Bette Midler wants to raise money to plant the first tree on the moon. It’s going... more »
Published November 05, 2014 38k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Cast -
Bette Midler
Crew -
Writer/Director - Lauren Palmigiano
Producer - Jason Carden
Gaffer - Andrew Ford
DP - Steven Levine
Grip - Dan Ferrara
Sound Jeff Gaumer
Make-Up - Sandy Linter
Editor - Ian Skalski
1,174 Funny Votes
231 Die Votes
38,185 Views
Published: November 05, 2014

HELLO, I'M BETTE MIDLER,
ACTRESS, SINGER, AND
TREE HUGGER, AND I WANT
YOUR SUPPORT FOR AN
INITIATIVE THAT IS VERY
NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART,
PLANTING TREES,
SPECIFICALLY ONE TREE,
ON THE MOON.
I HAVE WORKED FOR YEARS
PLANTING TREES AND CLEANING
PARKS IN NEW YORK CITY, AND
I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE
I'M READY FOR THE NEXT STEP,
AND MY NEXT STEP
IS TO COMPLETE MY ASTRONAUT
TRAINING, BOARD A SPACESHIP,
THAT WILL LAND ON THE MOON,
PLANT A TREE, AND THEN COME HOME.
KICKSTARTER, THE PLACE THAT
FUNDED SUCH PROJECTS AS
CRYSTAL BACON, WHOEVER THE
HELL SHE IS, COMBAT KITCHENWARE,
AND THAT WONDERFUL GIANT
INFLATABLE LIONEL RICHIE HEAD
IS THE PERFECT PLACE TO ASK
FOR $174,000,000 MILLION DOLLARS
TO MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE.
NOW, I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT,
BUT THERE ARE HIDDEN COSTS,
YOU KNOW THERE'S THE
HORS D'OEUVRES,
ACUPUNCTURIST, MAKE UP,
MIXOLOGIST, HAIR, THE LIGHTING,
PLUS ALL OF THOSE WONDERFUL
DEAR PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING
WITH ME AT NASA, VERY, VERY SWEET PEOPLE.
THERE ARE SOME GREAT PRIZES IF
YOU DONATE. $100 DOLLARS
GETS YOU A SIGNED COPY OF MY
BRAND NEW CD "IT'S THE GIRLS".
FOR $5,000 DOLLARS I'LL CARVE
YOUR INITIALS IN THE TREE.
FOR A $100,000 THOUSAND
DOLLARS I'LL MOON YOU
FROM THE MOON. $15,000,000
MILLION DOLLARS, GETS
YOU V.I.P. TICKETS FOR MY
OPENING CONCERT ON THE MOON.
YOU'LL HAVE TO COMPLETE
SEVERAL MONTHS OF TRAINING
WHICH I HAVE TO BE HONEST IS
NOT THAT EASY, YOU KNOW SPINNING,
VOMITING, EHH...
BUT I WILL BE WORTH IT.
DID I EVER TELL YOU, YOU'RE
MY HERO? DONATE TODAY, BECAUSE
IF I DON'T GET TO THE MOON
I'M COMING FOR YOUR ANUS.

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