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It was Erin's birthday, and Bryan remembered it! But Erin's birthday is not about... more »
Published March 25, 2014 39k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

(ERIN): THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER): THROWING SHADE.

3

(BRYAN): WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

(ERIN): AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

(BRYAN): TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES
AND POLITICS,

6

(ERIN): AND POP CULTURE,

7

(BRYAN) AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH
LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

8

(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

9

HEY.

10

HEY, WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE?

11

NOTHING, JUST A
LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

12

FOR WHAT?

13

YOUR BIRTHDAY!

14

-IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY.

15

IT WAS, AND I KNEW THAT I COULDN'T
FORGET IT LIKE I DID

16

LAST YEAR, BECAUSE YOU KEEP TELLING
PEOPLE THAT STORY SO

17

I THOUGHT I SHOULD GET YOU SOMETHING
THIS YEAR.

18

-OH THAT'S A GOOD REASON TO DO IT
-YEAH.

19

CAN I HAVE IT?

20

YEAH, BUT THERE'S
A SONG THAT GOES WITH IT?
WHY IS IT RED?

21

OH, I THINK I WAS SWEATING.

22

THERE'S WET-- WATER
DRIPPING OFF OF IT.

23

THERE'S A SONG THAT
GOES WITH THE GIFT.

24

-DO YOUR SONG.
-OKAY.

25

(SINGING) ERIN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

26

I HATE THIS.

27

(STILL SINGING) HOW EXCITED
ARE YOU?

28

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR

29

CHECK THE CALENDAR, IT'S TRUE.

30

LAST YEAR, MY RENT
WENT UP, BY $45 DOLLARS

31

AND I GOT A NEW SOFA. DO YOU
REMEMBER THAT?

32

I COULDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN GREY OR
BLUE, BUT NOW WE'RE HERE ERIN.

33

AND I'M DATING SOMEONE NEW.

34

SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN, BECAUSE
THIS YEAR, IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.

35

GOOD JOB.

36

LOT OF STUFF ABOUT YOUR LIFE
IN THERE.

37

-WAS THERE?
-YEAH.

38

I WAS JUST TRYING TO THINK OF LIKE
REALLY INTERESTING THINGS

39

TO SAY.

40

OH, COOL. SO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR COUCH?

41

-YEAH.
-THANKS.

42

DO THE CARD FIRST.

43

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
READ THE NAME ON IT?

44

-ERAND. E-R-A-N-D.
-SO FUNNY.

45

SO FUNNY, THAT TOOK ME SEVEN YEARS.

46

-UH-HUH.
-I KNOW.

47

-TEDDY BEAR.
-I LOVE IT.

48

TEDDY BEAR... IT WAS $2.25.

49

YEAH.

50

NO CARDS COST THAT ANYMORE.

51

(CHUCKLES) NO.

52

THIS IS FROM THE 80S.

53

BELIEVE ME IT WAS VERY
DIFFICULT TO FIND.

54

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO THE
BEST MOM IN THE WORLD.

55

OH, NO. YEAH.

56

LOVE B-NESS. IS THAT YOUR NEW NAME?

57

B-NESS IS GOING TO BE MY NEW
NICKNAME.

58

UM, OKAY GREAT--

59

WELL I DIDN'T COME HERE TO TALK ABOUT
A CARD ALL DAY.

60

SO IF YOU WANT TO OPEN YOUR
PRESENT.

61

MY FAVORITE MINTS.

62

YEAH, I GOT YOU
YOUR FAVORITE MINT.

63

-THESE ARE MY FAVORITE MINTS.

64

-I KNOW THEY ARE.

65

I LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE SOFT
ON THE OUTSIDE, AND THEY

66

ROLL AROUND YOUR TONGUE LIKE
YOU'RE EATING A PEBBLE.

67

OOH, WHAT DOES THAT REMIND YOU OF?

68

PEBBLES. OH, CUM?

69

(LAUGHS) UH-HUH.

70

THEN WE HAVE--

71

WELL I WASN'T SURE IF IT WAS
ANOTHER YEAR, THAT WAS A PARTY

72

FOR ONE. SO I JUST GOT YOU THAT
MINI--

73

A TINY (TOGETHER) CHAMPAGNE.

