Starring: Regis Philbin, Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Lamorne Morris, Hannah Simone, Liz Meriwether, Jake Kasdan Directors - Matt Villines & Osmany Rodriguez Producer - Juliet Seniff Writer - JJ Philbin Director of Photography - Kevin Atkinson Editor- Zach Anderson Associate Producer - Matt Mazany 1st AD: Caitlin Smith Camera Operators - Gabe Diniz, Amy Eckland Gaffer - Geoff Knight Key Grip - Jason B. McCann Sound - Bo Sundberg for BoTown Sound Hair/MU - Amy Mills PA - Luis Sanchez
Zooey Deschanel: I mean, at first it was really flattering.
Elizabeth Meriwether: I mean, yeah. We, we heard he loved the show.
Zooey Deschanel: We love him. Yeah.
Elizabeth Meriwether: And we love him, and we were so thrilled. It's just, you know, I mean he's a, he's a TV legend. It just, you know. It got...
Zooey Deschanel: It got...it got weird.
Zooey Deschanel: Oh my God.
Jake Johnson: What?
Zooey Deschanel: Don't turn around.
Jake Johnson: Who is it? Is it Regis?
Regis Philbin: Hey! Hey everybody! I'm back! Yeah, Regis is back! Oh my gosh and I've got a lot of ideas.
Jake Johnson: I'm sure you do.
Regis Philbin: Listen, let's start talking right now! About season two.
Jake Johnson: Huh?
Regis Philbin: I love this show! FOX! New girl! It's a dork able! It is!
Hannah Simone: He started showing up all the time.
Regis Philbin: I got Nick ideas, I got Jess ideas, I even know what Winston should be doing! Do you know what he should be doing?
Lamorne Morris: For the most part, easy having him around. Okay, look. There was one difficult dynamic.
Max Greenfield: Hey, Regis?
Regis Philbin: Yeah?
Max Greenfield: I just came over to tell you that I'm a, you know, I'm a really huge fan.
Regis Philbin: Who are you? And, who is this guy? With the big face. Huh? What do you want?
Regis Philbin: You make me nervous. You know it?
Max Greenfield: All right. I'm sorry.
Regis Philbin: Stop kissing up to me.
Max Greenfield: I mean, me personally? I, I used to watch Millionaire all the time. What a joy that was with the whole family. It's kinda sad how this whole thing played out.
Hannah Simone: Regis hates Max. He hates him.
Regis Philbin: There's a bus, goes off the embankment. Kills Schmidt. Kills him dead! And the next episode? [Hits Desk] Business as usual. You understand that? You! With the hair!
Regis Philbin: They were right about the broad, though. Yeah, that Zooey? Dynamite! Firecracker! A cold I'd like to catch. [Giggles]
Zooey Deschanel: Eventually, we decided that, um, we would let him write his own stuff.
Regis Philbin: Got a new script for ya.
Jake Johnson: Okay.
Regis Philbin: Take a look at it, buddy.
Jake Johnson: I don't think Max is gonna wanna do this.
Jake Johnson: Looks like it's curtains for old Schmidt.
Zooey Deschanel: It's a shame about his big head. Looks just like Eddie Fischer.
Max Greenfield: Bull [Beep] [Beep] Bull [Beep]
Jake Johnson: Why'd you do it, Winston?
Lamorne Morris: I don't know. Like, I seriously have no idea why I did this.
Jake Johnson: Right? It's ridiculous.
Regis Philbin: Hey New Girls! I hear that you need a new roommate! Ah, I'm taking the black guy's room.
Jake Johnson: Rege.
Regis Philbin: And scene. I nailed it!
Jake Johnson: You did great, Regis. Like always.
Zooey Deschanel: Thanks for directing and writing.
Jake Johnson: [Whispering] Luckily for us, the problem solves itself. Regis powers down every day at four o'clock so, we have one hour to shoot the real show.
Lamorne Morris: Now honestly I just watch my step. You never know who's where in the show season three.
Regis Philbin: You know damn well it's Zooey's show! What's wrong with you?
Max Greenfield: It's Zoh-Ee!
Max Greenfield: let me tell you something. I'm pretty sure that Regis keyed my new Re-envisioned Fiat! They don't just give those to anybody!