On November 22nd, 2014, a live read for the 1985 masterpiece film 'Teen Wolf' was... more »
Published December 07, 2014 20k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Jensen Karp, Jordan Morris, Lil Dicky, Pat Healy, Pete Wentz, Jonah Ray, Kumail Nanjiani, Ally Hord, Owen Burke, Seth Morris, and Lauren Lapkus

(dramatic atmospheric music plays)

> PLAYING THE PART OF
BUTLER, A FAN, A FAN.
COULD'VE JUST BEEN FAN. CADET NUMBER
5, LEMONADE, LINEBACKER
AND LITTLE BOY JORDAN LAWRENCE.
I AM BUTLER, I DON'T THINK THAT'S
A BUTLER, I THINK THAT'S
THE TITLE OF A--
THAT'S A GUY'S NAME, BUTLER.
A FAN, CADET NUMBER 5--
FUN FACT, THERE'S NO CADETS 1
THROUGH 4.
LEMONADE WHO IS A TALL AFRICAN
AMERICAN GUY ON THE BASKETBALL TEAM,
UH, WHICH I THINK I'M GOING TO DO A
GREAT JOB WITH.

> PLAYING THE PART OF BRAD AND OLD
MAN, THIS GUY IS FUCKING HILARIOUS,
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LET ME FREE
VIDEO, GO HOME AND YOUTUBE
IT IMMEDIATELY,
GIVE IT UP FOR LIL DICKY.

> I DON'T THINK THAT I'VE EVEN SEEN
THE MOVIE. I LIKE VISUALLY
REMEMBER THE HAIRY--
LIKE I THINK I REMEMBER
WATCHING HIM PLAY BASKETBALL AND
GETTING ANGRY, BECAUSE HE WASN'T
LIKE--
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE CAN'T PLAY
BASKETBALL
ARE PLAYING BASKETBALL
IN MOVIES. I FEEL LIKE THEY COULD
TRAIN A LITTLE HARDER.

> PLAYING THE PART OF PRINCIPAL
THORN, WE SHOULD NOT BE MAKING THIS
GUY DO THIS, HE WAS IN A PAUL THOMAS
ANDERSON MOVIE, WE ARE MAKING
HIM FUCKING SLUM IT, PAT HEALY.

> THIS GUY I HAVE TO EXPLAIN SLIGHTLY,
UH THIS CHARACTER LEWIS
DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF ROLES, BUT
IN THE FILM, AND IN THE SCRIPT
HE'S MOSTLY JUST LOOKING SAD, AND
I FIGURED THERE'S ONLY A COUPLE
OF PEOPLE WHO COULD PLAY SAD, SO
WE HAVE FALL OUT BOY'S, PETE WENTZ.
I'M SURE I WAS CALLED, BECAUSE I
JUST HAVE THIS--
I KIND OF HAVE A THEATER BACKGROUND,
THEATER, YOU KNOW,
A VERY SERIOUS ACTOR...
EXPERIENCE SHIT,YOU KNOW,
AND THEY WERE
LIKE WE NEED YOU TO DO THESE TWO LINES. (laughs)

> AND PLAYING STYLES IS JONAH RAY.

> AND PLAYING SCOTT AND ALSO TEEN
WOLF, KUMAIL NANJIANI.

> (Narrator): LET'S CUT TO THE LOCKER
ROOM.

> HEY COME ON IT WASN'T SO BAD. FIRST
GAME OF THE SEASON, 11 MORE TO GO.
TAKE IT EASY, IT'S ONLY A GAME.

> (Narrator): SCOTT TAKES OFF HIS
UNIFORM SHIRT AND LOOKS AT
HIS BARE CHEST.
THERE'S A SINGLE LONG STRAND OF
CORSE HAIR. HE PULLS IT OUT.

> WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?

> (Narrator): STYLES SPOTS THE DRAGON'S
AND BLOCKS LEMONADE AS HE
TRIES TO PASS.

> HEY, LEMONADE MY MAN, LISTEN I'M
RAISING SOME CASH FOR OUR
SCHOOL'S AFRO-AMERICAN FESTIVALS...
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE...

> (Narrator): NICK AND LEMONADE THROW
STYLES INTO A SHOWER. STYLES
SKIDS ON THE FLOOR, SOAKED SKIPPING
AS HE TRIES TO GET UP.

> (Narrator): WE'RE NOW OUTSIDE
BEACONTOWN
HIGH SCHOOL IN THE STREETS.
BOOF CHATS WITH TWO FRIENDS, TINA AND
GINA WHO ARE HARD TO TELL APART.
SO WE GAVE IT TO ONE GIRL. AH, SCOTT
WALKS UP AND BOOF RAISES
A WARM SMILE.