74

I WASN'T SURE HOW YOU WERE
GOING TO PARTY ON YOUR ACTUAL

75

BIRTHDAY.

76

YEAH.

77

I FIGURED IF IT'S THE SAME
AS EVERY YEAR, THEN IT WOULD BE THAT.

78

I'LL GET A 3 YEAR OLD TO OPEN
THIS FOR ME. BECAUSE THEY

79

ARE THE ONLY ONES WITH
HANDS SMALL ENOUGH TO POP THESE CORKS.

80

THAT'S NOT TRUE. I KNOW A MAN
6 FEET TALL WHO HAS HANDS THE SIZE

81

OF LITTLE...

82

DIAMONDS?

83

LIKE LITTLE GIRLS DAISY'S.

84

-OH, GERBER DAISIES. YEAH.
-YEAH.

85

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THIS?

86

LADY GAGA TWININGS TEA?

87

LADY GREY.

88

OH, LADY GREY. I THOUGHT
IT SAID LADY GAGA TEA.

89

HONEY I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
SHE WAS AROUND.

90

OH, IT'S A GREY TEA FOR WOMAN--

91

FOR WOMAN.

92

IN CASE WE CAN'T HANDLE
REGULAR EARLY GREY.

93

AND IT'S ACTUALLY A LITTLE BIT
LIGHTER IN STRENGTH THAN EARL GREY.

94

OK--

95

SO YOU KNOW HOW LIKE WHEN WOMAN
DRINK EARLY GREY, THEY'RE LIKE,

96

"OOH. OOH. OOH."

97

AND THEY HAVE TO BE
WHEEL CHAIRED OUT?

98

(LAUGHS)

99

YEAH.

100

ALL OF THEIR LIMBS GO STIFF, AND
THEY'RE TAKEN OUT LIKE THIS IN A CHAIR.

101

-IT GIVES HEART ATTACKS.
-I NEVER HEARD OF LADY GREY TEA.

102

ME NEITHER, BUT I'M SO GLAD
YOU FOUND IT.

103

I KNOW YOU LIKE TEA,
AND I KNOW THAT YOU'RE--

104

DID YOU FIND THIS
AT THE LADY'S STORE?

105

I DID. I WENT STRAIGHT IN, AND
I SAID, "PANTIES, PANTALOONS,

106

-TEAS..." AND THERE IT WAS.
-YEAH

107

DID YOU FIND ANY NICKERS, AND
SOME ESPADRILLES?

108

THAT'S SO OFFENSIVE.

109

THAT'S IT.

110

-THAT'S ALL.
-WE DID IT.

111

THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU'RE SO WELCOME.

112

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

113

-OH THANK YOU.
-YEAH.

114

WELL HOW WAS YOUR DANCE PARTY?
I WENT.

115

-YOU WERE THERE.
-YEAH.

116

WHEN I WAS THERE THE LUMINEERS
"HEY HO" WAS PLAYING SO WELL DONE.

117

I RAN ACROSS THE ROOM, AND
I TURNED IT OFF.

118

WHAT A DANCE HIT.

119

I IMMEDIATELY PUT ON MY KANYE
WEST "ALL THE LIGHTS".

120

AND THEN THE NEXT THING THAT HAPPENED
THE NEXT TIME

121

I SAW YOU, AND YOU RAN UP AND YOU GO
"BRYAN, YOU KNOW THAT MURDER?

122

THAT GUY KNOWS HIM." SO SOMEONE
I KNEW WHO KILLED SOMEONE

123

WHO IS NOW IN JAIL, ERIN THOUGHT
THAT SOMEONE AT THE PARTY

124

KNEW THAT PERSON, BUT IT TURNS
OUT IT WAS JUST SOME ONE

125

ELSE THEY KNEW WHO WAS A KILLER.

126

IT WAS ANOTHER MURDERER. WE
ALL TALK ABOUT WHO KNOWS WHO. WHO

127

MURDERED WHO.

128

-WELL HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

129

YOU'VE GROWN UP ALOT. YEAH.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH.

130

131

BRYAN, THE SUPREMES BROKE UP.

