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Published December 18, 2013 16k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

HI, I'M HOMO-SENSUAL BRYAN SAFI.

AND I'M FEMIN NASTY ERIN GIBSON

AND THIS IS,

THROWING SHADE.

WHERE WE TAKE A WEEKLY LOOK OF ALL THE ISSUES
THAT'S IMPORTANT TO LADIES,

AND GAYS

AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

[music plays]

- WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS SUMMER TIME AGAIN.
- IT CLEARLY IS.

- WELL DONE.
- IT'S LIKE 75 DEGREES OUTSIDE.

TELL ME ABOUT IT. I'M SWEATING RIGHT THROUGH MY CARDIGAN,

RIGHT THROUGH MY--

I HAVE AN UNDERSHIRT, A TANK TOP, A SWEATER, MY BUTTON DOWN,
AND THEN A JACKET.

YEAH, WELL YOU NEVER KNOW IF SOMEONE'S GOING TO STAB YOU.

- I'M FEELING THE GUILTIEST THAT I EVER FELT IN MY LIFE.
- YOU FORGOT YOUR GRANDMA'S BIRTHDAY.

I FORGOT MY GRANDMOTHER'S BIRTHDAY, AND IT IS LIKE--

THE MOST SINKING FEELING...
I NOW, UNDERSTAND THE PEOPLE ON THE TITANIC FINALLY.

LIKE I KNOW WHAT THEY WENT THROUGH.

- BUT IMAGINE--
- SO HOW OLD'S YOUR GRANDMA?

92.

- AND IMAGINE LOOKING INTO A 92 YEAR OLD WOMAN'S FACE , AND SAYING
- I CAN'T

- YEAH, IT'S AWFUL.
- IT'S FRIGHTING.

YEAH

DOES SHE HAVE GLASSY WET EYES?

NO, SHE, I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, BECAUSE SHE'S MEDITERRANEAN,
SO SHE'S GOT GORGEOUS OLIVE SKIN.

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S 70.

- SHE DOES?
- YEAH

SHE RIDE BICYCLES STILL?
SHE ONE OF THOSE GRANDMAS?

- NO.
- OH.

WHAT DID YOU DO THIS WEEKEND?

I SAW SAVING MR. BANKS.

OH YOU DID?

- YEAH.
- ABOUT THAT BITCH?

WASN'T SHE A BITCH?

CAN I JUST CLEAR UP SOME STUFF ABOUT WALT DISNEY?

OH, I MEANT EMMA THOMSON.

- OH, OKAY.
- SHE'S ABOUT THE BIGGEST BITCH, OF ALL.

- OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE BIG BITCH WALT DISNEY.
- SHE'S LIKE NOTORIOUS YOU KNOW PARIS HILTON?

YEAH.

- BUT HOW WAS THE MOVIE WALT DISNEY?
- WELL THE MOVIE IS FANTASTIC.

I DIDN'T THINK I GAVE 2 SHITS ABOUT IT, AND GUESS WHAT?
I CAME OUT GIVING SHITS ABOUT IT.

IF YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES, OR ANY KIND
OF BAGGAGE ABOUT YOUR DAD,

OR IF ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY EVER BEEN AN ALCOHOLIC, PLEASE GO WATCH IT.

- OH, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT MOVIE.
- YOU SHOULD RELIVE ALL OF THAT.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- YEAH

WALT DISNEY HAS DADDY ISSUES.

EMMA THOMPSON, PLAYING P.L. TRAVERS,

SHE'S GOT DADDY ISSUES.

WELL ANYONE THAT TREATS A MOUSE LIKE A PERSON
HAS ISSUES, AND YOU KNOW HE DID THAT.

- YEAH, IT WAS HIS FAMILY.
- WASN'T HE LIKE CANDICE BERGENS' DAD?

- I DON'T REMEMBER HIS FIRST NAME, BUT HE INVENTED--
- TOM BERGENS?

- THE CHARLIE MCCARTHY DOLL, WHICH WAS LIKE A HOWDY DOODY KIND OF DOLL.
- YEAH

CANDICE BERGENS HAD A DINNER, CHARLIE MCCARTHY SAT WITH THEM AT DINNER, AND WAS
TREATED LIKE A PERSON.