> HEY GOING TO WORK?
I'LL WALK WITH YOU.

> I HAD ANOTHER WEIRD DREAM
LAST NIGHT.

> WAS I IN THIS ONE?

> YEAH, YOU, PAMELA AND A BUNCH
OF CHICKENS.

> CHICKENS?

> WE HAVE TO BE THE WORSE
BASKETBALL TEAM ON THE
FACE OF THIS EARTH.

> NO NEWS THERE.

> I'M SICK OF IT BOOF, I'M SICK
OF BEING SO AVERAGE.
IT'S NOT JUST BASKETBALL, IT'S
THIS SCHOOL, THIS TOWN.

> I LIKE BEACONTOWN.

> I JUST LIKE MY LIFE TO CHANGE.
(the audience laughs)
BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

> (Narrator): WE'RE INSIDE
HAROLD'S HARDWARE.
HAROLD HOWARD GLANCES UP
FROM A BOX OF NEW TOOLS.
MIDDLE AGED, FRIENDLY, PONCHY AND
SETTLED AND POLITE. SCOTT ENTERS.

> DON'T MAKE ME LOSE COUNT.

> WE'RE DOWN TO OUR LAST
WAFFLE IRON.

> THEY SENT ME THESE CHEAP
WRENCHES FROM TAIWAN.
HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO COMPETE
WITH THE BIG BOYS?

> I'M NOT SEARS AND ROEBUCK.

> (Narrator): THEY SHARE A LAUGH.

> OH THE COMRADERY.

> I LOVE YOU SON.

> UH, LISTEN DAD, HAS ANYTHING
HAPPENED TO YOU THAT'S JUST SO WEIRD?

> I THINK IT'S MAYBE TIME YOU AND
I HAD A LITTLE TALK.

> (Narrator): WITH THAT STYLES BURSTS
INTO THE KITCHEN WEARING
A T-SHIRT THAT READS OBNOXIOUS THE MOVIE.

> HEY, MR. HOWARD, HOW'S THE KING
OF NUTS AND BOLTS?

> (Narrator): HOWARD IS NOT
PLEASED TO SEE STYLES.

> HELLO STYLES.

> LISTEN, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT A RASH THAT'S GOING AROUND?

> WHY, YOU'RE LOOKING TO
CATCH SOMETHING?

> NO, SERIOUSLY.

> NO BUT I HEARD MR.
MURPHY, THE SHOP TEACHER,
GOT HIS DICK CAUGHT IN A VACUUM CLEANER.

> FORGET I ASKED.

> (Narrator): IT'S SCOTT'S TURN AT THE
COUNTER, HE'S THE LAST PERSON IN
THE STORE.

> HEY, I LIKE A KEG OF BEER.

> YOU DON'T SAY.

> UH-HUH, YEP. HOW MUCH IS IT?

> YOU GOT ANY I.D. SON?

> (Narrator): SCOTT HESITATES.

> UH, UH...

> YOU LITTLE RAT BASTARDS WON'T
GIVE UP. NO I.D., NO BEER, CAN
YOU GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL?

> (Narrator): SCOTT'S EYES BEGIN TO
GLOW FAINTLY, AND
THE VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT COMES
FROM THE BOWELS OF EARTH OR
LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON'S WEREWOLF
VOICE IN THRILLER...

> GIVE ME A KEG OF BEER!

> LOOKING FOR SOMEONE IN PARTICULAR?

> NOT YOU.

> OH FUCK.
(the audience laughs)

> (Narrator): SHE MOVES ON, AND
SUDDENLY BOOF IS RIGHT BESIDES SCOTT.

> THERE YOU GO, SHE SAID TWO
WORDS TO YOU.

> STYLES CARRIES IN THE KEG. AT THE
DOOR HE RUNS INTO A BIG YOUNG
MAN THAT LOOKS LIKE A LINEBACKER.

> I CAME THROUGH BIG FELLA. JUST
LIKE I SAID, NO DRY THROATS TONIGHT.
(the audience laughs)
DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE I WROTE THIS.

> GET YOUR THUG WAXED.

> (Narrator): NOW WE'RE INSIDE
OF THE HOWARD HOUSE LATER.
HAROLD HEAR'S SCOTT ENTER
AND RACE UP STAIRS.

> SON?

> (Narrator): SCOTT'S NOW IN THE
BATHROOM.
HE LOOKS AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR
AND NOTICES THAT HIS
TEETH ARE LONG AND POINTED. THEN
IT ALL HAPPENS AT ONCE.

> OH NO.

