUSINESSES--

> SO GENEROUS.

> --(laughs) BUSINESSES RUN
BY WOMAN - HAVEN'T DONE IT YET.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS 5% PERCENT.
THAT'S SO HARD.

> YEAH, WELL YOU KNOW,
% PERCENT OF UH...

> A 100% PERCENT IS--

> --IS 5% PERCENT.

> --VERY SMALL, YEAH.

> YEAH.

> THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF
REASONS WHY THIS IS HAPPENING,
BUT NOT LIKE WOMEN HAVEN'T
TURNED TO EVERY SINGLE--
SO THEY'VE TURNED TO THE
GOVERNMENT - MAYBE WE CAN
GET GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS.
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
TRYING TO GET SMALL BUSINESS
LOANS - ONLY 4.4% PERCENT
LET'S SAY THEY'RE LIKE
AT A POINT WHERE
THEY COULD ACTUALLY GO TO
VENTURE CAPITAL FIRMS, AND TRY
TO SOLICIT SOME INVESTORS,
ONLY 13% PERCENT OF BUSINESSES
RUN BY WOMAN EVER GET
VENTURE CAPITAL FUNDING.
WHICH IS A 4% PERCENT INCREASE
IN THE LAST TEN YEARS.

> EWAH...

> SO BASICALLY,
EVERYWHERE
A WOMAN RUNNING A
BUSINESS TURNS, THERE'S JUST
BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK...

> SHOT, SHOT, SHOT...
(and then they both chant "Shot")

> DID THEY SING THAT
SONG IN THE SENATE?

> OH, IN THE SENATE?
EVERYDAY.

> YEAH.
WOMEN SHOULD WALK IN WITH
TEQUILA SHOTS AND SOMBREROS
AND THEN SAY GIVE
ME MY SHOT.

> THAT'S WHAT THEY
SHOULD DO.

> YEAH.
SO, WHY ALL THE PROBLEMS,
YOU MIGHT ASK?

> YET.

> I HAVE A COUPLE OF REASONS.
ACCORDING TO A STUDY
THAT HARVARD, M.I.T., AND
WHARTON SCHOOL OF BUSINESS
DID, THEIR CONCLUSION WAS...
(in an uppity voice)
WE FIND THAT INVESTORS PREFER
ENTREPRENEURIAL PITCHES
PRESENTED BY MALE
ENTREPRENEURS COMPARED
WITH PITCHES PRESENTED BY FEMALE
ENTREPRENEURS EVEN WHEN THE
CONTENT OF THE PITCH IS THE SAME.

> WOW.

> YEAH.

> THAT'S SO SAD.

> VERY SAD.
SOME COUNTRIES HAVE BEEN
TRYING TO FIX THIS PROBLEM,
BY FORCING GENDER QUARTERS
ON BOARDS. SO JAPAN IS TRYING
TO SET 30% PERCENT OF
EXECUTIVES IN A COMPANY
TO BE FEMALE. THE U.K.
IS TRYING FOR 25% PERCENT, AND
NORWAY WHO'S LIKE THE KING
OF BEING PROGRESSIVE IS
SHOOTING FOR 40. THERE'S SOME
DEBATE ABOUT
WHETHER OR NOT THIS IS
WORKING IN THESE COUNTRIES
THAT HAVE BEEN TRYING IT. SAYING
THAT THEY'RE JUST GETTING
WOMEN IN EXECUTIVE POSITIONS
ISN'T REALLY HELPING, BECAUSE THEN
THERE'S NO MIDDLE MANAGEMENT
OF WOMAN. SO LIKE--

> RIGHT.

> --IT'S HARD TO SEE A LADDER,
AND HAVE LIKE A REAL
HIERARCHY.

> I SEE A LADDER
AND I RUN, BECAUSE I'M NOT
WALKING UNDER A LADDER.
WITH THAT BAD LUCK.

> BAD LUCK.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WERE YOU A FIREMAN FOR A WHILE?

> I WAS.

> BUT HOW WOULD YOU--

> I WAS FIRED.

> ANOTHER REASON THAT
WOMEN HAVE A HARD
TIME GETTING LOANS IN
BUSINESSES IS BECAUSE,
IT'S VERY SEXIST. THERE WAS
THIS ANONYMOUS LETTER WRITTEN
BY THIS WOMEN IN SILICON
VALLEY WHO RUNS
HER OWN BUSINESS SENT
IN TO FORBES MAGAZINE--
IT'S INCREDIBLE. THIS GUY WHO
WRITES FOR FORBES WAS LIKE, I CAN'T
BELIEVE THE STUFF SHE'S
SAYING - IT'S SO INSANE. I WOULD
NEVER PUBLISH A THING
ANONYMOUSLY, BUT THIS
NEEDS TO BE SAID. AND THERE'S
THIS APP CALLED
SECRET, I THINK.

> (he gasps)

> DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT WHERE
YOU CAN TELL A SECRET--

> NO--

> --BUT YOU DON'T
HAVE TO TELL YOUR NAME OR
ANYTHING.

> WHAT?

> IT'S USED IN SILICON VALLEY
A LOT TO BE LIKE THIS
PERSON NAMED SOMEBODY,
DID THIS TO ME, ETC., ETC...

> YEAH.

> AND THEN OTHER PEOPLE
CAN BE LIKE, WHAT ME TOO,
BUT IT'S ALL ANONYMOUS.

> I'M DOWNLOADING THIS APP
IMMEDIATELY.

> OH YEAH.

> I HAVE SO MANY THINGS--

> IT'S RIGHT UP--

> --SO MANY BUSINESSES TO BRING
DOWN - SO MANY THINGS TO SAY.
I'M GOING TO BRING THROWING
SHADE DOWN.