- WELL I USED TO--
- HOW DOES...I MEAN THAT FUCKS YOU UP.

MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER USED TO SIT AT A CHAIR, ABSOLUTELY, AND EAT
DINNER AT THE DINNER TABLE.

- REALLY?
- I'M NOT JOKING.

HE LOVED TO SIT IN CHAIRS, AND I WOULD PUT HIS DOG FOOD BOWL ON THE TABLE, AND HE WOULD EAT DINNER WITH US.

- HE'S DEAD NOW THANKS FOR ASKING.
- OH I DIDN'T ASK. I'M IN ABSOLUTE SHOCK BY THAT WHOLE SCENARIO.

- CAN I TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE THOUGH, BECAUSE AFTERWARDS MY BOYFRIEND WAS LIKE
- WE GET IT.

YEAH, HE WAS, HEY, JUST TO REMINDER, I'M HERE.

- SO YOU'RE NOT LONELY ANYMORE.
- RIGHT

JUST REMINDING ME CONSTANTLY.

NO HE WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW WALT DISNEY WAS A NAZI SYMPATHIZER.

- IS THAT TRUE? OR IS THAT LIKE AN URBAN LEGEND?
- IT'S NOT,

- IT'S AN URBAN LEGEND,
- YEAH

AND IT'S KIND OF SAD THAT ALL OF THESE CARTOONS, FAMILY GUY,
AND ALL OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE MADE ALL THESE JOKES ABOUT IT.

- HE DID APPARENTLY OUT PEOPLE DURING THE MCCARTHY ERA TRIAL.
- OH HE DID? WELL, FUCK HIM.

SO FUCK HIM, BUT SAYING SOMEONE IS ANTI COMMUNIST, AND SAYING SOMEONE IS A NAZI SYMPATHIZER

- A) HE PROBABLY DID GET PEOPLE FIRED, AND RUINED CAREERS.
- RUINED CAREERS.

- HE DIDN'T...ENDORSE THE KILLING OF JEWS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- THE KILLING OF JEWS...RIGHT.

- LETS QUALIFY WHAT KIND OF KILLER AND MONSTER HE WAS.
- SURE.

EXACTLY. HE WAS NOT 4 LOKO, HE WAS A RED BULL SUGAR FLAKE.

EXACTLY. BY THE WAY, YOU GOTTA WATCH IT, BECAUSE EMMA THOMPSON
IS JUST A COMPLETE BITCH THE WHOLE TIME.

- OH I ACTUALLY REALLY WANT TO SEE IT
- JUST A BRITISH BITCH.

SHE'S SHARP TONGUED.

- SHE'S QUICK WITTED
- YEAH.

- SHE'S DAMAGED.
- YEAH.

- SHE'S DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT.
- THAT'S A GOOD MOVIE TO SEE...LIKE MY PARENTS--

SHE'S GOT PERFECT POSTURE EVEN SITTING ON A CAROUSEL, SHE ON A CAROUSEL,
AND SHE'S GOT PEFECT POSTURE.

- DO YOU KNOW THE REAL STORY ABOUT THIS WOMAN BY THE WAY?
- P.L. TRAVERS?

- WHO?
- YES.

ABOUT THE ADOPTION THING?

- OH SHE ADOPTED HER--
- SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO ADDOPT A SET OF TWINS,

- YES.
- AND AT THE LAST MINUTE, SHE DECIDED TO TAKE ONE OF THEM.

- BECAUSE SOME FUCKING GYPSY, UH, FORTUNE TELLER TOLD HER.
- WAS IT MRS. CLEO?

YES, MRS. CLEO TOLD HER, "DON'T YOU TAKE THAT OTHER TWIN."

[laughs]

SHE WAS ALSO LIKE, CONFUSED SEXUALLY.
APPARENTLY SHE WAS ALSO LESBIAN SOME OF THE TIME.

- YEAH.
- SHE WAS LIKE--

WELL I MEAN THE STORY ABOUT THE

- "WHAT WOMAN ISN'T? BECAUSE OUR SEXUALITY IS VERY FLUID."
- FLUID.

- YEAH, VERY SORT OF--
- I LIKE MEN WHO HAVE LIKE,

- IT'S A WALL. YOU EITHER ARE ON ONE SIDE OR THE OTHER.
- YEAH

I THINK BEING GAY AND BEING STRAIGHT FOR MEN, IS LIKE, EITHER
YOU'RE WEST BERLIN OR EAST BERLIN.

