The Honest Bachelor
ESPN reporter Britt McHenry was not the only one to freak out after car troubles recently. We spotted David Spade having his own freakout at one unlucky parking clerk.
- April 21, 2015
- 260k Views
Director- Danny Jelinek
Producer- Brianne Trosie
Editor- Marty Cramer
April 21, 2015
David Spade: I need to get my Ford focus out of this shithole,
by the way it's a Focus LX.
> (Male Voice): What's your name?
> Is that a joke? Like you don't fucking know.
See that license. Don't look at the age, but look at the license.
> (Male Voice): You're on camera.
> What are...What camera? I'm on camera, I know.
You're starting to get it. I'm famous. You don't look so hot dipshit.
You know why I do, because I'm on TV. I have star quality. Do you understand?
I am a superstar.
> (Male Voice): What show are you on?
> I'm not on a show right now per se presently, but I'm a star nonetheless.
I-I have a lot of pitch meetings with various producers and things...
Fuck you...who the fuck...
Trying not to be a dick here, but dude I got a meeting at the Yard House.
Can you get into the Yard House?
> (Male Voice): Yes.
Do you follow what I'm saying, or you're too stupid?
If you're a superstar, international, do you know what Grownups did in Germany?
It's a fucking joke that I have to tell you this.
Grownups money, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag, Benchwarmers...
This is the sort of thing where you let me go, and we call it even, and I'm
a fucking big deal, and you go back to your dogshit life, and I go back to
banging beaver. So can we...(whistles)
the process, and I...(clicks teeth)
Trying not to be a dick dude. I'd like to be your friend.
Wouldn't you like to be friends with a star? Down by the equator, when it
gets hotter, I get more famous. I don't know why.
You ever feather your hair? You don't even fucking know how. I bet you don't
have a crimping iron. I do crunches in my sleep, and I do the gravitron.
You know what that is?
> (Male Voice): No.
> I don't think you do fatso, because you're a little blubbery.
Lets not start a blab-alanche. You might kill some people with your fat ass,
fuck face. Yeah, I'm a professional comedy writer, you guessed it, you're
fucking fried. In 6th grade I read 47 books. Do you know what Eisenhower's
astrological sign was?
> (Male Voice): Aries.
You know what I was doing when I was 25? I was busting my hump out in the comedy
circuit becoming famous which was my dream, more than Kylie Jenner
if you can believe it, alright. It wasn't my dream to date a ton of
black guys, but...
Ahh, you make me itch, because I'm allergic to this shithole.
How many sequels did you do to your hit movies? I did a couple.
You know J.J. Abrams, director of Star Wars? Great friend of mine.
You ever heard of him?
> (Male Voice): My brother's his editor.
> He is? Alright, well don't say that I said that.
You know how many followers I have on instagram?
> (Male Voice): A million?
> Why do you fuckin' highball me? I have 254 thousand which is big.
No one has a million. 254 is almost as high as you can get on instagram, alright.
On Twitter I have more.
> There are promo models with that many.
> What the fuck are you...(inaudible)?
I can't step foot in Bulgaria. If I was there, they'd beat the fuck out of you
for just talking to me. I'm like royalty. How much is it again? 5 bucks?
You ever seen a 5 before?
Oh...yeah that's Abe Lincoln. He was our 20th president. You didn't know that
did you? How was 4th grade when you dropped out?
There's your money. I made it rain. Pick it up motherfucka.
Jon Lovitz: What a prick. Should'a knocked that guy out when I had the chance.