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Bobby Bottleservice (Nick Kroll) auditions for MTV's new show "Jersey Shore"
Published December 08, 2009 1.1m views Immortal More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Nick Kroll
Shot and Edited by Brad Schulz
Sound by Sean Boyle

Male Voice: (whispers) Exclusive.
Nick Kroll: Oh, excuse me. You caught
me in the middle of
Nick Kroll: putting Vaseline on my
lips to keep them very kissable.
Nick Kroll: My name, as you know, is
addition to,
Nick Kroll: Bobby Bottleservice.
Nick Kroll: And I would like to say
that this internet video
Nick Kroll: is about the fact that
the Jersey Shore,
Nick Kroll: the new TV show on MTV
is an abominable snowman
Nick Kroll: nation of what is right
and wrong and this is wrong.
Nick Kroll: It's a minstrel
show. Okay.
Nick Kroll: But not like a funny
minstrel show with people
Nick Kroll: in blackface.
Nick Kroll: That said, as someone who
has spent time on the
Nick Kroll: Jersey Shore, I know you
cannot fight the tides of princes.
Nick Kroll: So, this is my audition
tape for Jersey Shore
♪ Let's get it poppin'
I'm in New Jersey trick ♪
Nick Kroll: I would like to say MTV
that I'm a fierce
Nick Kroll: competitor, and that's why I'm
perfect for Jersey Shore.
Nick Kroll: Nick: Because I will win
Season Two...
Nick Kroll: ...and I will take the
money with those earnings
Nick Kroll: and buy cool stuff.
Like a, for my grandmother for
Nick Kroll: example, in addition to, a
gold jet ski
Nick Kroll: that she could drive over to see my
Nick Kroll: future children,
like rest in peace.
Nick Kroll: And I will say, also, I
will buy myself something
Nick Kroll: cool, like new
calf muscles.
Nick Kroll: I would like to say, not
only am I a fierce
Nick Kroll: fighter, but I am also
a lover.
Nick Kroll: And for me, on this case,
I would respect the shit
Nick Kroll: out of those girls.
Like Snooki...
Nick Kroll: Who's body is beautiful,
like she has been smushed
Nick Kroll: down to the size of a
bowling ball that is tan
Nick Kroll: with extensions and
fake nails.
Nick Kroll: Very attractive to me.
As well as Jwoww, who's
Nick Kroll: natural breasts are so
beautiful.
Nick Kroll: Boy, oh boy, look how
natural they are.
Nick Kroll: I say breasts because I
love women.
Nick Kroll: And I don't call them cans
or big, fat titties
Nick Kroll: because I love my mother
and I don't disrespect women.
Nick Kroll: So, for MTV, on this show,
I will be eye candy,
Nick Kroll: and, no offense, but
the guys on that show,
Nick Kroll: no disrespect, but I don't
respect their bodies, right.
Nick Kroll: Because, you look at
The Situation, it's like oh
Nick Kroll: that's not the situation.
This is the situation right here.
Nick Kroll: What? Yeah, look at that.
That's a good body.
Nick Kroll: It's like you got The Situation, what you need
Nick Kroll: is Bobby Bottleservice. AKA The Service, right.
Nick Kroll: Because it's like
I'll do room service, right.
Nick Kroll: You know, like a carpet
cleaning service, which is
Nick Kroll: like what I
do here.
Nick Kroll: This is the office
that I clean.
Nick Kroll: So, as someone who would
like to create the
Nick Kroll: summarization of what I
have just said in finality.
Nick Kroll: Obviously, I'm a fierce
competitor.
Nick Kroll: In as well as,
like I'm a lover.
Nick Kroll: And, it's like, I cover my
mouth when I speak because
Nick Kroll: like I'm a very
reputable person.
Nick Kroll: Also, I would like to say
that I am eye candy
Nick Kroll: for ladies and gay
guys, who I will ignore.
Nick Kroll: As well as, Ed Hardy
Water...
Nick Kroll: Also, in addition
to, Vodka.
Nick Kroll: Yo, Jesus.
Nick Kroll: Revenge.
Nick Kroll: These are things that are
a summation of me.
Nick Kroll: And so, come on, put
me on the show.
Nick Kroll: Bobby Bottleservice.
Full Service. The Service.
♪ Let's get it poppin'
I'm in New Jersey trick ♪

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