- BY THE WAY--
- OH, BEYONCE?

- I MEAN--
- WE HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED ABOUT IT.

- THAT WAS CRAZY.
- EVERYBODY WENT OUT, AND DID THEIR BUSINESS ON THURSDAY NIGHT.

BEYONCE RELEASED AN ALBUM, AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE, THERE WERE LIKE KOOL AID MAN, AND WENT THROUGH THE DOOR

YES.

JUST OUTLINES OF PEOPLE HOW THEY HAD RUN THROUGH THE DOOR TO GET HOME AND DOWNLOAD BEYONCE.

- YEAH.
- CUZ IT'S HARD TO DO ON AN IPHONE.

IT IS. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
DID YOU DOWNLOAD IT?

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

IS IT GOOD?

I HAVEN'T EVEN GOT, LIKE...I'M BUSY.

I NEED TO HAVE ROOM IN MY SCHEDULE TO HAVE A SURPRISE LIKE THIS.
YOU NO WHAT I MEAN?

- YEAH
- I LISTENED TO 3 SONGS.

I LIKE XO. THAT I THINK THAT'S GOING TO BE HER DANCE HIT.

- THE ONE WITH DRAKE--
- DANCE HIT?

- DANCE HIT?
- LOVE IT.

YEAH.

WELL, I WANT TO DOWNLOAD IT, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE VIDEOS.
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN EVEN PLAY THEM.

YOU JUST BUY THEM, AND YOU PUSH PLAY.

YEAH, BUT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IN ITUNES, ITUNES PLAYS VIDEOS.

- I KNOW, BUT THEN I HAVE TO DO ALL OF THAT.
- HOW DO YOU PLAY THEM? IN YOUR CAR?

I DON'T KNOW, IT JUST SEEMS CONFUSING.
CAN I JUST PLAY THE SONG?

OR DO I HAVE TO WATCH THE VIDEO WITH THE SONG?

CAN I DO IPHONE?

I THINK YOU CAN JUST PLAY IT AS A VIDEO IN YOUR IPHONE, AND IT GOES THROUGH--

NO, BUT WHAT IF I JUST WANT TO HEAR THE SONG, CAN I JUST DO MY IPHONE?

YES! JUST PLUG IT IN, AND PUSH PLAY, AND DON'T WATCH THE VIDEO.

- OH, BUT YOU HAVE TO?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO,

- BECAUSE IT'S BATTERY POWER.
- YES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK HER.

I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO RELEASE AN ALBUM, MAKE IT USER FRIENDLY.

I PREDICT THIS IS GOING TO BE A HUGE DISASTER--

IT'S ALREADY A SUCCESS.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT HAVING...YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOING TO FOX NEWS, AND I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT WHEN WE ARE DONE HERE.

[music plays]

BRYAN, VERY EXCITING NEWS. TIME ANNOUNCED THEIR PERSON OF THE YEAR.

- OH, YOU WEREN'T
- RIGHT?

- YOU WEREN'T IN CONSIDERATION.
- WHAT?

YEAH.

WELL I DON'T GET TIME MAGAZINE, NOR DO I READ IT, BUT I JUST ASSUME.

I REMEMBER LAST YEAR I RAN INTO SOMEONE THAT WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE THE MAN."

- AND I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD, THAT MUST MEAN THAT I'M TIME MAGAZINE'S MAN OF THE YEAR.
- OH YEAH.

OH THATS FUN. SOMEONE SAID YOU'RE THE MAN, JUST WALKED BY YOU, SOME STRANGER?

SEAN CONNERY.

- OH. YOU'RE THE MAN NOW DOG.
- YEAH

- THAT'S THE FULL THING HE SAID.
- YEAH.

WELL THEY ANNOUNCED THERE TIME PERSON OF THE YEAR, WHICH IS POPE FRANCIS.

WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS A MAN.

- YES.
- EVEN THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE A GIRLS NAME.

AND EVEN THOUGH HE WEARS FROCKS.

SO THERE WERE 3 WOMAN IN CONSIDERATION FOR TIME'S PERSON OF THE YEAR.