> (Narrator): HIS FACE GROWS HAIR, HIS
FOREHEAD EXTENDS,
HIS EARS GROW POINTED, HIS HANDS
GROW HAIRY, AND HIS NAILS GROW LONG.
IT'S THE AVERAGE AMERICAN KID
TURNING INTO TEEN WOLF.
NOT QUITE WEREWOLF, MORE LIKE...
(the audience laughs)
THIS IS SO DUMB, NOT QUITE
WEREWOLF, MORE LIKE A WOLF MAN.
HE STANDS UPRIGHT, AND
HE'S SORT OF CUT...
(the audience laughs)
BUT THIS WOLF WEARS A POLO SHIRT,
JEANS AND SNEAKERS.
THE TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE.

> THIS IS GROSS.

> SCOTT, CAN I COME IN?

> UH-UH, NO DAD, I'M DOING
SOMETHING IN HERE.

> THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG SON, I KNOW, PLEASE, LET ME HELP YOU DO
THAT THING.

> WHAT?
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN
DAD. I GOT THIS ONE.

> YOU'D BE SURPRISED. WHATEVER IT
IS, YOU CAN TELL ME. I'LL UNDERSTAND.

> NOT THIS TIME DAD, AND I WON'T
BLAME YOU ONE BIT.

> SCOTT HOWARD, I'M YOUR FATHER,
AND I ORDER YOU TO OPEN
THIS DOOR!

> OK, YOU ASKED FOR IT.

> (Narrator): HE UNLOCKS THE DOOR,
AND NOTHING COULD'VE
PREPARED HIM FOR WHAT HE SEES.
HAROLD HAS ALSO TRANSFORMED INTO
A PONCHY, SPECTACLED, PIPE SMOKING,
PLAID SHIRTED, WOLF DAD.

> NOW I KNOW THIS IS A DREAM.

> NO SON, IT'S NOT A DREAM.
AN EXPLANATION IS PROBABLY OVERDUE.

> AN EXPLANATION? WE'RE MONSTERS.

> SCOTT, IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS.

> BUT WHY?
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS
WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?

> I DON'T KNOW.
(the audience laughs)

> (Narrator): SCOTT RUNS TO ANOTHER
EMPTY BATHROOM. THE
CHANGE IS COMING. MR. THORN SEE'S
HIM AS THE DOOR CLOSES.

> DON'T CHANGE, DON'T CHANGE,
CONCENTRATE, THAT'S IT, TAKE A
DEEP BREATH,
CONCENTRATE, YOU'LL BE FINE. JUST
CALM DOWN.

> (Narrator): IN THE MIRROR HE SEE'S
THE REFLECTION OF MR. THORN.
HE JUMPS.

> WHOA...

> A BIT FAR AWAY FROM YOUR SIDE
OF THE BUILDING
AREN'T YOU HOWARD?

> (Narrator): SCOTT HIDES HIS
HANDS BEHIND HIM.

> NO, I MEAN YES.

> HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS.

> SIR?

> HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS NOW.

> (Narrator): SCOTT CLOSES HIS EYES,
AND PUTS THEM OUT.
HIS HANDS ARE FINE.

> THERE WOULDN'T BE A MARKING
PEN ON YOU ANYWHERE?

> (Narrator): SCOTT SHAKES
HIS HEAD, NO.

> WHO CALLS IT A MARKING PEN?

> I DON'T KNOW.

> BOOF CAME OVER FOR A VISIT.
ISN'T THAT NICE?

> WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

> WE WERE JUST CHATTING. YOU MIND?

> WHY SHOULD I?

> I GOT TO GET GOING.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO WALK ME HOME?

> I JUST GOT HERE.
(the audience laughs)

> SCOTT?

> >: (Narrator): SCOTT PUTS ON JACKET.

> THANKS HAROLD FOR THE
COCOA AND EVERYTHING.

> THANK YOU.

> (Narrator): BOOF HEADS FOR THE DOOR.

> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT SCOTT.

> (Narrator): BOOF GOES TO THE DOOR.
WE FAST FORWARD TO LATER
IN THE GAME. THE SCOREBOARD READS
BEACONTOWN ZERO, VISITORS 32.
IT'S A JUMP BALL, AND SCOTT IS
AGAINST CADET NUMBER 5.
CADET NUMBER 5 SNEERS AT SCOTT.

> BEAVERS? YOU OUGHT TO CHANGE
YOUR NAME TO PUSSIES.

> (Narrator): LEWIS AND TINA JOIN
THE CROWD.

> DO YOU STEAL BABIES IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT AND KILL CHICKENS?

> (Narrator): EVERYONE--
THIS IS THE BIG PART,
EVERYONE LAUGHS BUT LEWIS.

