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This week, Bryan took a Lyft for the first time! It was as delightful as an emu leg... more »
Published August 19, 2014 31k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Producer: Ross Buran
Producer: Ben Sheehan
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

>: (ERIN):
THIS IS...

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER):
THROWING SHADE.

3

>: (BRYAN):
WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

>: (ERIN):
AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

>: (BRYAN):
TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES AND POLITICS,

6

>: (ERIN):
AND POP CULTURE,

7

>: (BRYAN):
AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH

8

LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

9

(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

10

>: BRYAN I HEARD YOU TOOK A LIFT.
>: I DID--

11

>: AND, DID YOU GET MURDERED?
>: NO I DIDN'T.

12

YOU KNOW I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
AFRAID TO TAKE A LIFT,

13

BECAUSE THEY ENCOURAGE YOU
TO SIT IN THE FRONT SEAT

14

WHICH FOR ME WITH A STRANGER
IT'S LIKE, NO. I'M NOT GOING--

15

--LIKE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IN THE FRONT SEAT WITH A STRANGER?

16

>: TALK TO SOMEBODY?
>: YEAH. ALSO LIKE ABOUT WHAT?

17

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>: YEAH, THE WEATHER--

18

>: YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S REALLY--
>: --BOOKS,

19

HAMBURGERS?
>: IT'S ACTUALLY VERY
SELFLESS OF

20

ME BECAUSE HE'S BEEN PICKING
UP PEOPLE ALL DAY--
>: SEXIST.

21

>: THE SAME QUESTIONS ARE WHAT
PART OF TOWN DO YOU LIFE IN,

22

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING
THIS, UH, DO YOU LIKE WORKING

23

FOR THEM? DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN? IT'S LIKE, I DON'T

24

WANT TO BORE HIM TO DEATH.
I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO,
YOU KNOW...

25

>: THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST
OPEN THE DOOR AND SAY HAVE

26

YOU SEEN THE ESPN 30 ON 30
ABOUT NANCY KERRIGAN,

27

AND TARA LIPINSKI, OR
NOT TARA LIPINSKI--
>: TONYA

28

HARDING.
>: YEAH, WHATEVER.

29

YOU KNOW THEY SHOULD DO A
MICHELLE KWAN, TARA LIPINSKI

30

30 FOR 30. LOOKING AT YOU S-E--
>: S-E? YEAH. S-E AT NAIL ART.

31

>: LOOKING FOR YOU, S--

32

>: SO IT WAS A LOVELY RIDE. AN
EASY BREEZY--
>: DID YOU

33

CHITCHAT?
>: WE DID CHITCHAT
A LITTLE, BECAUSE

34

IT WAS SO NEW TO ME, AND SO HE
WAS LIKE I GOT IN THE CAR,

35

AND I WAS LIKE, "HOW DOES THIS
CLOSE?", AND HE SHOWED

36

ME HOW TO CLOSE THE DOOR--
>: OH GOOD.

37

>: --HE SHOWED ME HOW TO ROLL
DOWN THE WINDOWS.

38

>: THAT'S NICE.
>: THAT WAS FUN.

39

>: HOW MUCH WAS IT?
>: HE-- FROM THE AIRPORT?

40

$30 DOLLARS TOTAL.
>: THAT'S GREAT.

41

>: WHICH IS INSANE, BECAUSE
TAKING A CAB IS USUALLY ABOUT

42

90 FOR ME.
>: 65.

43

>: AND IT WAS SO FUNNY,
BECAUSE AT THE END I GO,

44

I THOUGHT AT THE END YOU'D
YOU LIFT THE CAR UP (laughs).

45

>: WITH WHAT?
>: IT WAS JUST A...

46

>: A MAGNET CRANE?
>: YEAH JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T

47

MEAN IT.
>: CANADA AIRLINES REALLY
DICKED ME OVER.

48

>: REALLY? THEY WERE SO NICE TO ME.
>: UH-UH. THEY DIDN'T WARN

49

ME ON HOW MUCH
TIME WE HAD LEFT--
>: TO WHAT?

50

>: TILL WE LANDED--
>: OH.

51

>: --SO I GOT ALL MY WORK DONE,
AND I WAS LIKE I'M

52

GOING TO WATCH CAPTAIN
AMERICA WINTER SOLDIER--
>: MM-HMM.

