Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Bruce Willis

(show music plays)
Zach Galifianakis: Bruce, you can't smoke in here.
Zach Galifianakis: You can't smoke in here.
Give me this.
Zach Galifianakis: You can't smoke.
Zach Galifianakis: Thank you.
Zach Galifianakis: Hello. Welcome to another
edition of Between Two Ferns.
Zach Galifianakis: My name is Zach Galifianakis,
Zach Galifianakis: and my guest today is Bruce
Willis, movie star and harmonicist.
Zach Galifianakis: What was that? A wasp?
Zach Galifianakis: Are there wasps in here?
Sorry.
Zach Galifianakis: So, how many children do you have?
- Bruce: Three.
- Zach: Three.
Zach Galifianakis: Which is your favorite? Ashton?
Zach Galifianakis: Do you get his tweets?
Zach Galifianakis: Like, do you call him and go,
Zach Galifianakis: "Hey, I got your tweets!
Pretty good tweeting today."
Zach Galifianakis: When you were making The Whole
Ten Yards, were you ever worried
Zach Galifianakis: that it would be too good?
Zach Galifianakis: I'll just keep moving.
Zach Galifianakis: Did you know that some actors
turn down roles?
Zach Galifianakis: Any plans to reboot the Grumpy Old Men
Franchise?
Zach Galifianakis: Bruce, I'm going to need you to
loosen up a little bit.
Zach Galifianakis: This is hard for me. I'm
intimidated and you don't
Zach Galifianakis: seem to be answering the questions.
Bruce Willis: Have we started? We're not doing
any of it now, right?
Zach Galifianakis: No, no, no. We've been doing it
for about four minutes.
(inaudible)
Zach Galifianakis: What you talking about, Willis?
Zach Galifianakis: You ever heard that before?
Bruce Willis: No. It's a little easy, I gotta tell ya.
Zach Galifianakis: Look who's talking.
Zach Galifianakis: Oh yeah.
Zach Galifianakis: Product placement.
Under the armpits?
Zach Galifianakis: Sorry.
Zach Galifianakis: Let's talk about, where do
you keep your Oscar, your Oscar trophy?
Zach Galifianakis: I mean, your Blockbuster
Entertainment Award.
Zach Galifianakis: Where do you keep that?
Bruce Willis: It's a great award. I look at it
every day and it reminds me of
Bruce Willis: what used to be. How much fun it used to be?
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah, those were the good old
days. Like, the late...
Bruce Willis: The Eighties. Eighties man, you could get away with anything.
Zach Galifianakis: Yeah.
Bruce Willis: Women were much cleaner. Much cleaner then.
Bruce Willis: Patent leather shoes and women's toenails, clicking on the
Bruce Willis: pavement, as you go by Anthropology, and you're going to
Bruce Willis: buy some candles, and just all of a sudden you're going, I can't get
Bruce Willis: the candles today Brendanna.
Zach Galifianakis: Bruce, what's wrong? I mean--
Bruce Willis: You'll see. It's all parties.
Getting blown up and down
Bruce Willis: Hollywood Boulevard, my friend,
and then the phone stops ringing, okay.
Bruce Willis: You're going to get to that
fucking point and you're going to go
Bruce Willis: now I get it. Now, I understand.
Then, you're sitting in a room
Bruce Willis: and it's just you and
all your cousins.
(crackling noise is heard)
Zach Galifianakis: What? Is that a wasp?
Bruce Willis: Don't move.
Zach Galifianakis: Where are you going?
Is that a wasp? Is that a wasp?
Zach Galifianakis: Ashton should tweet this.
(show music plays)