Russian president Vladimir Putin and his horse Ivan address the DNC email hacking... more »

Full Credits

Starring Jerry O'Connell
Written by Owen Burke
Directed by Matt Mayer
Producer: Rob Hatch-Miller
Director Of Photography: Tyler Ribble
Editor: Evan Watkins
Hair & Makeup: Lexan Rosser
Wardrobe: Sachi Masuda
Gaffer: Seth Dean
Teleprompter: Nicole Bade

Transcript

Jerry O'Connell: [accent] Papa loves you.
Jerry O'Connell: Ah, hello, America.
Jerry O'Connell: It is I, President of Russian
Federation, Vladimir Putin.
Jerry O'Connell: And this is my horse,
Ivan Drago.
Jerry O'Connell: I want to address the rumors that
Russia hacked into the Democrat email.
Jerry O'Connell: That is just cray-cray.
Jerry O'Connell: People say that I
hacked the email to help
Jerry O'Connell: win election for my
best friend Donald Trump...
Jerry O'Connell: Oh, did I say
my best friend?
Jerry O'Connell: I meant to say Republican candidate,
Donald Trump, whom I have never met.
Jerry O'Connell: Not even at one
of Rupert Murdoch's
Jerry O'Connell: anonymous sex orgies
in international waters.
Jerry O'Connell: [whispering] Those parties
Rupert are so much fun.
Jerry O'Connell: They are calling this whole
situation worse than Watergate.
Jerry O'Connell: I wanted to call
it VodkaGate, but
Jerry O'Connell: that name is not really catching
on the way I would like.
Jerry O'Connell: My friends are saying, you know,
"Stop saying that. It's not funny.
Jerry O'Connell: It makes you look foolish."
Jerry O'Connell: Those people
are dead now...
Jerry O'Connell: Of natural causes.
Natural causes like radiation poisoning,
Jerry O'Connell: or bullet to the face.
Jerry O'Connell: Let's say, you are not dieting right,
you are not exercising right,
Jerry O'Connell: you know, you are
not taking care of yourself,
Jerry O'Connell: and then someone come up in
the back of you with a piano wire,
Jerry O'Connell: and then choke alive,
like, that is natural.
Jerry O'Connell: Russia would never
dream of meddling in
Jerry O'Connell: American Presidential
Race.
Jerry O'Connell: Okay sure, Donald Trump
vows to dismantle NATO,
Jerry O'Connell: an alliance built on
containing Russian aggression.
Jerry O'Connell: Yes, sure, Donald Trump's
business interests
Jerry O'Connell: rely heavily on
investments from
Jerry O'Connell: Russian oligarchs to
whom I am, what is the word,
Jerry O'Connell: "friendly."
Jerry O'Connell: When I say friendly,
I mean like, you know,
Jerry O'Connell: I battle them
in Pokémon Go...
Jerry O'Connell: Oh, I just got the Pikachu.
So happy.
Jerry O'Connell: Of course, I see a world
where Donald Trump and I
Jerry O'Connell: will take our shirts off and
we ride on the horses together,
Jerry O'Connell: blinding endangered species
with our ivory colored
Jerry O'Connell: barrel-shaped
torsos, yes...
Jerry O'Connell: Wouldn't you like to see
the Donald ride you, hmm?
[ horse neighs ]
Jerry O'Connell: Donald and I have the same
taste in Eastern Block trophy wives.
Jerry O'Connell: We treat them like trophies.
We keep the wives in the case,
Jerry O'Connell: we engrave our names on them,
and we polish them up
Jerry O'Connell: before the company comes over,
but that does not mean
Jerry O'Connell: that I would hack into
anyones email server for him.
Jerry O'Connell: How would I even know how
to hack into the email server?
Jerry O'Connell: Okay, just because what,
I held high rank in the KGB
Jerry O'Connell: at the height of the
Cold War in the 80's and 90's
Jerry O'Connell: it doesn't mean I know
how to hack the emails.
Jerry O'Connell: The Internet
wasn't even around.
Jerry O'Connell: Someone have like
an AOL account, okay,
Jerry O'Connell: but you have to
take the phone...
Jerry O'Connell: They put it into
the modem,
Jerry O'Connell: the modem go like...
[ voicing dial-up modem ]
Jerry O'Connell: I could not hack the
DNC emails, okay?
Jerry O'Connell: This is just Crooked Hillary
spreading lies.
Jerry O'Connell: And I will expose
those lies when I
Jerry O'Connell: carry out Trump's request
to hack into her emails...
Jerry O'Connell: That is when we are going
to see the Bill Clinton dick pic.
Jerry O'Connell: Goodbye America.
Jerry O'Connell: And remember, you can
Make America Great Again,
Jerry O'Connell: but not as
great as Russia.
[ laughing, horse whinnies ]
[ large explosion ]

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