53

>: --AND THE PLANE LANDED,
AND I HAD 30 MINUTES LEFT.

54

>: OH THAT'S AWFUL.
>: AND I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO--

55

>: YEAH.
>: AM I GOING TO SIT HERE
AND WATCH THIS MOVIE

56

WHILE EVERYONE'S RUSHING PAST ME.
CAN I DO THAT?

57

HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE
TO GET THE BAGS OUT.
I DON'T KNOW.

58

>: YEAH.
>: THIS IS THE END OF
THE MOVIE.

59

I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THE RESOLUTION IS.
>: I'LL TELL YOU.

60

>: DID YOU SEE IT FOR REAL?
>: I DID.

61

>: OK.
>: HE-- WHAT DOES HE FIGHT WITH,
LIKE WITH A MACHETE?

62

A STICK? A GUN?
>: A CIRCLE.

63

>: HE TAKES HIS CIRCLE GUN...
HE TAKES HIS SHIELD--

64

>: YEAH.
--AND HE GOES AND HE KNOCKS
ON EVERYONE'S DOOR--

65

>: IT'S A HUBCAP OF LIKE AN
OLD NAZI TANK.
>: YEAH.

66

>: HE KNOCKS ON MARK
RUFFALO'S DOOR, AND IS LIKE,

67

"MARK, WHAT'S UP MAN?
LIKE WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO EVEN..."

68

>: (she gasps)
>: --AND THEN HE SLAMS
HIM OVER THE HEAD,

69

AND THEN HE KNOCKS ON SCARLETT
JOHANSSON'S DOOR,

70

SLAMS HER OVER THE HEAD.
KNOCKS ON ROBERT DOWNEY JR.'S--

71

ALL THE AVENGERS ARE DEAD,
AND AT THE END HE GOES,

72

"PROTECT YOURSELF.
HASHTAG #SHIELD"

73

>: OH, I SEE.
>: AND THEN IT ENDS.

74

>: YEAH.
>: WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING
AWFUL THAT I READ?

75

>: MM-HMM.
>: APPARENTLY THIS
IS VERY TRUE--

76

>: WHERE DO YOU READ ALL OF
THIS CATASTROPHIC--
CATASTROPHE TODAY?

77

>: MM-HMM. CATASTROPHE TODAY.
THIS IS...

78

HEADLINE.
>: YEAH. DATELINE NBC.
I KNOW WHAT

79

YOU'RE DOING.
>: APPARENTLY THE TURKEY

80

LEGS THEY SELL AT DISNEY LAND ARE EMU.

81

>: WHAT?
>: YEAH. THEY'RE NOT TURKEY.

82

>: WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?
IS IT CHEAPER?
>: IT MUST

83

BE CHEAPER.
>: ARE THEY BIGGER?
>: BUT SEE I DON'T

84

FEEL THAT DISNEY LAND DOES
THINGS ON THE CHEAP.

85

>: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HAVE YOU EVER

86

ATE A PIZZA FROM DISNEY LAND?
IT'S LIKE EATING

87

A CARDBOARD BOX WITH
CHEESE ON TOP.
>: NO.

88

>: AND IT'S $25 DOLLARS--
THEY HAVE YOU. YOU'RE DEEP IN,

89

YOU'VE BEEN WALKING FOR HOURS,
YOU'RE FUCKING HUNGRY--

90

THIS IS WHAT NOMADS HAD TO DEAL
WITH IN THE DESERT EXCEPT

91

CHANGE THE DESERT
OUT FOR RIDES.
>: I GO TO PIRATES

92

OF THE CARIBBEAN AND
HAVE A SIT DOWN MEAL.

93

>: THAT IS THE GROSSES--
>: OH, NO IT'S NOT.

94

>: WHY ISN'T BOURBON STREET TOO?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

95

>: I CALL THE MAITRE D AND
I SAY, (inaudible) IT'S BRYAN.

96

>: UH-HUH.
>: I NEED MY TABLE.
MY SIGNATURE TABLE.

97

>: OH, YOU SIT RIGHT BY THE--
>: I SIT RIGHT BY THE SHORE.

