Episode 4: ‘A Bad Case Of Nasty Nicole’ A web series about two friends, one... more »

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November 18, 2014
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SARAH: (V.O.) “Paul, I’m sorry I slept with someone else in your bed but… it was sweet that you washed the sheets.” Jesus, what am I thinking. Maybe I should just go stay at Harry’s. No, I have to talk to him. Paul’s a nice guy. Paul is a nice guy.

PAUL: Oh Sarah, ah, sorry this is my friend Nicole from work. Nicole. Sarah.

PAUL: (V.O.) And boom goes the dynamite!

SARAH: Hi.

NICOLE: Hi.

PAUL: Oh snap!

SARAH: Right, sorry…

PAUL: Sarah can I get you to crash on the couch tonight?

SARAH: (V.O.) No.

SARAH: Sure, it’s your room so who am I to stop you doing, that…

SARAH: (V.O.) That bitch better not touch him. Wait, why do I even care? Say something, say something…

SARAH: Have fun!

SARAH: (V.O.) Don’t say that!

PAUL: Thanks.

PAUL: (V.O.) She doesn’t even care, fuck!

PAUL: Well if loud and nasty is what then loud and nasty is what she gets- Jesus fucking Christ! Hey buddy! What are you doing?

NICOLE: Nothing, are you ready to start?

PAUL: Yeah, ah, see I figure if we’re going to have fake sex then we just need to make it really loud and make it sound like we’re having a really great time so-

NICOLE: Oh I’ll have a great time.

PAUL: Yeah well I was just going to stand up here and shove it about a bit you know...

NICOLE: You can shove it wherever you like.

PAUL: OK, you know when I was talking to the girls at the office you were the last one I thought would be up for this so… What are you doing?

NICOLE: We have to make it believable.

PAUL: Oh yeah, oh, this is great, ah, ahhhh!!! What are you? Yeah!!! Take it off!!! What are you taking it off for?

NICOLE: I’m just getting into character.

PAUL: OK you do understand that I do your Matheson case and we pretend to have sex, we pretend yeah!? Oh tie me up! Why are you tying me up?

PAUL: (V.O.) This is why you need to set boundaries with people you pretend to have sex with!

PAUL: Is that my belt? Is that the one I lost at work? I sent out twelve memos about that, three of them were marked urgent!

NICOLE: Shhh, shhh, do you know that every night I call your office phone so I can get off to the sound of your voicemail.

PAUL: I have voicemail?

NICOLE: “Hi, you’ve called Paul. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

PAUL: (V.O.) This is where I’m going to die.

NICOLE: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep-Beep-Beeeeep! Oh. Oooooh. I’ve made somebody down there happy!

PAUL: Really, this is what you’re up for?

NICOLE: Well, ‘ello ello’ it’s Mr. Willy!

PAUL: (V.O.) Why is her penis voice british?

PAUL: It’s OK, no Mr. Willy is fine. He can stay inside.

NICOLE: Let’s get him out shall we?

PAUL: No, he’s homeschooled. Ow! Oww!! That’s so good! Ow!

NICOLE: Oh Mr. Willy!

PAUL: Keep going! Stop. Why won’t you stop. Ah! Ah!

NICOLE: Bad, bad boy. Oh what’s happened. We’ll have to get him out.

PAUL: (V.O.) No, no, no, no, no, no.

PAUL: No we don’t have to get him out. He’s fine! He likes to stay inside. That’s the opposite of what I said. No, he’s had enough freedom in his time. Don’t you do anything to Mr. Willy! Sarah! Sarah!? Sarah!!!
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