...ever wonder what really goes on in animal testing labs? Find out in this clip... more »

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April 02, 2010


"I found a condom on my floor this morning... down near the bottom it says, 'this product not tested on animals...' I think that's f***ed up. For two reasons, first off, I'm an animal for Christ's sake! (cover your ears... this dude's like 16, he shouldn't be hearing this is an adult conversation... 'cause I'm all mature and ****)..." Secondly, think about the lucky son-of-a-bitch chimpanzee who gets to test these things all day... talking to the other lab monkeys, 'hey Jim, how was your day?' 'ah, they put some make-up on me... I got a rash... how you doin'?' 'I'm a prophylactic durability tester! I screw the day away!' ... that's gotta be a fun job. Where can I apply for a job like, 'uh, I'm here for the condom testing position... heard you had some space available...' I like using the lambskin condoms, 'cause I like having sex with women, but once in a while I like a little lamb in between!"