98

>: RIGHT BY THE MARAUDERS.
>: RIGHT BY THE SHORE, AND I

99

SAY FETTUCCINE, YOU KNOW,
BREAD, THE WORKS.

100

>: MAKE NO MISTAKE, THE ONLY
REASON PEOPLE EAT THERE IS

101

BECAUSE IT'S AIR
CONDITIONED. THAT'S IT.

102

>: YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE.
>: I MEAN, WHO'S GOING

103

TO EAT FETTUCCINE ALFREDO
IN A THEME PARK?
>: (he laughs)

104

>: FUCKING, A MURDERER.
>: YOU'RE RIGHT.

105

>: WHEN THEY THINK YOU'VE
MURDERED SOMEBODY, YOU GO

106

INTO THE POLICE STATION,
AND THEY GO DO YOU EAT

107

FETTUCCINE ALFREDO IN THE DEAD
SUMMER HEAT IN A THEME PARK--

108

>: COULD YOU IMAGINE?
>: --SURROUNDED BY
CONCRETE, AND

109

FAKE CARS THAT DON'T EVEN
GO THAT FAST, BUT SOMEHOW EMIT

110

MORE C02 THAN A
FUCKING RANGE ROVER.

111

>: CAN YOU IMAGINE 95
DEGREES AND THINKING TO

112

YOURSELF, (sigh) HOT CREAM.

113

114

A NEW STUDY WAS RECENTLY
DONE ABOUT HOW RELIGIOUS

115

LGBT ADULTS ARE, BECAUSE
OBVIOUSLY RELIGION HASN'T

116

ALWAYS BEEN A BEST FRIEND
TO GAY AND LESBIANS--

117

>: NO, BUT THERE ARE SOME CHURCHES
WHO ARE KIND OF INCLUSIVE RIGHT?

118

>: THERE ARE SOME WHO ARE
INCLUSIVE, SORT OF NEWLY

119

INCLUSIVE, MOSTLY IN VERY URBAN
AREAS, AND THAT KIND

120

OF THING.
>: KEITH URBAN AREAS?

121

>: KEITH URBAN-- ANYWHERE THAT
PLAYS KEITH URBAN, AND

122

BY PROXY, ANY CHURCH THAT'S A
HUGE FAN OF NICOLE KIDMAN,

123

USUALLY ALLOWS
GAY PEOPLE.
>: YEAH.

124

>: BY AND LARGE I WOULD SAY
THAT MOST RELIGIOUS INSTITUTIONS

125

ARE NOT HUGE FANS OF THE GAYS.
I THINK THAT TIDE IS TURNING A

126

LITTLE BIT, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY,
YOU KNOW, THE MAJORITY--

127

RELIGION HASN'T BEEN SO
NICE TO GAY PEOPLE.

128

>: RELIGION ISN'T REALLY NICE TO
ANY PEOPLE IF YOU THINK

129

ABOUT IT.
>: (laughs) I MEAN, I GUESS
IT'S NOT.

130

THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE OF THE KIND
OF SIGNAGE SOMETIMES ARE ON THESE

131

DEEPLY CONSERVATIVE RELIGIOUS
INSTITUTIONS. YOU KNOW HOW

132

CHURCHES WILL HAVE SIGNS WHERE
YOU CAN PUT THE LETTERS

133

ON AND--
>: YEAH.
>: --THAT WHOLE THING, LIKE A

134

MARQUEE?
>: YEAH, LIKE AND HOW ALL DAIRY
QUEENS USED TO DO IT, YEAH.

135

>: EXACTLY. THEIR NEWEST SIGN
IS OBAMA HAS

136

RELEASED THE HOMO DEMONS
ON THE BLACK MAN.

137

LOOK OUT BLACK WOMAN.
A WHITE HOMO MAY
TAKE YOUR MAN.

138

>: SORRY--
>: ANY QUESTIONS?

139

>: YEAH, I HAVE A COUPLE
OF QUESTIONS.
WELL, OK, IF

140

OBAMA'S RELEASING THE GAY
DEMONS ON THE BLACK MAN--

141

>: YES.
>: --RIGHT, SO BLACK MEN ARE
GOING TO BE GAY.

142

>: NO. THE WHITE GAY MAN
IS STEALING THE--

143

>: OH, THE BLACK MAN.
>: --HUSBANDS OF BLACK WOMAN.

