A dying ballad to a beloved girlfriend.

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May 15, 2010


If I Had One Day

By Tolan and Max

Performed on Semester at Sea Spring 2010 Voyage


T: If I had one day (IIHOD), I'd wanna wake up by your side, I'd make you waffles in the morning, and maybe do the dishes, I'd pick you flowers that match your eyes
M: If I had one day, I'd build a boat for you and take you on a love cruise, like this one
T: IIHOD I'd create a new religion and worship you.
M: IIHOD I'd make you a chocolate fountain so we could go skinny-dipping, and then sensuously lick each othe
T: IIHOD I'd roofie your friend Charity so we could have some alone time. Actually, on second thought, Id propose a 3-some with her. I've secretly liked her for quite some time.
M: IIHOD Woman I'd have you make me a sandwich. And IIHOD, I'd be honest about all the dresses that make your ass look big. The blue one makes it look like a moon.
T: IIHOD I'd assure you Ill always be there watching over you from Heaven, especially if you ever got with another guy.
M: IIHOD I'd drink Dos Equis to make my last day more interesting.
T: IIHOD I'd get a Thai massage with a happy ending.
M: IIHOD I'd sure as hell drink more than three beers at pub night.
T: IIHOD I'd form a band of all members with sexually transmitted diseases and call it the band-AIDS.
M: IIHOD girl I'd ditch you to hang out with my friends.

Cut Music

T and M bante

Transition M: I needed a break. Break it down

T plays rap beat on Guita

M: Chillin with my boys and sippin on some brews. One of ems named Steve and he hates the Jews

Cut Music

T: That's fucked up, more bante

Transition M: you try!

T resumes rap beat on Guita

T: Lookin for some food so we go for a walk. Run into a girl at the candy shop. She's lookin real fine
M: Man that ass is SICK!!
T: I tell her hey baby why dont you suck my

Cut Music

M: (pause) Mint. Flavored. Candy.

Rap beat resumes. M dances seductively, begins to cough and wheeze, showing imminent death.

T: Dude are you alright?
M: I'm dying of a botched vasectomy! So no. Let's just finish this.
M: (speaking) But seriously, baby, jokes aside, as I face my imminent death due to my head being chopped off, I want to tell you just how much you mean to me. (singing) IIHOD, we'd dance to our favorite song.
T: IIHOD, I'd fall asleep in your arms. And probably not wake up.
M: And if I had one daaaaay-ay-ay
M and T: I'd try to stick it your butt