132

I KNOW.

133

BUT THE SUPREME COURT IS STILL
GOING STRONG.

134

I LOVE IT.

135

UM, THEY'RE ABOUT TO TAKE UP
A BIG ISSUE REGARDING THE

136

AFFORDABLE CARE ACT, FORCING
COMPANIES TO COVER CERTAIN KIND

137

OF BIRTH CONTROL.

138

YEAH.

139

YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS BROU-VAGINA
HAHA.

140

YEAH, WELL THAT'S THE NAME OF MY
NEW BEER.

141

BROU-VAGINA HAHA?

142

YEAH, IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE YOU'RE
LIKE, "MM, THIS IS DELICIOUS.

143

DOES IT TASTE LIKE A VAGINA? HAHA
THAT'S ABSURD."

144

-ISN'T IT SHAPED LIKE A VAGINA TOO?
-YEAH.

145

YEAH. SO, TWO COMPANIES ARE IN
THIS CASE THAT'S GOING TO THE SUPREME COURT.

146

THE FIRST ONE IS--

147

LIZ CLAIBORNE? ANN TAYLOR?

148

I WISH IT WAS ANY OF THOSE.

149

CHICOS?

150

-NO, IT'S GOING TO BE WORSE THAN THAT.
-OH.

151

-CONESTOGA WOOD SPECIALTIES.
-OH.

152

(ERIN): WHICH IS A CUSTOM MANUFACTURE
OF KITCHEN CABINETS.

153

AND THE 2ND ONE IS HOBBY LOBBY.

154

-OH, YEAH.
-YEAH.

155

DID YOU GROW UP
WITH A HOBBY LOBBY?

156

IT'S THE ONLY PLACE I GET
DECORATIVE LIQUOR.

157

-ABSOLUTELY.
-YEAH.

158

THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

159

SO, BOTH OF THESE COMPANIES
HAVE HELD UP THE BIBLE

160

AND POINTED TO IT AS A REASON THAT
THEY DON'T WANT TO

161

COVER BIRTH CONTROL
FOR THEIR EMPLOYEES.

162

SO HOBBY LOBBY'S LAWSUIT, WRITTEN
ON A COPY OF A PARTY CAKES.

163

YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

164

AND LIKE PUFF PAINT--

165

WRITTEN ON A PATTERN, FOR LIKE
A MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME, HOW TO MAKE,

166

WHICH LOOKS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
LIKE MICKY MOUSE.

167

AND SEALED WITH LIKE A HEART
HOLE PUNCH.

168

MM-HMM.

169

YEAH, EXACTLY. OKAY, SO THAT LAWSUIT
THAT WE BOTH CLEARLY

170

KNOW ABOUT STATES THAT THE
COMPANY DOESN'T WANT TO FOLLOW

171

THE WHOLE PART OF OBAMA CARE
THAT FORCES THEM TO PROVIDE

172

HEALTH INSURANCE COVERAGE FOR
ABORTION INDUCING DRUGS AND DEVICES

173

AS WELL AS RELATED EDUCATION
AND COUNSELING.

174

MY FIRST REACTION IS HOBBY
LOBBY, YOU CAN TAKE A NEON

175

GREEN PIPE CLEANER, AND YOU CAN
SHOVE IT RIGHT IN YOUR PEE HOLES.

176

ARE THEY THERE? OH.

177

SECONDLY, A LOT OF THESE COMPANIES
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND

178

BIRTH CONTROL, AND THEY DON'T
UNDERSTAND THAT A LOT OF THESE

179

THINGS THAT WOMAN WOULD HAVE
TO GO-- LIKE EMERGENCY
CONTRACEPTION,

180

THEY THINK IT'S AN ABORTION
INDUCING PILL, BUT IT'S NOT.

181

IT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SCIENCE.

182

RIGHT.

183

A) STAY OUT OF MY BEDROOM.

184

-YEAH.
-RIGHT?

185

AND B), IF YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE
PULL THIS WHOLE BIBLE

186

STUFF ABOUT, WE DON'T WANT TO
CONTROL THE WAY THAT WOMAN'S

187

NATURAL BODY'S ARE WHEN IT
COMES TO MAKING CHILDREN, IT'S LIKE

188

BUT, YOUR COVERING BONER PILLS.