144

>: RIGHT. NOW I'M ON BOARD.
>: RIGHT.

145

THE FACT THAT IT GOES TO
SHOW YOU THAT IT'S NOT

146

THAT UNUSUAL THAT LGBT PEOPLE
WOULD NOT REALLY BE INTERESTED

147

IN RELIGION AND WOULD MOVE
AWAY FROM IT. WELL, SO A

148

RECENT SURVEY DONE BY GALLOP
FOUND THAT LGBT ADULTS IN THE

149

U.S. ARE CONSIDERABLY MORE LIKELY
TO IDENTIFY THEMSELVES

150

AS NON-RELIGIOUS. 47% PERCENT
OF LGBT ADULTS SAY THAT

151

THEY ARE NON-RELIGIOUS,
COMPARED TO 30% PERCENT OF

152

NON-LGBT ADULTS.
>: OH, I SEE, SO
IT'S 17% HIGHER.

153

>: 17% PERCENT HIGHER -
THAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 47 AND

154

30% PERCENT THAT'S MOSTLY
FOR MEN. FOR WOMEN IT'S AN

155

EVEN BIGGER DISPARITY.
THE WOMAN HAVE REALLY--
LGBT WOMAN,

156

HAVE REALLY BEEN LIKE
THANKS BUT UH--
>: HAVE THE WOMEN

157

IN THE CHURCH WHO COME OUT AS
LESBIANS HAD A HARDER TIME?

158

>: I DON'T KNOW WHY.
IT DOESN'T EXPLAIN IT.

159

>: I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WOULD
KNOW SINCE YOU COUNSEL SO

160

MANY LESBIANS IN THE
CATHOLIC CHURCH.

161

>: I DO, THAT IS PART OF MY JOB.
MY COUNSELING IS, UH

162

TRY AGAIN. I HAVE THEM FOOLED,
BECAUSE I WEAR

163

A HABIT. IT'S VERY CONFUSING,
BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO--

164

>: YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR BEARD
LASERED RIGHT?

165

>: AND I ALSO DO HAVE TO
WEAR A TON OF
MAKE-UP TO

166

REALLY PULL IT OFF.
SO, I'M NOT REALLY A
NUN TO TRUST,

167

BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT REALLY
SUPPOSED TO WEAR--

168

>: MAKE-UP?
>: EXACTLY.

169

>: OR LASER THEIR BEARDS.
>: BUT TO MAKE IT LIKE

170

SO THAT NO ONE REALLY
QUESTIONS ANYTHING,

171

I PRETEND THAT I'M MISSING
ONE LEG.
>: SO, THEY FEEL

172

SORRY FOR YOU? MM-HMM.
>: YES, AND I HAVE A DOG WITH

173

ONLY ONE LEG THAT HOPS
AROUND, AND I MAKE THE DOG

174

HOP AROUND THE PERSON,
AND I SAY THIS IS MY SISTER,

175

AND THE PERSON THAT I'M
INTERVIEWING IS LIKE, THIS

176

SEEMS WEIRD, AND I GO,
"HOW DARE YOU, BECAUSE I'M

177

MISSING LIMBS? LADIES AND
GENTLEMAN EXHIBIT A."

178

>: WELL JUST LADIES YEAH.
>: YEAH.

179

>>: JUST LADIES AND
LADIES, YEAH.
>: AND THEN THEY

180

LEAVE, BUT OR--

181

>: BUT DO THEY TAKE
YOUR ADVICE?

182

>: --YEAH. I SAY, THINK AGAIN.
>: WILL YEAH

183

THIS IS REALLY THEIR PROBLEM.
SMOKING IN THE YEAH--

184

IN THE CONFESSIONAL BOX.
>: AND THEN I GO, DON'T TELL

185

ANYONE I SMOKE.
OK, SO GALLUP AND THIS
POLL IDENTIFIED

186

PEOPLE WHO ARE HIGHLY RELIGIOUS,
AS THOSE WHO

187

SAY RELIGION IS A VERY
IMPORTANT PART OF THEIR

188

DAILY LIVES, AND
THEY ATTEND--
>: DAILY LIVES?

189

>: YEAH.
>: MY GRANDMA USED TO PRAY
BEFORE EVERY MEAL.

