John C Reilly in Satisfaction Guaranteed

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Adam McKay

Actor

John C Reilly

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WEBVTT 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:12.000 <v Female Announcer> Pepperbee's. Friendly service and delicious food since nineteen eighty-two. 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:26.000 <v John C Reilly> Hello. I'm Doug Thomas, owner of Pepperbee's Restaurants. For twenty-five years we've provided fine food, great drinks, and our signature appe-teasers. Courteous Pepperbee's workers greet you with a smile and a warm, friendly attitude no matter what the request. 00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:39.000 <v John C Reilly> So, why is our customer service so great? I'll tell you why, it's simple. Because I get off on it. That's right. The only way that I can achieve an erection is by watching a customer get top-notch friendly service. 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:52.000 <v John C Reilly> Every Pepperbee's is equipped with a secret sound-proof room with a two-way mirror, where I can watch you getting service. Then, I can sit here and cum like a Mentos dropped into a bottle of Diet Pepsi. Every time. 00:00:53.000 --> 00:00:55.000 <v Male Customer> I'd like the, uh, combo meal. 00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:56.000 <v John C Reilly> Ooh. Yeah. 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:59.000 <v Male Customer> With everything on it except the onions. No onions, please. 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:01.000 <v Female Waitress> All right. Sounds great! 00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:02.000 <v John C Reilly> Ahh! Ohh! 00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:03.000 <v Male Customer> Could I have, uh, extra ketchup? 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:04.000 <v Female Waitress> Of course. 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:06.000 <v Male Customer> Sorry, I like a lot of ketchup. 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:07.000 <v Female Waitress> Whatever you want. 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:09.000 <v John C Reilly> Oh! Ahh! You want napkins? 00:01:09.000 --> 00:01:13.000 <v Male Customer> And instead of french fries, could I have, um, onion rings? 00:01:13.000 --> 00:01:14.000 <v John C Reilly> No problem. 00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:16.000 <v Female Waitress> Sure. Um, did you want anything to drink? Or... 00:01:16.000 --> 00:01:17.000 <v Male Customer> Um... 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:21.000 <v John C Reilly> Okay. All right. Uh-huh. 00:01:21.000 --> 00:01:22.000 <v Male Customer> Coke. 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:23.000 <v John C Reilly> Ahh. 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:24.000 <v Female Waitress> I can arrange that, sir. 00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:25.000 <v Male Customer> Awesome. 00:01:25.000 --> 00:01:28.000 <v John C Reilly> Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! 00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:44.000 <v John C Reilly> A pleasant smile, delicious food, and me getting off. That's the guarantee at Pepperbee's. Listen, if you're in Pepperbee's and you see a door marked private, trust me, you do not want to open it. And out of a sense of decency, I won't even begin to describe to you what you'll find in that room. 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:52.000 <v John C Reilly> Oh, the hell with it. You'll find me, with an ice cream scooper jammed up my a*s and jumper cables attached to my nipples. 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:57.000 <v Female Announcer> Pepperbee's. Good eats, fine service, and a man alone in a room doing unspeakable things to himself. 00:01:57.000 --> 00:02:04.000 [Music Playing]