- OH. THEY TELL YOU WHO LIKE DIDN'T GET IT?
- YES.

- MILEY CYRUS, WAS ONE OF THEM.
- SHUT UP.

NOT JOKING.

SECRETARY OF HUMAN HEALTH SERVICES, KATHLEEN SEBELIUS.

- OH BORING.
- THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SAY HER NAME. SEBELIUS?

- I DON'T KNOW.
- SEBELIUS.

- WHO CARES.

- SEBELIUS.
- I WOULD HAVE NEVER VOTED FOR HER.

I WOULD'VE CAMPAIGNED AGAINST HER, IF KNEW THAT SHE WAS UP FOR IT.

AND THEN GAY RIGHTS ACTIVIST EDITH WINDSOR.

- SURE
- YOU KNOW HER?

I KNOW HER WELL.

WELL AS A WOMAN, I'M JUST GRATEFUL THAT SOMEONE'S ON THE LIST,

BECAUSE THE CHANCES OF BEING ON THE COVER FOR A WOMEN ARE VERY, VERY, LOW.

WASN'T CYBILL SHEPHERD ON THE COVER LAST YEAR?

UH, YEAH. YOUR--

A) IN THE RIGHT DECADE,
B) IN THE RIGHT GENRE,

C) YOU GET EVERYTHING

SO TIME STARTED THIS CONTEST THAT NO ONE KNOWS THEY'RE COMPETING IN, RIGHT,

- IT'S LIKE A SECRET, BEHIND THE DOORS THING.
- RIGHT, ILLUMINATI'S--

- SKULLS, ALL OF IT
- ILLUMINATI'S RIGHT. THIS IS ALL SKULL AND CROSSBONES.

STARTED IN 1927, IT WAS CALLED TIME'S MAN OF THE YEAR.

UM, WHICH WAS OF COURSE EXCEPTED, BECAUSE WOMAN HADN'T BEEN
INVENTED YET.

- RIGHT

- REMEMBER BEFORE THE 20S WHEN IT WAS JUST MEN?
- YEAH

SO TIME'S MAN OF THE YEAR WENT ON NAMING MEN UNTIL 1936,

WHEN THEY CHANGE THE TITLE FOR ONE YEAR, TO WOMAN OF THE YEAR,

- AND GAVE IT TO WALLIS SIMPSON.
- OH, I WANTED TO GUESS.

I WOULD'VE GUESSED WRONG.

YEAH, I'LL LET YOU GUESS SOME OTHER ONES, CUZ THERE'S ONLY BEEN A COUPLE.

- ALRIGHT.
- WALLIS--

- HILLARY SWANK
- I WISH IT WAS HILLARY SWANK IN THE 30S.

- SHE DOES HAVE A 30S LOOK.
- I VOTE FOR HER EVERY YEAR. YEAH.

WALLIS SIMPSON WHO WAS THE WOMAN WHO GOT KING EDWARD THE 8TH TO RENOUNCE HIS--

- ABSOLUTELY
- HE SAID, I'M GIVING UP THE THRONE--

- HE ADVOCATED FOR WALLIS, WHO WAS LIKE AN AMERICAN DIVORCEE WHO PEOPLE HATED.

- SHE WAS THE PARIS HILTON OF THE 30S.
- SHE WAS.

WHAT ELSE WAS FUCKED UP, IS THIS WAS IN 1936 WALLIS SIMPSON WAS VOTED WOMAN OF THE YEAR,

IT WAS THE SAME YEAR THAT HITLER LET ONE WOMAN ATHLETE, WHO ALSO HAD A JEWISH FATHER,

HELENE MAYER, PARTICIPATE IN THE OLYMPIC GAMES.

SO THIS WOMAN WHO IS LIKE, BREAKING ALL OF THESE CRAZY RULES, AND ALLOWED TO BE IN THE OLYMPICS,

SAME YEAR, THEY'RE LIKE, "LETS GIVE IT TO THE RICH LADY."

- TO WALLIS SIMPSON.
- YEAH

1952 QUEEN ELIZABETH THE 2ND WAS NAMED WOMAN OF THE YEAR.

SO SHE WAS THE 2ND PERSON ON THE COVER.

