Added almost 3 years ago
16603 funny votes
2806 die votes
Description:
Check out the guys (and girls) who didn't make the cut in the Apple iPhone 4 video.
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
The video opens with a series of views of the iPhone 4.
Jony Ive (voiceover): iPhone 4 is so much more than just another new product.
The shot cuts to Jony Ive. The following text appears at the bottom left: Jony Ive Senior Vice President Design.
Jony Ive: I mean this will have a lasting impact on the way that we actually connect with each other.
The shot cuts to Adam Scott. The following text appears at the bottom
left: Jared Wolodarski VP of Synthetic Designs iOS Hardware.
Adam Scott: It's going to change the world more than anything since
Jesus Christ and, to be honest with you, it blows Jesus Christ out of
the fucking water.
The shot cuts to the iPhone 4, which spins briefly. The shot then cuts to Greg Joswiak.
Greg Joswiak: In 2007, the iPhone reinvented the phone.
The shot cuts to Jimmi Simpson. The following text appears at the bottom left: Ivan ?hhokeht?? Intern iPhone Product Marketing.
Jimmi Simpson: In 2008, the iPhone 3G basically made everyone who bought the original iPhone feel like a complete asshole.
The shot cuts to Adam Scott.
Adam Scott: In 2009, the iPhone 3GS came out. It was basically the same
phone, except we put a little s there. Everyone loved it! Now, here we
are in 2010...
The shot cuts to the rotating iPhone 4.
Adam Scott (voiceover): and the iPhone 4 is here.
The shot cuts back to Adam Scott.
Adam Scott: Which begs the question, does the iPhone 4 have a big dick?
Yes it does, but face it. (very intense) You want that fucking dick.
The shot cuts to a close up of the iPhone display.
Greg Joswiak (voiceover): We're introducing the amazing retina display and...
The shot cuts to Greg Joswiak.
Greg Joswiak: we're bringing video calling to the world.
The shot cuts to a sequence showing a woman and baby video calling to a man in a hotel room.
Greg Joswiak: We call it face time. It's going to change the way we communicate, forever.
The shot cuts to Adam Scott.
Adam Scott: The very first time I had a face time call, I shit my pants.
Literally, I defecated in my pants and I was at work, so it was a
little embarrassing. But we were all so excited about the iPhone 4 that
it didn't matter. I wasn't the only one shitting my pants that day.
The shot cuts to Greg Joswiak.
Greg Joswiak: What's amazing is that every time I've been using it you
can't help but smile. You go, I can't believe this is real. This is
actually happening.
The shot cuts to Lauryn Kahn. The following text appears in the bottom
left: Kathy Brewbaker Coordinator of Fundamental Technologic
Innovations.
Lauryn Kahn: I was so overwhelmed, I completely, I blacked out. I passed
out and I still don't understand how this happens. Jobs, can you,
serious, can we just sit down, can you explain to me what the fuck this
is?
The shot cuts to an assembly line showing iPhones being made.
Jony Ive (voiceover): We developed an entirely new grade of stainless steel that, after machining, is incredibly strong.
The shot cuts to Lauryn Kahn.
Lauryn Kahn: It is so strong that you could kill a hooker in two quick blows.
The shot cuts to Jimmi Simpson.
Jimmi Simpson: Is the iPhone 4 the most incredible device ever invented?
Yes. Did the iPhone 4 fuck my wife? Yes. Did it give her five orgasms?
No.
Brittany Snow comes into the shot.
Brittany Snow: Nine.
Jimmi Simpson: It gave her nine orgasms.
Brittany Snow: I know.
Jimmi Simpson: And what's my record, babe?
Brittany Snow: Zero.
Jimmi Simpson: Zero. Oh, except for the time in Napa.
The shot cuts to a rotating iPhone 4. The shot then cuts back to Jimmi Simpson.
Jimmi Simpson: Alright, and this is a little embarrassing, a little
while ago I was irregular. I was constipated. I was under a little
stress and I hadn't had a real bowel movement since I'd been to Hungary
two weeks before. I looked up the turbolax app on my iPhone 4, I insert
the iPhone into my hiney hole, two minutes later I am walking on
sunshine. Just pooping like a bandit.
The shot cuts to Adam Scott.
Adam Scott: The iPhone 4 is literally sucking my dick, right now, as I'm
speaking to you. I can make calls, receive calls, send and receive
emails all while getting my dode slarved.
The shot cuts to Lauryn Kahn.
Lauryn Kahn: The iPhone 4 is going to change everything. Again. I know
last time we said it was going to change everything, but, because we
said it twice, it ended up canceling itself out and went full circle.
So, we're like, guess what? We're going to have to change everything
again. Again.
The shot cuts to the rotating iPhone 4.
Greg Joswiak (voiceover): This is going to change everything. All over again.
The shot zooms in on the Apple logo and the video ends.
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