Drunk History Vol. 5 w/ Will Ferrell, Don Cheadle & Zooey Deschanel

• • 

  • Will Ferrell

  • Actor
• • 

  • Don Cheadle

  • Actor
• • 

  • ZooeyDeschanel

  • Actor
• • 

  • Drunk History

  • Series
• • 

  • Derekwaters

  • Writer
• • 

  • JeremyKonner

  • Director
• • 

  • FODPresents

  • Executive Producer
• • 

  • Tom Gianas

  • Writer
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  • Jen Kirkman

  • Actor
• • 

  • showfriendz

  • Editor
• • 

  • Funny Or Die Politics

  • Uploader
• • 

  • Hall of Fame

  • Channel

(instrumental)
Jen Kirkman: Today we're going to talk
about Frederick Douglass.
Jen Kirkman: The Union was falling apart.
The South was seceding.
Jen Kirkman: It was a very young country.
Jen Kirkman: Frederick Douglass was an
abolitionist
Jen Kirkman: and he believed it is morally
wrong to have slavery.
Jen Kirkman: And people were like, hey
Lincoln, this guy is talking
Jen Kirkman: a good game. You should meet
with him.
Jen Kirkman: And Lincoln wasn't a
douchebag.
Jen Kirkman: He's like, okay, I'll meet
with him.
Jen Kirkman: Frederick Douglass comes to
the White House.
Jen Kirkman: Senator Pomeroy is, like, da
da da! Abraham Lincoln, let
Jen Kirkman: me introduce you to Frederick
Douglass, a black, former
Jen Kirkman: slave. A good black man who
has some speeches. He would
Jen Kirkman: like to talk to you.
I'm not being prejudiced.
Jen Kirkman: I just...He's black, I'd like to let you know.
Jen Kirkman: And he was asking. He was
asking Frederick Douglass...
Jen Kirkman: ...what do I do about slavery?
What do I do about the black population?
Jen Kirkman: And Frederick Douglass comes
over to him. He's like, whew,
Jen Kirkman: Abraham Lincoln, I am
Frederick Douglass.
Jen Kirkman: I am a former slave who - and
he's like, shhhh, I get it.
Jen Kirkman: I know. I know who you are.
It's been explained to me.
Jen Kirkman: I've been following your
career forever. Be quiet.
Jen Kirkman: I'm into it. Let's talk.
Jen Kirkman: I will do more about him, but
I will lay down. (she lies
down on the couch)
Jen Kirkman: My legs are showing. (she
adjusts her dress to cover
more of her legs)
Jen Kirkman: I wanted to lose weight before this. Wait. Don't show!
Jen Kirkman: It's too white. I want to lay down and have a drink.
Voice (offscreen): Do you want a blanket?
Jen Kirkman: No! You know what
I'm gonna do?
Jen Kirkman: Frederick Douglass...
Jen Kirkman: ...he's like, guess what
Abraham Lincoln? I have to
Jen Kirkman: tell you three things. Blacks
should fight in the war. Two.
Jen Kirkman: Black soldiers who do fight
in the war should get equal
Jen Kirkman: pay as whites. Three. If
they're prisoners of war,
Jen Kirkman: don't fucking kill them. And
Lincoln's like, yeah, I think
Jen Kirkman: we can do this, but, I just
want to let you know, that
Jen Kirkman: I'm just into preserving the
Union. The thing about,
Jen Kirkman: about, about, about Richard
Dreyfuss...
Jen Kirkman: What is his name? (laughing)
Frederick Douglass. I knew it
Jen Kirkman: was something similar. The
thing about Frederick Douglass...
Jen Kirkman: ...they were good friends.
And, he, and Frederick Douglass
remained an adviser
Jen Kirkman: to President Clinton for
years.
Jen Kirkman: And word gets back to him
that, Abraham Lincoln is dead.
Jen Kirkman: Why do I feel like - I didn't
take my pants off or anything did I?
Voice (offscreen): No, you took your
shoes off.
Jen Kirkman: Cause I feel like I don't
have pants on. Oh, because
Jen Kirkman: I'm in a dress. But there was
a moment where I took my
Jen Kirkman: pants off. Okay good.
Jen Kirkman: A couple years later, they're in Washington DC, and they're
Jen Kirkman: like, alright, it's the Lincoln emancipation
Jen Kirkman: memorial, and then someone says, hey, Frederick Douglass
Jen Kirkman: is in the audience. He should speak.
Jen Kirkman: He's an orator. I mean this is his
Jen Kirkman: livelihood. And he gets up. So he did that for a
Jen Kirkman: while and he did a good job...
Jen Kirkman: And then I would go on and do
a good job. (laughs) Wait,
Jen Kirkman: that was different than that.
Jen Kirkman: He says, I gotta be honest
with you guys. Abraham
Jen Kirkman: Lincoln was a white man's
President.
Jen Kirkman: Mary Todd Lincoln, Abraham's
wife, is there. And she was
Jen Kirkman: there when he got his head
blown off in the theater...
Jen Kirkman: She's a badass, but it
doesn't mean she's
Jen Kirkman: immune to feelings.
She's there.
Jen Kirkman: So he says, we had different views
Jen Kirkman: on slavery. We had different
views on the Emancipation
Jen Kirkman: Proclamation. We had
different views on the war,
Jen Kirkman: but he's a great guy, and I
respect him because he listened.
Jen Kirkman: Even if he knew he couldn't
fulfill my wishes, he brought
Jen Kirkman: me in and he fucking
listened. Nobody does that.
Jen Kirkman: Mary Todd Lincoln comes up to
him and goes, he would have
Jen Kirkman: fucking loved that. That is
exactly his style. She goes,
Jen Kirkman: Douglass, come here. I have
something for you.
Jen Kirkman: Now my head is shutting
asleep.
Jen Kirkman: Mary Todd said, I want you to
have Abe's walking stick.
His favorite walking stick.
Jen Kirkman: Douglass was like, thank you
much for the walking stick.
Jen Kirkman: I'm gonna do my best to
preserve the honor of it and
Jen Kirkman: I just take it more of a
symbol as a friendship
Jen Kirkman: between you, me and your
husband.
Jen Kirkman: And then, he died a few
months later, doing what he
Jen Kirkman: loves. Sticking up for
ladies.
Jen Kirkman: And you can't fault him for that.
Jen Kirkman: Did I need to do more story about them?
(instrumental plays)
Jen Kirkman: I have a mental illness, but
I don't.
Jen Kirkman: He's the father of the
civil rights.