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Esteemed author William St. Bromms teaches the world how to write the perfect novelization of a film.
Published July 25, 2014 44k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
NOVELIZATIONALIST - Brian Cox
STEPHANIE - Jennie Pierson
Crew:
Director: Nick Corirossi
Director: Charles Ingram
Producer: Jason Carden
Writer: Scott Gairdner
LAFS Coordinator: George Kiefer
1st AD: Sean Dacanay
Coordinator: Eleanor Winkler
DP: Brian Lane
1st AC: Ray Lee
2nd AC: Krystian Byrd
Gaffer: Dave Cronin
Lighting Tech: Ben Fredman
Key Grip: Daniella Nowvitz
Dolly Grip: Raul Rivera
H&MU: Jessica Leigh Schwartz
Wardrobe: Julie Swinford
Production Designer: Tricia Robertson
Art Director: Mike Robertson
Set Decorator: Rick Mader
Asst Set Dec: Corey Doyle
Sound: Ben Forman
PA: Ben Parks
PA: Stephanie Ayala
PA: Frank Guzman
PA: Luke Nelson
PA: Audrey Davis
Special Thanks to The Los Angeles Film School
958 Funny Votes
161 Die Votes
43,819 Views
Published July 25, 2014

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>: A NOVELIZATION.

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THE BOOK BASED
ON THE FILM.

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CONFUSED, THE CINEMA,
AND THE WRITTEN WORD IS AN

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ACT OF ALCHEMY ONLY THE
DUFFIEST CRACKPOT WOULD

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DARE ATTEMPT.

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YET, THIS IS THE POT WE STIR.

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A (inaudible word) THE FLAME.

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OUR MINDS THE
BUNSEN BURNER.

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(VOICEOVER): INDIANA JONES IS MONEY.
HE'S RUNNING FROM THE ROCK.

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HE GOES THROUGH
THE SPIDER NET.

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THE ROCK IS STOPPING BUT INDIANA FALLS.

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HE SEE'S THE MEN, AND
THE STICK KNIVES,
AND HE'S SCARED.

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AND POOPS HIS PANTS.

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THE NOVELIZATION IS NOT
A MERE TRANSCRIPTION.

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IT IS A CHANCE FOR THE
VIEWER TO LIVE IN THE

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TEXT OF THE FILM.

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TO EXPLORE IT!

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TO SWIM IN IT.

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REMEMBER, THE CENTER
OF THE BOOK...

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PICTURES OF THE FILM!

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DUSTIN HOFFMAN AND THE
GIRL ARE RUNNING ON THE BUS.

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THERE'S ONE SEAT LEFT.
WILL THEY GET IT?

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THEY GOT IT.
THEY'RE SO HAPPY...

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THEY POOP THEIR PANTS.

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MR. SAINT BROMMS?
>: YES-YES.

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>: HI (giggles), MY NAME IS
STEPHANIE, OK, I'M WORKING

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ON A SPEC NOVELIZATION
FOR THE MOVIE TWISTER, RIGHT,

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AND HAVING LIKE,
A LOT OF TROUBLE
DESCRIBING THE

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NATURAL PHENOMENON.
CUZ I WANT IT TO BE VISCERAL.

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IF YOU COULD MAYBE--
>: AND YES, OK-OK...

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STEPHANIE, VERY GOOD.
STEPHANIE...

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I'M GOING TO TRY A LITTLE EXERCISE.

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>: GREAT.
>: NOW, CAN YOU MOVE
TOWARDS THE AILSE?

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>: N-NOW?
>: YES.

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THAT'S IT.
>: EXCUSE ME...

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>: KEEP MOVING...
>: EXCUSE ME...

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>: A BIT FURTHER. THAT'S IT
YOU'VE GOT IT. KEEP GOING.

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KEEP GOING. YES--
>: HERE? FOR THE--
THIS IS THE METAPHOR?

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>: JUST REMEMBER THE SPACE.
>: OK.

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>: DEAL WITH SPACE OK?
>: YEAH.

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>: YOU SEE THE DOOR?
>: YEAH.
>: OPEN THE DOOR.

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>: THAT'S IT. VERY GOOD,
AND NOW, STEP TO THE OTHER

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SIDE OF THE DOOR...

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THAT YOUNG WOMAN WILL
NEVER BE A NOVELIZATIONALIST.

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(students clap as music fades in)

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BUILDINGS! BUILDINGS! BUILDINGS!
THIS GUY IS

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DOING THE GIRL.
YOU CAN'T SEE HIS BONER, BUT IT'S IN

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HER. YOU CAN
SEE HER NIPPLES.

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THE BAND IS SINGING.

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LA-LA-LA-LA-LA

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RAY DONOVAN,
POOPED HIS PANTS.

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THE MAN IS IN FRONT
OF THE CITY WINDOW.

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HE'S SMILING,

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BECAUSE HE
HAS THE JOKES.

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HANNIBAL LECTER,
POOPED HIS PANTS.

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LEONARDO DICAPRIO
WAS THE GREAT GATSBY.

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(students applaud)

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PHILADELPHIA.
TOM HANKS IS SAD.
HE HAS AIDS.

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(TV plays in the background
under the typing sounds)

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OH, TOM IS BETTER.
HE HAS NO MORE AIDS.
HE IS WALT DISNEY.

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AM I E.T.? THE SHIP CRISIS.

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AND E.T.'S HEAD
LANDS IN ELLIOT'S LAP,

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AND ELLIOT THEN
TAKES HIS OWN LIFE.

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IF YOU'RE TOO WEAK TO
CHANGE AN ENDING, THEN

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STOP WRITING NOVELIZATIONS.

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(he gasps and his heart becomes audible)
MY HEART IS HURTING.

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I'M GRABBING MY
OWN HEART THROB.

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I'M ALSO FALLING.

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EVERYONE IS WATCHING,
TO SEE IF I'M DEAD.

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MY EYES ARE CLOSING.
I'M DEAD.

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(sound of typing with a *ding* sound
as the carriage returns)

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(sound of applause)

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I'M WINKING.

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