Thank you Bodhi Guthrie for that
amazing rendition of Gun Bless America.
Next up at the NRA Open Mic
we have three time,
conservative poet laureate and
card carrying member of the NRA,
Sage Thompson everybody.
Bang, goes the gun, and out shoot my words.
How? With a gun.
Oh, you're afraid of a gunman.
Well, I'm scared you're going to take away my gun, man.
I, will not be oppressed by background checks!
You can check my back.
You will find an American flag tattoo.
I will not be oppressed by a waiting period.
I waited for my period once.
It never came.
Instead I gave birth to a beautiful,
bouncing baby patriot.
And I will not be oppressed
by psychological evaluations,
I kiss the gun that protects my Constitution.
I kiss the Constitution that protects my gun.
It's a 3-way where I'm always on top.
We stand here and we say, damn the man,
specifically the black man.
-[Male #1]: Whoo!
I'm sorry your baby is dead.
I'm sorry your sister is shot.
Bang goes the gun.
Out shoot my words.
The world is warming.
Children cannot read.
People are hungry.
But I don't care about any of that.
If you take away my gun...
would be truly sorry.
Next up we actually have Wayne Lapierre here,
and he's going to be doing a tap dance
with a hologram of Charlton Heston.