KFC Loves Gays with John Goodman

Actor

John Goodman

Writer/Director

NickCorirossi

Actor

Mike Rose

Cinematographer

Brian Lane

Editor

Andy Maxwell

Executive Producer

Funny Or Die

Producer

Ally Hord

Actor

Tony Rodriguez

Actor

TONYCAVALERO

Production Designer

Martin C Vallejo

Sound

BoTown Sound

Art Director

Candy Lopez

Makeup

Chris Mills

Additional Credits [+]

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WEBVTT 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:06.000 [Music Playing] 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:23.000 <v John Goodman> Why, hello there. It's me, the Colonel. It don't take a bony-fide Einstein genius to know that I'm an oldly-fashioned sort. But, when it comes to the subjamacation of marriage rights, well, I reckon I'm a bit more progressive than my pals down at Chick-Fil-A. 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:31.000 <v John Goodman> Yep! Let it be known that Colonel Sanders loves the gays. Hell, I might even be gay! 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:33.000 <v Tony Rodriguez> Hey, Colonel, dinner's almost ready. 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:37.000 <v John Goodman> Be right there, Omarion! See? 00:00:41.000 --> 00:01:10.000 <v John Goodman> Ay! I was just tapping a toe to my favorite Bette Midler album. Thighs and Whispers. Hah. I know what you're thinking as you lie there snuggling up with your bear. You're thinking "How do I know you're not just a gibbering this jab to win more of my gay business?" Well, you don't! But, what you should know is that I love all gay people. Always. And, we're open on Sundays. 00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:43.000 <v John Goodman> That's right! The only church the Colonel attends on Sunday is the church of chicken. Not to be confused with Church's Chicken who I hear, unlike myself, hate gays! We all know that when it comes to the chicken of America, I prefer the white meat to the dark. But, never in my one hundred and forty years on this earth have I ever harmed a gay. Hell, I prefer to see the world the way my hormone-bloated, antibiotically-injected chickens do. Without gender. Or beaks. Or a butt hole. 00:01:45.000 --> 00:02:03.000 <v John Goodman> Once again we're even issuing a table dance mandate at participating locations. Only the pocket squares of a gentleman can be used as a banana hammock. Yea! [Laughs]. Hell, I don't actually give a s**t. Gay or not, you're all just a bunch of big old money mouths. Walking around talking and eating. 00:02:03.000 --> 00:02:04.000 [Microphone Feedback] 00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:13.000 <v John Goodman> But, if you have to pick one chicken chain, why not pick us? I know their service is better, but, we got those bowls. 00:02:13.000 --> 00:02:21.000 <v John Goodman> [Singing] If you want the gayest chicken, you ha-ave to vi-i-sit me! 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:25.000 <v John Goodman> [Laughing]