Russell 10/18/2010,11/09/2010, 11/17/2010
Hey Dad! Let’s face it, your
marriage is what it is... boring,
inconvenient and a complete waste
DAD looks over at MOM with disgust and agrees.
Your thirteen year old daughter
still hasn’t named her infant
DAUGHTER holding infant twins.
What are you looking at, I fed you
DAUGHTER dumps “Cheesy Puffs” onto high chair.
And your son owns the first season
of Glee on DVD...
SON dramatically turns and sings.
“Just a small town girl, livin’ in
a lonely world, she took the
midnight train goin’ anywhere!”
DAD in his chair
Is this how you wanted your life to
No... no I didn’t.
(softly) I don't think so...
Welcome to “Family Vacation
Vacation’s” Where you take a
vacation from your family while on
vacation! Here’s how it works. Step
One: You pack up the family and
head on down the highway. Step Two:
You stop at a designated “Rest
Stop”. Step Three: We adduct your
entire family as you’re whisked off
to a fantasy Caribbean vacation!
Soooo, as you bask in the tropical
sun, your family is “entertained”
by a cast of our fully trained
“hostage-neers” of your choosing!
Like! The Fargo!
I got’s me a wood-chipper.
Over zealous religious fanatics!
RELIGIOUS FANATIC holding a glass of Kool-Aid.
Our Heavily father will not except
you with your genitalia... This
really needs more sugar.
And new this year! The Silence of
BUFFALO BILL stands in a dark basement, nude with his penis
tucked between his legs.
It rubs the lotion on its skin, or
else it gets the hose again!
A blind folded MOTHER enters frame screaming.
And lets not forget this oldie but
A group of Al-Qaeda members all wave enthusiastically to the
You will spend seven days in an
island paradise, relaxing on the
SLIDE: MAN relaxing on beach.
TREVER DEAN (CONT’D)
As your family wonders where they
Family sitting in unknown whereabouts.
Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?
You’ll enjoy our World Class 24
Hour All-U-Can-Eat seafood buffet.
SLIDE: Mega Seafood buffet.
As your family will be given
“something” to eat!
Family member eating something weird.
What is this, what is it!?
She takes a bite.
Did I tell you it’s all the free
ice cold beer you can drink in your
very own souvenir take home mug!
TREVER holds up souvenir mug.
And don’t forget the Hostage-etts!
Your very own island companions,
take’em to a luau, frolic on the
beach and take to the air an see
the island from above in one of our
Eco-Star helicopter tours. Our
helicopters are equipped with “Hot
tubs”! Each Hostage-etts are chosen
for their beauty, willingness to
please, low self-esteem and daddy
SLIDE: Slutty Women
And before you head out each
evening you will check in with the
old family and hear the kidnappers
DAD picks up phone and dials numbers.
Where you’ll get to say great lines
like! 1. Touch one hair on their
heads and I will hunt you down! 2.
You don’t know who you’re messing
with! 3. The United States Doesn't
Negotiate With Terrorists. 4. Why
are you doing this! 5.
NO, NO, NO, Noooooooooooo! 6. I’ll
pay a million dollars to anyone who
can bring in these kidnappers! And
many, many more! When your week
comes to an end guess who saves the
day. YOU DO DAD!
DAD opens a door nonchalantly and casually fires off two
rounds as all six kidnapers drop. DAD unties his family
members as they rejoice.
Oh thank god you’re here... why do
you smell like coco-butter?
No time, let’s get moving. I don’t
want to hit traffic!
Nice job hero! So what are you
waiting for dad! You can show your
own appreciation with a “Hostage
We have your family, no one will
get hurt as long as you... have the
time of your life! Hostage
TREVER DEAN (CONT’D