190

AND KISS HER ROSARY.
>: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT MY

191

FUCKIN' FAMILY DOES.
>: KISS ROSARIES?

192

>: NO.
>: PRAY BEFORE
EVERY MEAL?

193

>: WE PRAY, AND THEN WE SING
KISS FROM A ROSE.

194

>: OH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
>: YEAH. IT IS DIFFERENT.

195

>: GOD, I HATE TO BE
HUNGRY AT YOUR HOUSE.

196

>: (chuckles) OH IT'S GREAT.
WE GET TOGETHER AT 5 AND WE

197

EAT AT 11. SO...

198

WITH THIS MILLENNIAL STUDY,
I GUESS P.R.I. FOUND

199

THAT LGBT ISSUES RATHER
THAN FAITH HAS PLAYED A MAJOR

200

ROLE IN PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY
FROM THE CHURCH. WHICH IS

201

VERY INTERESTING,
AND I GUESS GALLUP'S FINDINGS

202

PERHAPS SUGGEST THE SAME THING.
THE TREATMENT

203

OF LGBT PEOPLE, OR THE WAY
THE CHURCH REGARDS THAT

204

IS WHAT'S PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY,
NOT NECESSARILY FAITH.

205

>: WOULD YOU SAY THEY'RE
DIGGING THEIR OWN GRAVES?

206

>: HERE'S THE THING, SO I GREW
UP IN A VERY RELIGIOUS

207

HOUSEHOLD, UM, WE WENT TO
CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. I WENT

208

TO PRIVATE SCHOOL--
>: CATHOLIC?

209

>: NO, EPISCOPAL RUN BY THE
CHURCH, AND NOT THE COOL

210

EPISCOPAL EITHER-- SO I WAS IN
CHURCH EVERY SINGLE

211

MORNING EXCEPT SATURDAYS.
SO I WENT WITH MY FAMILY

212

SUNDAY, AND MONDAY THROUGH
FRIDAY WITH MY SCHOOL

213

>: I HONESTLY CAN'T
EVEN IMAGINE IT.

214

>: I NEVER REALLY FELT CONNECTED
WITH IT EVER IN MY

215

LIFE, BUT THE THING IS-- FOR
INSTANCE, WE WERE JUST

216

IN BOSTON, AND WE'VE BEEN
IN THESE CITIES, CHURCHES

217

ARE AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
>: YEAH. WELL THAT'S WHERE

218

ALL THE MONEY WAS.
>: IT'S TOO BAD THAT THE
CHURCH'S HEART

219

DOESN'T MATCH THE BEAUTY
OF SOME OF THE STRUCTURES.

220

>: AGREED.
>: WHEN I WENT IN THAT
CHURCH IT WAS LIKE,

221

THIS IS SO MAGNIFICENT,
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL, DOES THIS

222

PLACE FEEL THE SAME WAY
ABOUT ME? PROBS-NOT.

223

>: YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW
NOTHING REALLY CAN BEAT

224

TRUMP TOWERS IN CHICAGO,
NOT EVERYBODY CAN--

225

>: YOU'RE RIGHT. RISE TO THAT--
>: --REALLY RISE TO THAT

226

KIND OF ARCHITECTURE OR BEAUTY.
>: EXACTLY, EXACTLY. WELL,
HERE'S HOPING.

227

>: SO, UH, I DON'T KNOW...

228

TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT.

229

230

>: SHOW ME THE MONEY.
>: CUBA.

231

>: JERRY MAGUIRE AND EVERY
SINGLE WOMAN TRYING TO RUN

232

A BUSINESS IN THE U.S.

233

SO WOMEN RUN COMPANIES ARE
ONE OF THE FASTEST GROWING

234

SEGMENT OF AMERICA'S BUSINESS,
BUT LIKE THE SONG

235

GOES, THE SISTERS ARE
DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES.

236

>: I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO SAY,

237

(he sings)
Like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there

238

>: WHY? THERE IS NO--
>: I JUST WANTED TO SING, BECAUSE

239

I THINK I SING IT PRETTY.
>: SO OUT OF THE SMALL

240

BUSINESS LOANS GIVEN OUT
ONLY 4.4% PERCENT GO TO WOMEN.

241

>: WHAT?
>: YEAH.

