My Cousin Shag

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Have you ever met my cousin?  His name's Shag.  He was named after the carpeting he was conceived on.  I know, classy, and to think, I'm related to that.  As you might have guessed, he's a little...um... slow, which wouldn't be a bad thing, except he's kind of... um... ill tempered.
He's the type of guy that'll fart when it's just the two of you in a room and try to blame it on you.  Now, I can overlook that in itself, but he doesn't stop there.  For as long as the odor lingers he taunts, complains, and even physically abuses you.  And if you call him on it he denies it.
I guess he thinks it's funny, what an obnoxious idiot.  What? Oh, hey Shag, how long have you been standing there?  Ow, my nuts!