- OH, YEAH, SURE.
- YEAH

IN 1986, CORAZON AQUINO, WHO WAS ELECTED THE PRESIDENT OF THE PHILIPPINES,

SHE WAS WOMAN OF THE YEAR.

SO THEN WOMAN WERE COLLECTIVELY, NAMED MAN OF THE YEAR.

WHEN AMERICAN WOMAN WERE NAMED IN 1975,

SO DURING THE WHOLE FEMINIST MOVEMENT, THEY WERE LIKE, OH LETS CALL WOMAN,

- ALL OF THE WOMAN, MAN OF THE YEAR.
- MAN OF THE YEAR, IS ALL WOMAN OF THE YEAR.

ONE MAN EQUALS EVERY WOMAN.

BY THE WAY, THEY DIDN'T CHANGE IT TO PERSON OF THE YEAR UNTIL LIKE THE 90S.

THE 90S WAS REALLY THE BEST DECADE.

NOTHING BAD HAPPENED, REALLY.

GULF WAR.

YEAH, BUT THAT WAS LIKE A MONTH.

I THINK THE 90S WERE PROBABLY A BETTER DECADE FOR WOMAN THAN NOW.

CUZ YOU KNOW, WE HAD EVERYTHING, WE HAD, WOMAN BEING LIKE BLASÉ ABOUT THINGS FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.

YEAH.

- AND ALL THE LINK LATER MOVIES.
- CRUSHED VELVET.

YEAH. MAROON LIPSTICK.

REALLY ONLY 2 WOMAN, 3 WOMAN,

- HAVE BEEN SOLO COVERS ON TIME MAGAZINE'S PERSON OF THE YEAR.
- HAVE BEEN SOLO COVERED.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ELIZABETH THE 1ST?

NOT. SHE WASN'T ON IT.

WAS THERE EVEN PAPER AROUND WHEN SHE WAS AROUND?

WHEN DID SHE DIE?

BARELY. SHE DID, WELL SHAKESPEARE.

SHAKESPEARE. NO.

- THERE MIGHT BE HIEROGLYPHICS IN SOME CAVE IN ENGLAND OR SOMETHING, - WITH HER, LIKE TIME MAGAZINE.
- RIGHT. OH YEAH.

ROCK MAGAZINE.

YEAH.

OKAY, SO SINCE I'VE BEEN BORN THERE HAVE BEEN 29 MEN SINGULARLY NAMED PERSON OF THE YEAR,

BUT THERE'S ONLY BEEN 3 WOMAN IN THE WHOLE HISTORY OF TIME MAGAZINE.

- CRAZY.
- ISN'T THAT NUTS?

SO IF YOU ARE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, AND YOU SEE TIME MAGAZINE, AND IT'S ALWAYS A MAN ON THE COVER,

THAT KIND OF REINFORCES THAT WOMAN AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT.

WHICH I KNOW YOU DON'T THINK THAT WE ARE.

NO, NO, NO--YOU'RE IMPORTANT FOR DAYTIME TELEVISION.

- I KNOW -- I'M SAYING, I DON'T CARE, BUT ALSO LIKE, IT'S A WEIRD THING TO CARE, --
- BUT THAT'S CRAZY.

- ALSO DON'T CARE BECAUSE MAGAZINES ARE GOING TO BE DEAD SOON.
- YEAH.

THEY'RE DYING. IT'S A DEATH RATTLE.

YEAH.

DON'T GET ATTACHED TO ANYTHING...RATHER IT'S PAPER THAT YOU CAN HOLD IN YOUR HAND.

CUZ IT'S ALL ABOUT TO GO THE WAY OF THE DODO BIRD.

[music plays]

WELL ERIN, IT'S SHIT AROUND THE WORLD.

THE WORLD'S FULL OF SHIT.

WELL I KNEW THAT.

- YEAH--
- THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO WEAR RAIN BOOTS EVERYDAY.

EXACTLY.

IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE DISGUSTING PLACE TO BE.

- THIS AWFUL WORLD WE LIVE IN.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS.

YOU TOO.

- WHAT'S GOING...BRYAN, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?
- YEAH.

OKAY, LET'S START IN AUSTRALIA.

- GAY MARRIAGE WAS LEGAL THERE FOR ABOUT A MINUTE,
- YEAH.