242

THIS IS ACCORDING TO A REPORT
FROM THE SENATE

243

COMMITTEE ON SMALL BUSINESS
AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP.

244

NOT ONLY THAT, AROUND 1994
THE GOVERNMENT WAS LIKE,

245

WE SHOULD BE GIVING OUT, I DON'T
KNOW, AT LEAST 5% PERCENT
OF FEDERAL CONTRACTS TO

246

BUSINESSES--
>: SO GENEROUS.

247

>: --(laughs) BUSINESSES RUN
BY WOMAN - HAVEN'T DONE IT YET.

248

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS 5% PERCENT.
THAT'S SO HARD.

249

>: YEAH, WELL YOU KNOW,
5% PERCENT OF UH...

250

>: A 100% PERCENT IS--
>: --IS 5% PERCENT.

251

>: --VERY SMALL, YEAH.
>: YEAH.

252

>: THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF
REASONS WHY THIS IS HAPPENING,

253

BUT NOT LIKE WOMEN HAVEN'T
TURNED TO EVERY SINGLE--

254

SO THEY'VE TURNED TO THE
GOVERNMENT - MAYBE WE CAN

255

GET GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS.
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

256

TRYING TO GET SMALL BUSINESS
LOANS - ONLY 4.4% PERCENT

257

LET'S SAY THEY'RE LIKE
AT A POINT WHERE

258

THEY COULD ACTUALLY GO TO
VENTURE CAPITAL FIRMS, AND TRY

259

TO SOLICIT SOME INVESTORS,
ONLY 13% PERCENT OF BUSINESSES

260

RUN BY WOMAN EVER GET
VENTURE CAPITAL FUNDING.

261

WHICH IS A 4% PERCENT INCREASE
IN THE LAST TEN YEARS.

262

>: EWAH...
>: SO BASICALLY,
EVERYWHERE

263

A WOMAN RUNNING A
BUSINESS TURNS, THERE'S JUST

264

BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK...

265

>: SHOT, SHOT, SHOT...

266

(and then they both chant "Shot")

267

>: DID THEY SING THAT
SONG IN THE SENATE?

268

>: OH, IN THE SENATE?
EVERYDAY.
>: YEAH.

269

WOMEN SHOULD WALK IN WITH
TEQUILA SHOTS AND SOMBREROS

270

AND THEN SAY GIVE
ME MY SHOT.
>: THAT'S WHAT THEY

271

SHOULD DO.
>: YEAH.

272

SO, WHY ALL THE PROBLEMS,
YOU MIGHT ASK?
>: YET.

273

>: I HAVE A COUPLE OF REASONS.
ACCORDING TO A STUDY

274

THAT HARVARD, M.I.T., AND
WHARTON SCHOOL OF BUSINESS

275

DID, THEIR CONCLUSION WAS...

276

(in an uppity voice)
WE FIND THAT INVESTORS PREFER

277

ENTREPRENEURIAL PITCHES
PRESENTED BY MALE

278

ENTREPRENEURS COMPARED
WITH PITCHES PRESENTED BY FEMALE

279

ENTREPRENEURS EVEN WHEN THE
CONTENT OF THE PITCH IS THE SAME.

280

>: WOW.
>: YEAH.

281

>: THAT'S SO SAD.
>: VERY SAD.

282

SOME COUNTRIES HAVE BEEN
TRYING TO FIX THIS PROBLEM,

283

BY FORCING GENDER QUARTERS
ON BOARDS. SO JAPAN IS TRYING

284

TO SET 30% PERCENT OF
EXECUTIVES IN A COMPANY

285

TO BE FEMALE. THE U.K.
IS TRYING FOR 25% PERCENT, AND

286

NORWAY WHO'S LIKE THE KING
OF BEING PROGRESSIVE IS

287

SHOOTING FOR 40. THERE'S SOME
DEBATE ABOUT

288

WHETHER OR NOT THIS IS
WORKING IN THESE COUNTRIES

289

THAT HAVE BEEN TRYING IT. SAYING
THAT THEY'RE JUST GETTING

290

WOMEN IN EXECUTIVE POSITIONS
ISN'T REALLY HELPING, BECAUSE THEN

291

THERE'S NO MIDDLE MANAGEMENT
OF WOMAN. SO LIKE--
>: RIGHT.

