Lord, the Republicans done hit
another foul note with the women voters out there
and just in time to lose the next presidential erection.
Yeah that's right!
See you in 2016, bitches!
Saints be praised!
Today's episode of How I Seize It
is brought to you by yours truly,
the ever-effervescent, Loretta Jenkins.
And it's all about how all them elephants
needs to keep they lawbooks out of my Amy Winehouse.
That's a metaphor for pussies
for all y'all idgit dumbasses.
Now this here is a blanket statement
from me to all y'all Congressionals.
All y'all religgy-bitches out there
in TV lands need to face fact.
Cause look here at this pie chart I done made.
Look at it!
The fact is it don't matter how many
holy good books is out there hidin' around
in them hotel rooms...
Folks is gonna fuck.
You can't keep them boners and cherries from poppin'.
That's just plain old elementary school
health class right there.
I mean anybody been to prom
can tell you that!
What I drawed was supposed to show
that if we just made contraceptions free
for all the womens what's purpose affect
the ones that ain't got no bun in the oven...
Abortion rates go down.
Welfare mommas go down.
Ain't no more squallin' youngins
out here and over there
from them other trailers.
We can all live in peace!
While we at it,
why don't we just make it unlawful
for ugly folks to procreate.
It's like my adoptive great aunt Hildegard
on my daddy's side's myna bird used to say,
"You purty much a worthless
flesh sack of oxygen if you ugly.
Which bring me to a cross-referential point
about this turd bird, Rick Santorum,
cause he purty much a worthless
flesh sack of Catholic bullshit, too!
Literally, cause I googled him,
and his family name translate to
'shit streak on a faggot dick
after they daily fudge-packin'.'
Look it up!
I bet that why he hate my LGBQTQ, umm...
I don't like his face.
He all like-
He look like he like got his finge
stickin' in a cat's ass or somethin'.
Eww, he give me the creep.
I still might fuck him.
Both you and your pointy-headed
Vatican grand KK wizard needs to keep
your minds and opinions to your damn self.
Cause your Hail Mary Full of Dumbassness
religion is on the declines anyways.
So separate your church and state
and you steer queer of my
youngin-free fuck tunnel.
Lessen you're carryin' a substantial
amount of meat downstairs
in your undercarriage.
Hey, we oughts to take all them
Berlin Wall nuggets
and build up one of them Rapunzel fortress
around the Vatican and then keep
all them DaVinci Code secrets in there
and all them Catholic rules in there
away from all of us normal folks
who just wanna be free!
Any witch doctor out there
that's got a degree will tell you that
birth control does more
than stop eggs from fertlin'.
You might wanna know what's goin' on down there
before you start writin' laws and shit.
Hell, most mens don't even know
what they doin' down there,
much less what's goin' on.
Truth be told, on the average
most Republicans is ugly mother fuckers
and they just tryin' to stop
all us hot folks from fuckin'
cause they...they just jealous.
They just wishin' that they was kickin' boots
as often and nasty as we are.
That's the way us whores roll!
Let me get on out your hair here
so I can go bushwhack Tank a landin' strip
on my cooter hairs before he
gets over here with his cousin.
He turn 18 today...
I'm his present.
We gonna make that boy a man today!
Y'all pray that I don't nick my clit again
while I'm trimmin' cause that is disturbingly unpleasant,
but not as unpleasant as if we get anothe
one of them Moral Majority mother fuckers
up in that oval office.
Now that's How I Seize It.