Speculators. We write songs about the possible events and characters in Game of Thrones season six.
We’re daaaaaamn good too. But you can’t just be a geek with a GO account.
You have to be handy with the paper, know what I mean? Read ‘em and weep!
SPECULATOOOOOOOOOORS! MOUNT UP!
I had a strong black stout, a thick gray book
Sons of Mim was on the hunt, reading in their nook
Some secrets within, so we can theorize
What happens next, who lives and dies
Just hit the last page of “A Feast for Crows”
Goin’ back tryna find something under our nose
Seen a couplah clues, makes it safe to say
All you nerds know what’s up, L+R=J!
So I looks to my left, hope lawyers won’t sue us
We’re here to roll the dice so we said: LET’S DO THIS!
We think Coldhands and Stannis and Sansa were snubbed
I was about to spit some rhymes but my spacebar was... Stuck.
Got this mug seepin’ tea because I deserve
Some peace and quiet browsin’ forums, please do not disturb
Signed up for an account and said “What do you know
About this Azor Ahai and the three-eyed crow?”
They got our backs to the wall! And now we’re miffed!
I can’t believe we got a cease and desist!
We could be in trouble and it’s all because
We didn’t do our homework on fair use laws.
They got my Jonny mutilated like he was The Hound
Can’t none of them see my mental state is on dangerous ground?
I got Patches on my face like Stannis’ clown
From crying ‘bout the Battle of the Fist showdown.
We got deadlines to meet, I’m starting to squirm
So we send a hail mary, straight to G.R.R.M.
Everything is a lie! Let me postulate:
“Kit Harrington was on set, but I ain’t takin’ the bait.”
Sixteen dudes in this book,
Some gettin’ old
George Martin is about to make some bodies turn cold
He’s loppin’ their melons, it’s getting late
For all the fanboys to speculate!
We start making shit up, doesn’t matter how wild
Maybe Bran is really Hodor’s child
If you want cray, sit back and believe
Dany is the Great Other...
...and Stoneheart is Steve!
The premiere’s in a week, and that’s a known fact
We knew Jon was a Targ before Ned got whacked
Back up, back up where’s Drogon?
G-O-N-E, Kahleesi! She don’t know where he be.
Just when I thought I could pinpoint the plot
And I didn’t need much help
The Night Watch and the Wildlings
Formed a truce and Snow was smelt
Tommen got a girlfriend, a sexy Tyrell
She said “Ooh, I’ll compromise.”
“Since Joff’s croaked now, and you’ve been so nice, Can I be your bride?”
But the crown’s full of debt, it ain’t going to well...
They braced for collide with House Martell.
With a brand new Sansa
Baelish step to this
I dare ya!
Tyrion’s in a trunk. Jorah’s next level.
Arya’s got a new face and the face is a death knell!
Aay, I’m too drunk.
Where Game of Thrones is life and life is Game of Thrones.
If you got HBO
Y’all better reminisce
‘Cause it’s the end of an era
Winter came and now it’s pissed
If you poke like I poke
Holes in blogs like every day
If your theory’s lackluste
Sons of Mim will speculate.