Mr. Celebrity with Elizabeth Banks

Actor

Elizabeth Banks

Actor

Brett Gelman

Director

Danny Jelinek

Writer

Comedy Deathray

Editor

Dustin Bowser

Executive Producer

Funny Or Die

Producer

BJPorter

Producer

Christin Trogan

Additional Credits >

Old embed code (only works with browsers that support Adobe Flash)

The video opens with theme music and Brett Gelman slides into view.

Brett Gelman: Why did the celebrity cross the road? To meet me.

To either side of Brett Gelman, several smaller Brett Gelman's appear jumping up in slow motion. The words Mr. Celebrity appear. The shot cuts to a still image of Mariah Carey kissing Nick Cannon on one side with Brett Gelman in the background. He “looks” at the still image and whistles.

Brett Gelman: Hubba hubba.

The shot cuts to Brett Gelman with his arm around a still image of Jennifer Aniston. He takes of picture of him and “Jennifer Aniston” together. The shot then cuts to Brett Gelman adjusting his tie.

Brett Gelman: I don't get no respect. Just kidding.

The shot cuts to Brett Gelman using a still image of Tom Hanks as a surfboard.

Brett Gelman: Whoa! Hanks 10.

The shot then cuts to Brett Gelman doing a little dance and laughing. The shot cuts to Brett Gelman pushing apart shrubbery and growling. It then cuts to him eating a still image of Jennifer Aniston's head. The shot then cuts to him “pooping” out a still image. The shot cuts to Brett Gelman hovering behind the the words Mr. Celebrity. The shot cuts to Elizabeth Banks sitting in a theater, drinking soda. The shot cuts to the theater screen, which has the following trivia question.

In Avatar the Na'vi race were what color?
A. Light Blue
B. Blue
C. Indigo
D. Black

The shot cuts back to Elizabeth Banks. Brett Gelman, carrying armloads of popcorn and snacks, sits down a few seats away from her. He proceeds to unceremoniously drop the snacks in a loud and obnoxious way.
Brett Gelman (looking at the screen): Boo. Boo!
The shot cuts back to another trivia question:

Why was the 2009 film The Blindside so terrible?
A. Bad Script
B. Corny Story
C. Shitty Acting
C. None of the above, it's a great movie.

The shot cuts back to Brett Gelman and Elizabeth Banks.

Brett Gelman: Boo!

Elizabeth Banks: Okay. You need to keep it down.

Brett Gelman: Oh, I'm sorry. I did see you there. Want to know why I was booing. It's because apparently the makers of this movie forgot to take a visit to the Elizabeth Banks bank and take out a withdrawal of ten million talent dollars of Elizabeth Banks. You know when I was outside and I found out you weren't in this movie I didn't know whether to buy my ticket or set the theater on fire. Want to know a secret. I still haven't decided.

Elizabeth Banks: Okay, well, it's always nice to meet a fan.

Brett Gelman: Well then your life must always be nice because everyone's a fan of you. Unless, of course, they live on the planet Mongoloid.

Elizabeth Banks: Okay, dude, that's really offensive.

Brett Gelman: It is really offensive. The fact that a planet would have a whole population of people who aren't fans of you. And, on top of that, they're retarded and that's disgusting.

Elizabeth Banks: Okay, you just need to back off. Okay?

Brett Gelman: I can't because, before my eyes gazed on their ultimate role model, I sure was a 40 year old virgin of amazing acting. So Miri, what do you say you and I make a porno and by that I mean, you make a movie and I'll watch it. You slithered your way into my heart faster than Seabiscuit and now I'm yours. Not maybe, definitely.

Elizabeth Banks: That was really weird.

Brett Gelman: What?

Elizabeth Banks: How you just strung together the title to my movies to give me some convoluted compliment.

Brett Gelman: My words may be convoluted, but it doesn't take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out how great you are.
Elizabeth Banks: You think I was in Sherlock Holmes?
Brett Gelman: Weren't you?

Elizabeth Banks: I think you're thinking of Rachel McAdams.

Brett Gelman: Oh yeah. Rachel McAdams. She's the best.

Elizabeth Banks: Okay. You don't think it's a little weird that in this giant empty theater you decided to come sit exactly one seat away from me?

Brett Gelman: That's a good point.

Brett Gelman gets up and moves to the seat next to Elizabeth Banks.

Elizabeth Banks: No. That's not what I meant.
Brett Gelman: Did you mean, kiss me?

Elizabeth Banks: No! Seriously dude, I'm going to just move.

Brett Gelman: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I've decided. I'll move.

Elizabeth Banks: Great. Thank you.

Brett Gelman: And I've also just decided that I will set this theater ablaze.

Brett Gelman stands up with a burning stick in his hand.

Brett Gelman: Good day to you, my second favorite actress.

Elizabeth Banks: What? You...

Brett Gelman walks away and the shot cuts into slow motion as fire erupts in the row ahead of Elizabeth Banks. Elizabeth Banks begins to scream in slow motion. The shot cuts to Brett Gelman sauntering away and then cuts to the theater screen. Brett Gelman is on the theater screen.

Brett Gelman (on theater screen): You're going to die. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

The shot cuts to Brett Gelman outside the exit, placing a chair beneath the door handle. The shot cuts back inside the theater to the Brett Gelman on the screen.

Brett Gelman (on theater screen): Die. Die. Die.

The shot cuts to Elizabeth Banks with fists raised in the air. The shot cuts to a picture of Rachell McAdams. The text beneath the picture reads:

Rachel McAdams
1978-2010

The video ends.