Starring: Zach Galifianakis and Steve Carell Directed by: BJ Porter Produced by: Scott Aukerman & BJ Porter Edited by: Mordecai Druitt Director of Photography: Brian Murray B-camera: Nick Moo Special Thanks: Christin Trogan, Mike Farah, and Matt LaBov
Zach Galifianakis – Hello. Welcome to, uh, another edition of, uh,
“Between Two Ferns”. I’m your host Zach Galifianakis, and I’m very
pleased to have one of my favorite actors, Steve Carell.
Steve Carell – Yeah, it’s a pleasure to meet you. You know, I hear the
camera adds ten pounds. Looks like you’ve eaten five cameras. Here we
go. Here we go.
Zach Galifianakis – Uh, I really love “The Office” and I think that you did such a great –
Steve Carell – And you love Ricky Gervais. I see where you’re going.
Zach Galifianakis – Uh.
Steve Carell - I’ve watched your show. I know what you do. ‘Oh, I got
you confused. I got you confused with the good one.’ Right? ‘Oh no, I
didn’t mean your “Office”, I meant the good one.’ And, scene.
Zach Galifianakis – All right, listen, Steve, I’m not here to—I’m not going to do the insults like I usually do—
Steve Carell – Oh, okay.
Zach Galifianakis – Like, I’m not going to say your character on
“Despicable Me”, I hear that they were going to base the nose of the
character on your nose and decided to go for something less cartoonish.
Steve Carell – Okay.
Zach Galifianakis – I’m not going to say that. Let’s just do a straight interview.
Steve Carell – A straight interview. Okay. Yeah, I’m down with that. That sounds great.
Zach Galifianakis – What is the thing that you’re most proud of in your career?
Steve Carell – Oh, “Evan Almighty”, of course.
Zach Galifianakis – That’s a good movie.
Steve Carell - That’s one I’m most proud of.
Zach Galifianakis - That’s a good movie.
Steve Carell – Fuck you, fatty!
Zach Galifianakis – Steve! I’ve not—
Steve Carell – Just lead me right in to that, and smack me across the face.
Zach Galifianakis – It’s a great movie!
Steve Carell – Okay.
Zach Galifianakis – Regardless of all that, like it lost a lot of money
and all that stuff. No one saw it and the budget was way over, and no
one was interested in seeing it. It’s a great movie.
Steve Carell – I actually brought a few things I’d like to say to you.
“G-Force”? More like, “G—he’s fat!” The only French word you know is
Zach Galifianakis – That’s not true. I know the word, uh, croissant.
Steve Carell – I heard your last name used to be even longer, but you
ate all the other letters of the alphabet. Zach, you look like a
homeless guy who’s been to a soup kitchen that specializes in ice cream
Steve Carell – What are you doing?
Zach Galifianakis – Uh, I don’t know if we should air this one.
Steve Carell – I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Zach Galifianakis – I mean, I do struggle with—with the weight thing.
Steve Carell – Okay, I’m—
Zach Galifianakis – It’s tough in Hollywood! They either want you to
stay overweight or they want you to lose a bunch of weight.
Steve Carell – You’re right! You’re right!
Zach Galifianakis – I’m in kind of in a little bit of a career where I
had to choose to stay in my weight and it might be unhealthy.
Steve Carell – Okay, well.
Zach Galifianakis – I’m just like…I don’t know man, you just seem so
lucky. You—no one ever makes fun of the great Steve Carell. Everybody
just loves you, and—
Steve Carell – That’s not true.
Zach Galifianakis – Well, it is true.
Steve Carell – Well, you--There’s lots of things to make fun of.
Zach Galifianakis – Like what?
Steve Carell – Um, I’m Italian. Can you make fun of that?
Zach Galifianakis – Is Carell not your last name?
Steve Carell – Not originally.
Zach Galifianakis – What is it? Pinocchio?
Steve Carell – Okay. Okay.
Zach Galifianakis – Like when you go to the beach and someone yells,
“Shark! Shark!” and then they just realize that it’s Steve Carell doing
the back stroke?
Steve Carell – When you go to the beach and you swim out past the buoys do people think that there’s an island there?
Zach Galifianakis – I’m not that fat, man!
Steve Carell – You are pretty fat.
Zach Galifianakis – No, I’m not that fat!
Steve Carell – You’re pretty fat.
Zach Galifianakis – If you were to do my like my percentage of body fat
versus your percentage of how much your nose weighs, I guarantee that
your nose, per capita, weighs more than what I would.
Steve Carell – All right. Fuck you, fatso
Zach Galifianakis – Point is, is that I’m not that fat. Okay?