189

MM-HMM.

190

THE REASON THIS CASE IS BAD
IF THE SUPREME COURT RULES IN THEIR

191

FAVOR IS NOT JUST THE IDEA
THAT A COMPANY CAN OVER REACH INTO

192

YOUR PERSONAL LIFE, AND TELL YOU
WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO COVER

193

AND NOT GOING TO COVER, IT'S THAT
THEY'RE GOING TO THEN REGULATE

194

WHAT YOUR DOCTOR CAN TALK
TO YOU ABOUT.

195

BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST THE
ACTUAL PILLS, IT'S THE

196

CONVERSATION ABOUT THIS STUFF.

197

YIKES.

198

HOBBY LOBBY, AND WOOD CABINETS--

199

YEAH.

200

THEY PUT THEIR FEMALE EMPLOYEES
IN A REALLY DIFFICULT POSITION.

201

IT'S EITHER GO IN THERE, AND YOU
HAVE A PROBLEM, AND YOU

202

CAN'T TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT
IT, BECAUSE YOUR INSURANCE WON'T

203

COVER IT, OR GO TALK TO IT, AND
YOU HAVE TO PAY OUT OF YOUR POCKET.

204

LETS SAY THAT YOU TALK TO YOUR
DOCTOR, AND NEITHER OF YOU KNOW

205

THAT THE COMPANY DOESN'T COVER
THIS CONVERSATION--

206

MM-HMM.

207

THEN YOU GET A BILL FOR $275 DOLLARS,
AND YOU GOT TO CALL

208

CLAIRE IN HR--

209

YEAH.

210

AND DEAL WITH HER? THIS IS ALSO,
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY TOO,

211

IF THE SUPREME COURT LETS COMPANIES
DICTATE THIS IT COULD

212

GO FURTHER THAN BIRTH CONTROL. LET'S
SAY YOU WORK FOR

213

KRISTIN CAVALLARI--

214

OH, SHE'S MY FAVORITE--

215

OPENS, LIKE A CURTAIN STORE.

216

YEAH.

217

OK, AND YOU GO IN, AND YOU ARE
LIKE I WANT TO WORK AT YOUR CURTAIN

218

STORE, AND SHE'S LIKE GREAT, HERE'S
THE DEAL--

219

DOES SHE CALL IT CAVACURTAINS?

220

CAVACURTAINS. YEAH. SO WHEN YOU
GO TO WORK FOR HER, AND SHE'S LIKE

221

I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOU ON THE
FLOOR AT KRISTIN'S CAVACURTAINS. PLEASE

222

UNDERSTAND THAT WE DO HAVE
FULL PACKAGE INSURANCE, BUT WE

223

WILL NOT VACCINATE YOUR CHILD.

224

RIGHT.

225

SO, I HOPE THAT HE DOSEN'T GET MEASLES.

226

AND HERE'S HOW I THINK THEY CAN
CONVINCE THE SUPREME COURT

227

TO NOT RULE IN FAVOR OF HOBBY LOBBY
AND WOOD CABINETS,

228

IS THAT WE GO IN THERE, YOU AND
ME TAG TEAM, WE ROLL IN A TV

229

WE POP IN THE VILLAGE.

230

THE MOVIE?

231

YES. AND WE GO, YA'LL WANT TO TAKE
SOCIETY BACKWARDS?

232

THIS IS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.

233

YEAH.

234

AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO FIND OUT,
WE'RE ALL IN A FUCKING

235

PARK AFTER ALL.

236

SO JUST GET WITH REALITY. GET
WITH THE TIMES, AND GET WITH SCIENCE,

237

AND YOU TELL SIGOURNEY WEAVER
SHE MADE A MISTAKE.

238

AND THEN I'M GOING TO SAY, BUT DO YOU
GUYS ALSO HAVE ANY OF THOSE

239

OVERSIZED GARBAGE BAGS THAT LOOK
LIKE PUMPKINS SO THAT I CAN

240

PUT MY LEAVES IN IT?

241

DO YOU SELL THEM OFF SEASON?