> HOW?

> I'M A BE LIKE--

> WE ALREADY ADMIT
EVERYTHING ON
THIS SHOW.

> NO.

> I SAID THAT I DID COCAINE.

> NO.

> AND I HAVEN'T BEEN
ARRESTED YET.

> (whispers) I'M WEARING
SHORTS TODAY.

> OH, THAT'S NOT A SECRET.
YOU'RE CHANGING IT UP, BECAUSE
YOU USUALLY WEAR PANTS.

> (whispers) YES.

> YOU JUST BOUGHT SHORTS
FOR THE FIRST TIME.

> (whispers) THIS WEEKEND.

> HOPE YOU CAN DEAL
WITH HIS SECRET.

> LISTEN, EVERYONE
DOWNLOAD THE
APP AND YOU'LL SEE MY SECRETS.
NO PROBLEM.
I'M BRINGING THE WHOLE
THING DOWN.

> CAN'T WAIT.

> ANYWAY, GO AHEAD.

> OK, SO SHE HAD
MET THIS INVESTOR
AT HIS HOUSE. SHE DIDN'T FEEL
WEIRD ABOUT IT BECAUSE
SHE HAD MET THIS GUY THROUGH
A FAMILY FRIEND, AND SHE
HAD BUSINESS LUNCHES WITH HIM
BEFORE, ALBEIT WITH
OTHER PEOPLE - SHE SAID,
"BEFORE HEADING OUT I
DASHED HOME..."
SHE WAS AT HER OFFICE.
"...I DASHED HOME TO CHANGE
OUT OF A DRESS AND INTO
NONDESCRIPT PANTS, AND
A BAGGY HIGH NECK SWEATER.
SHE'S BASICALLY--

> WELL, UGLY.

> --SCRUBBING HERSELF
OF SEXUALITY.

> RIGHT--

> YEAH.

> OH, I SEE, I SEE...

> SHE SAID ASSUMING THAT HIS
WIFE WOULD BE HOME, I
DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE EITHER OF
THEM THE WRONG IDEA.

> SURE.

> SO HE DID THIS THING
THAT'S SO FUN THAT GUYS
DO SOMETIMES. THEY LIKE
BASICALLY TICK OFF EVERY
SINGLE THING FROM THE BOOK HOW
TO BE A PREDATOR--

> RIGHT.

> --AND JUST,
BUY THE BOOK.

> YEAH.

> HE TOLD HER SHE LOOKED
STRESSED, OFFERED
HER A GLASS OF WINE AND
TRIED TO GIVE HER A BACK
MASSAGE. YEAH.

> THAT IS SO GROSS. LIKE--

> IT IS SO 80S GROSS--

> EWAH...

> --IN THAT WAY OF LIKE,
GOD AT LEAST BE INVENTIVE.

> CAN I GIVE YOU A MASSAGE?
NO. I MEAN YES--

> NO.

> --BUT NO. I'LL TAKE A MESSAGE
BUT LIKE GROSS.

> SHE FINALLY BASICALLY
ALLUDED HIS ADVANCES,
AND BY THAT I MEAN PHYSICALLY
MOVED HER BODY
IN TO DIFFERENT POINTS
OF HIS HOUSE--

> THAT'S SO AWFUL.

> --SO THAT SHE WOULDN'T
HAVE TO BE TOUCHED BY HIM.
HERE'S THE SADDEST THING THAT
SHE SAID, "EVERY PERSON
THAT SHE TOLD ABOUT THE FIRST
GUY WHO TRIED TO SEDUCE
HER IN HIS OWN HOME AGREED
THAT I WOULD NEED TO GO WITH
THE FLOW UNTIL WE FINISHED
OUR RAISE..." WHICH IS HOW THEY
ARE RAISING CAPITAL.
"IT SEEMED THAT
SILENCE WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE SACRIFICES REQUIRED
TO GET MY BUSINESS OFF THE GROUND."

> IT'S INSANE TO ME HOW QUICKLY
GAY RIGHTS IS PROGRESSING,
AND HOW WE REALLY
ARE REGRESSING--

> EVERYTHING IS REGRESSING
WITH WOMEN.

> IT'S SO CRAZY.

> IT'S SO AWFUL. I DO HAVE A
SOLUTION. SO WHAT WE NEED
IS WE NEED TO CIRCUMVENT
THE SYSTEM.

> I ALREADY AM.

> THAT'S CODE FOR WHAT?

> I'M CIRCUMVENTED.

> OH, YOUR--
OOH, I SEE--

> I WAS AS A CHILD.

> SO YOU WEREN'T BORN IN EUROPE
IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

> NO.

> YEAH, OK.

> WE HAVE TO CIRCUMVENT THE
SYSTEM AND I KNOW SOMEONE
WHO CAN HELP EVERYONE DO IT.

> WHO?

> PARIS HILTON. ALL SHE HAS
TO DO IS GIVE AWAY A
QUARTER OF HER MONEY TO FEMALE
LED BUSINESSES WHO
ARE LOOKING FOR VENTURE CAPITALIST.

> MM-HMM.

> RICH WOMEN, STOP
BEING SO GREEDY.

> YEAH.

> AND START BEING GREEDY--

> WELL ALSO MEN.

> NO, I'M SAYING RICH
WOMEN DON'T
BE SO GREEDY--

> YEAH.

> --BE GREEDY IN A DIFFERENT
WAY LIKE RICH DUDES--

> YEAH.

> --AND GIVE YOUR MONEY
AWAY SO YOU CAN MAKE
MORE MONEY,
AND GIVE IT TO WOMAN.
DO IT!

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