292

>: --IT'S HARD TO SEE A LADDER,
AND HAVE LIKE A REAL

293

HIERARCHY.
>: I SEE A LADDER

294

AND I RUN, BECAUSE I'M NOT
WALKING UNDER A LADDER.

295

WITH THAT BAD LUCK.
>: BAD LUCK.
THAT'S RIGHT.

296

WERE YOU A FIREMAN FOR A WHILE?

297

>: I WAS.
>: BUT HOW WOULD YOU--

298

>: I WAS FIRED.
>: ANOTHER REASON THAT
WOMEN HAVE A HARD

299

TIME GETTING LOANS IN
BUSINESSES IS BECAUSE,

300

IT'S VERY SEXIST. THERE WAS
THIS ANONYMOUS LETTER WRITTEN

301

BY THIS WOMEN IN SILICON
VALLEY WHO RUNS

302

HER OWN BUSINESS SENT
IN TO FORBES MAGAZINE--

303

IT'S INCREDIBLE. THIS GUY WHO
WRITES FOR FORBES WAS LIKE, I CAN'T

304

BELIEVE THE STUFF SHE'S
SAYING - IT'S SO INSANE. I WOULD

305

NEVER PUBLISH A THING
ANONYMOUSLY, BUT THIS

306

NEEDS TO BE SAID. AND THERE'S
THIS APP CALLED

307

SECRET, I THINK.
>: (he gasps)

308

>: DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT WHERE
YOU CAN TELL A SECRET--

309

>: NO--
>: --BUT YOU DON'T
HAVE TO TELL YOUR NAME OR

310

ANYTHING.
>: WHAT?

311

>: IT'S USED IN SILICON VALLEY
A LOT TO BE LIKE THIS

312

PERSON NAMED SOMEBODY,
DID THIS TO ME, ETC., ETC...

313

>: YEAH.
>: AND THEN OTHER PEOPLE
CAN BE LIKE, WHAT ME TOO,

314

BUT IT'S ALL ANONYMOUS.
>: I'M DOWNLOADING THIS APP

315

IMMEDIATELY.
>: OH YEAH.

316

>: I HAVE SO MANY THINGS--
>: IT'S RIGHT UP--

317

>: --SO MANY BUSINESSES TO BRING
DOWN - SO MANY THINGS TO SAY.

318

I'M GOING TO BRING THROWING
SHADE DOWN.
>: HOW?

319

>: I'M A BE LIKE--
>: WE ALREADY ADMIT
EVERYTHING ON

320

THIS SHOW.
>: NO.

321

>: I SAID THAT I DID COCAINE.
>: NO.

322

>: AND I HAVEN'T BEEN
ARRESTED YET.

323

>: (whispers) I'M WEARING
SHORTS TODAY.

324

>: OH, THAT'S NOT A SECRET.
YOU'RE CHANGING IT UP, BECAUSE

325

YOU USUALLY WEAR PANTS.
>: (whispers) YES.

326

>: YOU JUST BOUGHT SHORTS
FOR THE FIRST TIME.

327

>: (whispers) THIS WEEKEND.
>: HOPE YOU CAN DEAL

328

WITH HIS SECRET.
>: LISTEN, EVERYONE
DOWNLOAD THE

329

APP AND YOU'LL SEE MY SECRETS.
NO PROBLEM.

330

I'M BRINGING THE WHOLE
THING DOWN.
>: CAN'T WAIT.

331

>: ANYWAY, GO AHEAD.
>: OK, SO SHE HAD
MET THIS INVESTOR

332

AT HIS HOUSE. SHE DIDN'T FEEL
WEIRD ABOUT IT BECAUSE

333

SHE HAD MET THIS GUY THROUGH
A FAMILY FRIEND, AND SHE

334

HAD BUSINESS LUNCHES WITH HIM
BEFORE, ALBEIT WITH

335

OTHER PEOPLE - SHE SAID,
"BEFORE HEADING OUT I
DASHED HOME..."

336

SHE WAS AT HER OFFICE.
"...I DASHED HOME TO CHANGE

337

OUT OF A DRESS AND INTO
NONDESCRIPT PANTS, AND

338

A BAGGY HIGH NECK SWEATER.
SHE'S BASICALLY--

339

>: WELL, UGLY.
>: --SCRUBBING HERSELF
OF SEXUALITY.