242

YOU'RE GOING TO ASK THE HOBBY
LOBBY PEOPLE THAT?

243

YEAH.

244

OR ARE YOU GOING TO ASK
THE SUPREME COURT?

245

WELL BOTH, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF
THE SUPREME COURT

246

GETS A BACK-END DEAL.

247

I HAD A FRIEND THAT HAD A BABY, AND
I WANTED TO MAKE A GRAPE

248

COSTUME FOR HER, AND SO I WANTED
TO GET THAT PATTERN.

249

THE BABY?

250

SHOULD I ASK THE SUPREME COURT?

251

ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN THE
GRAPE COSTUME?

252

I'M SORRY THE GRAPE IS FOR ME, BUT
I WANTED TO BE THE GRAPE ONE

253

WHEN I GO VISIT THE BABY.

254

IF YOU'RE EVER IN A HALLOWEEN BIND
BE SURE TO WEAR A GRAPE

255

COSTUME MADE OF BALLOONS. BECAUSE
THEN YOU CAN GO, AND YOU CAN

256

MAKE FRIENDS EASILY, AND IT'LL
BE SO EASY TO TALK TO PEOPLE.

257

AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SIT
DOWN, WHICH IS--

258

YOU KNOW, YOU WANT TO INTERACT
WITH THE PARTY.

259

260

HUH?

261

262

SHOULD I CALL YOU
TATUM OR MRS. O'NEAL?

263

MRS. O'NEAL? WHO AM I MARRIED
TOO? WAIT.

264

I'LL CALL YOU TATUM.

265

CALL ME TATUM, OR MS. O'NEAL.

266

MS. O'NEAL.

267

NO HONESTLY, THIS IS LIKE A
FULL CIRCLE MOMENT FOR ME BECAUSE

268

I WAS SUCH A GEEK-- I'VE ALWAYS
BEEN SUCH A GEEK FOR YOU.

269

I'M OBSESSED WITH YOU.

270

HAS ANYONE EVER SAID, "GEEK FOR YOU".
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A--

271

GEEK IS A COMPLIMENT. IT MEANS
THAT LIKE, I NERD OUT OVER TATUM.

272

YEAH, YOU DO NERD OUT.

273

OH THAT'S SO CUTE.

274

IS THIS THE FIRST GAY MAN
WHO NEVER SAID HE LOVED YOU?

275

(LAUGHS)

276

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

277

THIS IS A LITTLE BIT FOR ME
AND I KNOW THIS QUESTION COMES LATER,

278

A LITTLE BIT OF A GOLDIE LOCKS
AND THE THREE BEARS MOMENT.

279

-OH MY GOD.
-I'M OBSESSED WITH FAERIE TALE THEATRE, WHICH

280

YOU DID WITH SHELLY DUVALL FIRST OF
ALL AND CAROL KING PLAYED THE

281

MOMMA BEAR.

282

YES, AND--

283

IS CAROL KING AS BIG OF A BITCH
AS EVERYONE THINKS SHE IS?

284

SHE WAS NEVER LIKE A STRAIGHT UP
BITCH TO ME, BUT LIKE,

285

SHE WASN'T EXACTLY NICE TO ME.

286

WAIT, SO SHELLY DUVALL, WHAT WAS SHE LIKE?

287

-QUIRKY.
-YEAH.

288

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET,
LIKE SHE SEEMS--

289

QUIRKY, QUIRKY, QUIRKY, QUIRKY,...

290

SO TATUM, YOU ARE THE YOUNGEST
ACTRESS EVER RECEIVE AN OSCAR.

291

THIS STILL HOLDS TRUE TO THIS DAY. HOW OFTEN DO YOU CALL

292

JODIE FOSTER, AND MENTION THAT,
AND OR ANNA PAQUIN?

293

HAVE YOU RUBBED IT IN ANYONE'S FACE?

294

ANNA PAQUIN AND I KIND OF BUMPED
SHOULDERS AT A CERTAIN SALON,

295

AND I TRIED TO SMILE, AND SHE
ALWAYS KIND OF...

296

WHO'S THE BETTER KISSER, MICHAEL
JACKSON OR JOHN MCENROE?