> (Narrator): WE'RE NOW IN STYLES
CAR TRAVELING.
TEEN WOLF IS DRIVING VERY FAST.
HE ENJOYS THE SPEED.

> TAKE IT EASY, THIS BABY'S
ON HER LAST LEGS.

> I ENJOY THE SPEED.

> (Narrator): TEEN WOLF HAS ONE ARM
AROUND PAMELA. HE'S HELPING HER BOWL.
HE HITS A STRIKE BUT MICK'S
HAD ENOUGH.

> HEY THAT'S MY GIRL. DON'T
TOUCH HER AGAIN.

> SHE'S MY DATE TONIGHT.

> HEY, YOU DON'T SCARE ME FREAK.
UNDERNEATH ALL THAT HAIR YOU'RE
STILL A DORK, SCOTT.

> (Narrator): TEEN WOLF TENSES UP...
TEEN WOLF TENSES UP SHOWING
FANGS. HE GROWLS.

> (he sneers)

> WHOA BITCH, ARE YOU CRAZY?

> HEY I'VE HANDLED HIS KIND BEFORE. HIS MOMMA USED TO STEAL
CHICKENS OUT OF THE BACK YARD UNTIL
I BLEW HER HEAD OFF WITH
THE SHOTGUN. RIGHT SCOTT?

> (Narrator): THAT'S TECHNICALLY THE
CRAZIEST SUBPLOT OF THE 80S.
THAT GUY MAY HAVE KILLED HIS MOTHER.

> WAIT, YOU ACTUALLY KILLED MY
MOTHER?
(interposing chatter)

> (Narrator): TEEN WOLF HAS HAD
ENOUGH. HE TAKES A BOWLING BALL
AND CRUSHES IT WITH HIS HANDS. THE
DRAGONS HOLD BACK MICK.

> BACK OFF MICK. IT'S NOT WORTH IT.
COME ON, LET'S GET IN MY
CAR AND GO MURDER SOME OTHER MOMS.

> (Narrator): WE'RE NOW INSIDE THE
HOWARD HOUSE IN THE KITCHEN.
HAROLD SITS ALONE AT THE TABLE.
THE FRONT DOOR SLAMS.

> IN HERE SON.

> (Narrator): SCOTT COMES IN AND
SITS OPPOSITE HIS FATHER.
I MISSED YOU AT THE STORE THE
LAST FEW DAYS.

> YEAH, I KNOW. I'M SORRY. I WAS
WITH STYLES THIS AFTERNOON.

> I KNOW.

> YOU SAW?

> (Narrator): HAROLD NODS.

> WHAT'S THE MATTER? THINGS
GOING BADLY FOR YOU?
DID YOU HEAR THAT MICK KILLED MOM?

> YEAH, DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

> (Narrator): TEEN WOLF SHAKEN BY HIS
AGGRESSION LOOKS DOWN AT HIS CLAWS
AND SEE'S REMAINS OF MICK'S SHIRT
AND VEST IN HIS PAWS.

> I REALLY COULD'VE HURT MICK
TONIGHT. I KNOW I WANTED TO.

> BUT YOU DIDN'T

> I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN
EVER AGAIN.

> SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE
MADE A DECISION.

> NO MORE WOLF, NEVER. I CAN'T,
I MIGHT KILL SOMEBODY.

> NO, YOU WON'T. WHEN THE TIME IS
RIGHT, YOU'LL KNOW WHEN TO USE THE
WOLF.

> I DON'T THINK SO. YOU'RE THE
ONE WHO SAID IT,
"WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT
RESPONSIBILITY."
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GOT THAT.

> (Narrator): SCOTT SEE'S A RUBBER
CHICKEN HANGING IN HIS
PARTIALLY OPENED LOCKER WITH A
NOTE THAT SAID EAT ME.
SCOTT PULLS THE CHICKEN AND
KNOCKS SOME BOOKS ON TO THE FLOOR.
A HAND REACHES OUT TO PICK
THEM UP AND IT'S LEWIS.
LEWIS NODS AND SMILES.

> G.W., DID YOU CATCH THAT LAST WAVE?

> (Narrator): THE CROWD
CHANTS TEEN WOLF.

> TEEN WOLF, TEEN WOLF, TEEN WOLF...

> (Narrator): BOOF RUNS UP TO TEEN
WOLF. ONE ARM AROUND
BOOF, THE OTHER STRETCHED UP IN THE
AIR HOLDING STYLES ARM UP IN
VICTORY WE CLOSE ON TEEN WOLF
ECSTATICALLY HAPPY AND FREE.
THE END.
(the audience cheers)

> (Narrator): LADIES AND GENTLEMAN
GIVE IT UP FOR EVERYBODY.

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