340

>: RIGHT--
>: YEAH.
>: OH, I SEE, I SEE...

341

>: SHE SAID ASSUMING THAT HIS
WIFE WOULD BE HOME, I

342

DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE EITHER OF
THEM THE WRONG IDEA.

343

>: SURE.
>: SO HE DID THIS THING
THAT'S SO FUN THAT GUYS

344

DO SOMETIMES. THEY LIKE
BASICALLY TICK OFF EVERY

345

SINGLE THING FROM THE BOOK HOW
TO BE A PREDATOR--

346

>: RIGHT.
>: --AND JUST,
BUY THE BOOK.

347

>: YEAH.
>: HE TOLD HER SHE LOOKED
STRESSED, OFFERED

348

HER A GLASS OF WINE AND
TRIED TO GIVE HER A BACK

349

MASSAGE. YEAH.
>: THAT IS SO GROSS. LIKE--

350

>: IT IS SO 80S GROSS--
>: EWAH...

351

>: --IN THAT WAY OF LIKE,
GOD AT LEAST BE INVENTIVE.

352

>: CAN I GIVE YOU A MASSAGE?
NO. I MEAN YES--
>: NO.

353

>: --BUT NO. I'LL TAKE A MESSAGE
BUT LIKE GROSS.

354

>: SHE FINALLY BASICALLY
ALLUDED HIS ADVANCES,

355

AND BY THAT I MEAN PHYSICALLY
MOVED HER BODY

356

IN TO DIFFERENT POINTS
OF HIS HOUSE--
>: THAT'S SO AWFUL.

357

>: --SO THAT SHE WOULDN'T
HAVE TO BE TOUCHED BY HIM.

358

HERE'S THE SADDEST THING THAT
SHE SAID, "EVERY PERSON

359

THAT SHE TOLD ABOUT THE FIRST
GUY WHO TRIED TO SEDUCE

360

HER IN HIS OWN HOME AGREED
THAT I WOULD NEED TO GO WITH

361

THE FLOW UNTIL WE FINISHED
OUR RAISE..." WHICH IS HOW THEY

362

ARE RAISING CAPITAL.
"IT SEEMED THAT
SILENCE WAS JUST

363

ONE OF THOSE SACRIFICES REQUIRED
TO GET MY BUSINESS OFF THE GROUND."

364

>: IT'S INSANE TO ME HOW QUICKLY
GAY RIGHTS IS PROGRESSING,

365

AND HOW WE REALLY
ARE REGRESSING--

366

>: EVERYTHING IS REGRESSING
WITH WOMEN.
>: IT'S SO CRAZY.

367

>: IT'S SO AWFUL. I DO HAVE A
SOLUTION. SO WHAT WE NEED

368

IS WE NEED TO CIRCUMVENT
THE SYSTEM.

369

>: I ALREADY AM.
>: THAT'S CODE FOR WHAT?

370

>: I'M CIRCUMVENTED.
>: OH, YOUR--

371

OOH, I SEE--
>: I WAS AS A CHILD.

372

>: SO YOU WEREN'T BORN IN EUROPE
IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

373

>: NO.
>: YEAH, OK.

374

>: WE HAVE TO CIRCUMVENT THE
SYSTEM AND I KNOW SOMEONE

375

WHO CAN HELP EVERYONE DO IT.
>: WHO?

376

>: PARIS HILTON. ALL SHE HAS
TO DO IS GIVE AWAY A

377

QUARTER OF HER MONEY TO FEMALE
LED BUSINESSES WHO

378

ARE LOOKING FOR VENTURE CAPITALIST.
>: MM-HMM.

379

>: RICH WOMEN, STOP
BEING SO GREEDY.

380

>: YEAH.
>: AND START BEING GREEDY--

381

>: WELL ALSO MEN.
>: NO, I'M SAYING RICH
WOMEN DON'T

382

BE SO GREEDY--
>: YEAH.

383

>: --BE GREEDY IN A DIFFERENT
WAY LIKE RICH DUDES--

384

>: YEAH.
>: --AND GIVE YOUR MONEY
AWAY SO YOU CAN MAKE

385

MORE MONEY,
AND GIVE IT TO WOMAN.

386

DO IT!

387

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