297

-JOHN MCENROE.
-OKAY.

298

IF JOHN MCENROE WERE ALIVE TODAY
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HIM?

299

DEAR JOHN, I WISH I WOULD'VE BEEN
NICER WHEN YOUR CAREER WAS FAILING.

300

I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU... (INAUDIBLE)

301

YEAH.

302

OKAY. WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR OSCAR?

303

WAY, WAY AT THE TOP OF THE BOOK SHELF
SO THAT NO ONE CAN TOUCH

304

IT OR CLEAN IT, OR ANYTHING--

305

CAN YOUR CATS GET TO IT?

306

MY CAT DOES-- I HAVE A INSTAGRAM
WITH MY CAT NEXT TO IT.

307

HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN YOUR OSCAR
TO AN AUDITION?

308

FUCK NO.

309

OH, I WOULD TATUM, EVERY WHERE I GO
I WOULD BE LIKE, "SURE, I'LL

310

WAIT FOR IT..."

311

-SHELLY WINTERS DID THAT ONCE.
I HEARD THAT.

312

WHAT?

313

YEAH, SHE BROUGHT IT IN.

314

BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LIKE
READ FOR SOMETHING, AND THEY WERE

315

MAKING HER--

316

-SHE WAS INSULTED?
-YEAH.

317

SHE BROUGHT HER OSCAR IN, AND WAS
"I'M READY."

318

-(LAUGHS)
-(BRYAN): I LOVE THAT.

319

DAMN YOU NEED TO DO THAT.

320

FUCK THAT.

321

YEAH.

322

IT'S ALL ABOUT NOW MAN. IT'S NOT
ABOUT 73.

323

YOU'RE RIGHT. TATUM--

324

OUI.

325

HAVE YOU EVER MET THE QUEEN
OF ENGLAND?

326

YES.

327

I KNEW IT.

328

DID YOU MEET THE PRESIDENT?
JIMMY CARTER, OR FORD?

329

-I MET JIMMY CARTER.
-YEAH.

330

AND I MET FORD.

331

YEP. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS--

332

WHY ARE YOU SO SHOCKED?

333

I'M NOT, THAT'S-- I FEEL LIKE
EVERY POINT HAS BEEN PROVEN IN MY

334

HEAD THAT IT WAS LIKE TATUM O'NEAL
IN THE 70S, WENT TO THE

335

WHITE HOUSE, WENT TO BUCKINGHAM
PALACE, WENT TO--

336

IS THIS THE REACTION--

337

NO, NO, NO, I DIDN'T GO TO
BUCKINGHAM PALACE.

338

SHE CAME TO YOU.

339

(LAUGHS)

340

THAT SHE DID. SHE CAME TO THE
PREMIERE OF A MOVIE THAT I

341

WISH HAD DONE BETTER CALLED
"INTERNATIONAL VELVET"

342

WHAT DID SHE DO? DID SHE GEEK OUT?

343

I WAS WEARING CHLOE. I DON'T
KNOW. THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER.

344

THAT'S ALL YOU REMEMBER ABOUT
MEETING THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND?

345

NO, I HAD TO CURTSY, AND MY DAD
WAS THERE, AND WE CURTSIED.

346

AND SHE WAS INCREDIBLE, BUT I WAS
LIKE, KIND OF THOUGHT I

347

HAD A CRUSH ON ALBERT. WAS THAT
HIS NAME?

348

ALBERT NOBBS?

349

NO, NO, NO. WHAT'S THE--

350

OH, THE BROTHER? ANDREW.

351

ANDREW. YES.

352

AND HE WAS--

353

(INAUDIBLE)

354

-DICK PIERCING.
-YEAH.

355

YOU KNOW WHO STOLE MY
MILITARY LOOK THAT WAS (INAUDIBLE),

356

AND MICHAEL JACKSON.

357

I WENT TO A COMMODORES CONCERT, AND
HE WAS WEARING FULL BLACK FACE

358

AND A BEARD IN DISGUISE, AND THEN
I WAS WEARING LIKE A CAP,

359

AND I WAS WEARING LIKE UM, LIKE VERY
SHARP SHOULDERS YOU KNOW, AND--

360

YEAH, THAT MILIT-- YEAH, YEAH.