AND THEN THEY DECIDED TO GO BACK TO MAKING IT ILLEGAL,

SO THERE'S TWENTY...IN LIKE AN INSTANT, THERE'S 27 GAY MARRIED COUPLES RIGHT NOW WHO ARE NO LONGER, I GUESS MARRIED.

- THAT'S HEART BREAKING.
- WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.

WHO DID IT? THAT ASSHOLE WHO RUNS AUSTRALIA?

THE TOP COURT OF AUSTRALIA. THEY STRUCK IT DOWN, CUZ I THINK IT CAME--

WHENEVER I THINK OF AUSTRALIA'S GOVERNMENT RIGHT NOW, I JUST THINK OF CROCODILE DUNDEE, BUT A RACIST.

YES.

YOU KNOW LIKE, NO SLEEVES, ALLIGATOR TEETH NECKLACE.

YEAH.

DRINKING BEER. THROWING KNIVES AT PEOPLE GOING, "WE DON'T WANT THESE FAGGOTS TO HAVE RIGHTS!"

THAT IS BASICALLY IT, AND THE COURT RULED, THAT THE PARLIAMENT CAN DECIDE THAT THING,

BUT IN MY OPINION THEY SHOULD JUST PUT IT TO A REFERENDUM BECAUSE MOST OF AUSTRALIA SUPPORTS, GAY MARRIAGE AT THE --

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT--
- MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T PUT UP A REFERENDUM...I DON'T KNOW--

THESE GOVERNMENTS, LIKE OUR OWN, THAT HAVE REPRESENTATIVES THAT ARE--

- ABSOLUTELY OUT OF TOUCH WITH WHAT THE PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT.
- TOTALLY OUT OF TOUCH.

BUT, REALLY THE SADDEST THING TO HAPPEN THIS WEEK IS THAT IN INDIA,

- OH I KNOW ABOUT THIS--
- AWFUL.

THE COUNTRY'S SUPREME COURT OVERTURNED A LOWER COURT RULING THAT LEGALIZED GAY SEX.

- SO BASICALLY GAY SEX IS NOW ILLEGAL.
- IS ILLEGAL.

- IN INDIA.
- SO THERE ARE SODAMI LAWS, BASICALLY?

YES. PUNISHABLE BY UP TO 10 YEARS IN PRISON.

YEAH.

SO THAT SODAMI LAW HAS BEEN IN EXISTENCE IN INDIA SINCE BASICALLY THE VICTORIAN ERA, WHEN--

- SO DID IT COME FROM THE BRITISH?
- IT CAME STRAIGHT FROM THE BRITS.

- WHO HAVE SINCED, OBVIOUSLY,--
- GOT THE FUCK OUT.

GHANDI WAS LIKE--

- THERE'S THIS--
- GET YOUR SHIT, PACK YOUR BAGS, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, BEFORE I GET GHANDI ON YOUR ASS.

RIGHT.

BRITAIN'S SODAMI LAWS HAVE BEEN OUT OF PLACE SINCE THE 60S,

BUT YEAH, TOTAL, TOTAL, SURPRISED, THE TOP COURT OVER TURNED A LOWER COURT'S DECISION THERE.

IT'S CALLED THE DELI HIGH COURT THERE.

SO THE PRESIDENT OF THE WELFARE PARTY OF INDIA, SPOKE OUT. HE'S ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT SPOKE OUT,

AND HE SAID, "HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT NATURAL. IT DISTURBS THE CONTINUITY OF LIFE, AND LEAVES THE FUTURE UNCERTAIN.

WELL TALK TO A DOLPHIN MOTHER FUCKER.

- THIS IS THE--

[laughs]
- DOLPHINS ARE GAY LEFT AND RIGHT.

THERE'S NO FUCKING...DOLPHINS DON'T HAVE COURT SYSTEMS, RULES OR LAWS, OR MONEY.

- CAN YOU IMAGINE?
- KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THE SLOGAN REALLY SHOULD BE TALK TO A DOLPHIN MOTHER FUCKER.

BUT FOR PROTEST, DO I HAVE TO STOP DOING YOGA?

I THINK YOU DO.

- I THINK, WHATEVER EXCUSE, YOU NEED--
- OH, I'LL DO PILATES, YEAH.

OKAY.

WHERE DO PILATES COME FROM?

- SUZANNE SUMMERS?
- PILATES?

- I THINK BALET.
- YOU JUST CAN ONLY DO THE THIGH MASTER.

WHICH IS RUSSIAN?
[gasps]

- YOU HAVE TO DO--
- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET LONG AND LEAN MUSCLES?

THAT'S REALLY THE ULTIMATE PROBLEM HERE.

- JUST DO THE THIGH MASTER. WE KNOW THAT'S AMERICAN MADE.
- BUT SUZANNE SUMMERS IS ABSOLUTELY A CONSERVATIVE WACKO.

- NO, SHE'S NOT.
- YES, SHE IS.

REMEMBER SHE WROTE THAT THING ABOUT OBAMACARE?

- SUZANNE SUMMERS?
- YES.

SHE WROTE SOME THING FOR THE WASHINGTON POST THAT'S ANTI-OBAMACARE.

AND IT MADE NO SENSE.

[laughs]
SUZANNE SUMMERS?

- CRISSY SNOW.
- YES. I'M VERY SURE OF IT.

YOU CAN'T TRUST HER.

YOU CAN'T TRUST VICTORIA JACKSON.

YOU CAN'T TRUST...ANYBODY THAT WAS BLONDE IN THE 80S, YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM.

KAMAL FAROUQUE WHO IS A MEMBER OF THE ALL INDIAN MUSLIM PERSONAL LAW BOARD.

- I HOPE HE ALSO--
- HE NEEDS TO GET A NEW NAME.

- HE'S GOT TO BE IN A DRUM CIRCLE.
- YEAH.

ALSO, THAT'S A DRUM CIRCLE NAME IF I'VE EVER HEARD ONE.

HE SAID, "IF HOMOSEXUALITY IS TO BE MADE LEGAL, THEN LET EVERYONE BE A HOMOSEXUAL.

HOMOSEXUALITY IS AGAINST NATURE'S LAW OF REPRODUCTION. THE WORLD WILL END IN 100 YEARS WITHOUT REPRODUCTION.

- OKAY.
- GUYS.

- A) GREAT
- THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND T-MOMS.

- B) NO, IT WON'T.
- BECAUSE T-MOMS ARE MAKING SURE THIS WORLD KEEPS GOING.

IT'S TRUE.

- THERE'S NO--
- THEY GET PREGNANT. THEY GIVE THEIR BABIES UP.

THEY DO TV SHOWS, AND THEN LESBIAN COUPLES HAVE A BABY FINALLY.

- EXACTLY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THERE'S 0.0 WAY THAT THERE WILL BE NO POPULATION LEFT--

THEY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE FOOD SHORTAGES NOW, BECAUSE WE ARE OVERPOPULATED.

- DID THEY GET THAT?
- EXACTLY.

THAT WE LITERALLY HAVE TO MANUFACTURE OUR FOOD IN FACTORIES, BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.

IT'S SUCH A CRAZY ARGUMENT.

THAT IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT...AND I RUN INTO THIS PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE AND--

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS GUY NEEDS TO QUIT HIS FUCKING JOB, BECAUSE HE'S WASTING HIS TIME BECAUSE,

HE NEEDS TO BE STICKING HIS DICK INTO AS MANY LADIES AS POSSIBLE, BECAUSE IF IT'S HIS JOB--

IF THE FEAR'S REAL.

IF IT'S HIS JOB, ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO HAVE BABIES, THEN HE CAN'T BE A FUCKING LAWYER,

- BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO BE MAKING BABIES ALL THE TIME.
- YEAH

PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.

AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THEY ONLY PEOLE THAT ARE PRO-GAY IN THIS WORLD ARE THE DUGGARS.

- THEY ARE THE ONES THAT KEEP CREATING, AND CREATING, AND CREATING.
- THEY CAN PRACTICE--

CAN WE KIDNAP THOSE KIDS?

- YES. YES.
- JUST TAKE THEM AWAY FROM THAT FAMILY?

- ALSO, BY THE WAY--
- CUZ THOSE GIRLS ARE JUST INDENTURED SERVANTS.

SO INDIA IS OBVIOUSLY A VERY SOCIALLY CONSERVATIVE COUNTRY. WE KNOW THIS?

OBVIOUSLY.

WHAT ABOUT THE KARMA SUTRA?

[music plays]

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