361

AND FROM THEN ON HE WAS LIKE,
THAT BITCH WAS LIKE ALL OVER

362

THE STAGE WITH A CAP, AND GLOVES,
AND THE JACKET.

363

AND THEN ALSO I TOOK HIM, BEFORE HE
DID NEVERLAND, I TOOK HIM

364

UP TO HALF (INAUDIBLE), BECAUSE
THAT'S JUST WHERE I USED TO GO

365

WHEN I WAS LITTLE...

366

I AM GOING TO FAINT.

367

HUE HEFNER'S HOUSE (LAUGHS)

368

WITH MICHAEL JACKSON?

369

WHAT DID HE DO? I FEEL LIKE HE
WOULD'VE FREAKED OUT.

370

NO, HE LOVED IT, AND THAT'S WHY
HE BUILT NEVERLAND. THAT'S

371

WHAT HE WANTED. HE WANTED THAT
AVARIAN, ALL THAT STUFF.

372

YOU WERE ON SEX IN THE CITY.

373

IN ONE OF MY FAVORITE EPISODES
WHERE YOU DON'T GIVE CARRIE BACK

374

HER SHOES.

375

RIGHT.

376

FIRST OF ALL, HAVE YOU EVER
HAD SEX IN THE CITY?

377

YEAH, I LIVED IN MANHATTAN... (INAUDIBLE)

378

AND 2ND OF ALL, DID YOU SEE SEX
IN THE CITY 2?

379

NO.

380

YEAH, OK. SMART GIRL.

381

HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE CHANNING
TATUM FOR HIS NAME?

382

(INAUDIBLE)

383

YOU DID?

384

(INAUDIBLE)

385

YEP.

386

TATUM, TATUM.

387

I GOT TO FEEL HIS MUSCLES, AND EVERYTHING,

388

I WAS LIKE, GOD, HE'S H-O-T.

389

A COUPLE OF CELEB QUESTIONS, ARE YOU
TEAM MIA OR TEAM WOODY?

390

-TEAM MIA...
-YES.

391

FUCK THAT. EMILY WAS LIKE, NOW ARONIN IS COMING
OUT AND SAYING LIKE--

392

COME ON. AND I LIKE HATE HIS MOVIES.
HATE THEM.

393

AND THEN I CAN DO A GOOD IMITATION
OF KATE BONJET DOING...(INAUDIBLE)

394

YEAH.

395

OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I HAVE TO TALK TO MY SON WHO

396

I HAVEN'T SEEN IN SO MANY DAYS.

397

I LOVE THAT MOVIE SO HARD, BUT I
THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON

398

IN THE WORLD WHO CAN TAKE ME TO THE
OTHER SIDE OF THAT EQUATION.

399

THANK YOU, AND YOU KNOW WHAT
SHE RUINED THE OSCAR.

400

TOTALLY. OK. WE'RE GOING TO PLAY
A QUICK GAME WHICH YOU CALL

401

SHADE OR NO SHADE.

402

MM-HMM.

403

WE'RE GOING TO SAY SOMETHING, AND
IF YOU LIKE IT, YOU SAY

404

NO SHADE, AND IF YOU
DON'T LIKE IT YOU SAY SHADE.

405

OK, SO FIRST UP,
THE SHOW THE BACHELOR.

406

SHADE.

407

MALE ART?

408

NO SHADE.

409

BELLS?

410

NO SHADE.

411

ANN TAYLOR?

412

NO SHADE.

413

ANN TAYLOR LOFT?

414

SHADE.

415

CHICOS?

416

SHADE.

417

ORVILLE REDENBACHER.

418

NO SHADE.

419

TOO MUCH SUNSHINE?

420

-SHADE.
-YEAH.

421

NOSE RING.

422

SHADE.

423

-YOU WON.
-YOU DID.

424

YOU WON.

425

GOOD ANSWERS.

426

TATUM ONEAL, IT'S SUCH A
PLEASURE.

427

-THANK YOU SO MUCH.
-THANK YOU SO MUCH.

428

THANK YOU GUYS.

429

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