- May 12, 2010
- 7.3m Views
- Immortal

Will Ferrell
Actor
Don Cheadle
Actor
ZooeyDeschanel
Actor
Drunk History
Series
Derekwaters
Writer
JeremyKonner
Director
FODPresents
Executive Producer
Tom Gianas
Writer
Jen Kirkman
Actor
showfriendz
Editor
Funny Or Die Politics
Uploader
Hall of Fame
ChannelStarring Will Ferrell, Don Cheadle & Zooey Deschanel
Featuring Jen Kirkman
Directed by Jeremy Konner
Created by Derek Waters
Written by Derek Waters & Tom Gianas
Edited by Neil Mahoney
Original Music by Eban Schletter
Cinematography by Hiro Murai
Production Design by Ryan Berg
Art Direction by Sara Kugelmass & David Michael Max
Eric Binns: First Assistant Director
Charity Ozarowski: Associate Director
Tim D. Lloyd: Boom Operator
Zsolt Magyar: Sound Mixer
Visual Effects by Dustin Bowser
Clay Jeter: Camera Operator
Hair/Make-up: Tara Loren
Wardrobe: Kim Carleton & Paula Elins
Assitant Editor: James Atkinson
7,323,590
May 12, 2010
(instrumental)
Jen Kirkman: Today we're going to talk
about Frederick Douglass.
Jen Kirkman: The Union was falling apart.
The South was seceding.
Jen Kirkman: It was a very young country.
Jen Kirkman: Frederick Douglass was an
abolitionist
Jen Kirkman: and he believed it is morally
wrong to have slavery.
Jen Kirkman: And people were like, hey
Lincoln, this guy is talking
Jen Kirkman: a good game. You should meet
with him.
Jen Kirkman: And Lincoln wasn't a
douchebag.
Jen Kirkman: He's like, okay, I'll meet
with him.
Jen Kirkman: Frederick Douglass comes to
the White House.
Jen Kirkman: Senator Pomeroy is, like, da
da da! Abraham Lincoln, let
Jen Kirkman: me introduce you to Frederick
Douglass, a black, former
Jen Kirkman: slave. A good black man who
has some speeches. He would
Jen Kirkman: like to talk to you.
I'm not being prejudiced.
Jen Kirkman: I just...He's black, I'd like to let you know.
Jen Kirkman: And he was asking. He was
asking Frederick Douglass...
Jen Kirkman: ...what do I do about slavery?
What do I do about the black population?
Jen Kirkman: And Frederick Douglass comes
over to him. He's like, whew,
Jen Kirkman: Abraham Lincoln, I am
Frederick Douglass.
Jen Kirkman: I am a former slave who - and
he's like, shhhh, I get it.
Jen Kirkman: I know. I know who you are.
It's been explained to me.
Jen Kirkman: I've been following your
career forever. Be quiet.
Jen Kirkman: I'm into it. Let's talk.
Jen Kirkman: I will do more about him, but
I will lay down. (she lies
down on the couch)
Jen Kirkman: My legs are showing. (she
adjusts her dress to cover
more of her legs)
Jen Kirkman: I wanted to lose weight before this. Wait. Don't show!
Jen Kirkman: It's too white. I want to lay down and have a drink.
Voice (offscreen): Do you want a blanket?
Jen Kirkman: No! You know what
I'm gonna do?
Jen Kirkman: Frederick Douglass...
Jen Kirkman: ...he's like, guess what
Abraham Lincoln? I have to
Jen Kirkman: tell you three things. Blacks
should fight in the war. Two.
Jen Kirkman: Black soldiers who do fight
in the war should get equal
Jen Kirkman: pay as whites. Three. If
they're prisoners of war,
Jen Kirkman: don't fucking kill them. And
Lincoln's like, yeah, I think
Jen Kirkman: we can do this, but, I just
want to let you know, that
Jen Kirkman: I'm just into preserving the
Union. The thing about,
Jen Kirkman: about, about, about Richard
Dreyfuss...
Jen Kirkman: What is his name? (laughing)
Frederick Douglass. I knew it
Jen Kirkman: was something similar. The
thing about Frederick Douglass...
Jen Kirkman: ...they were good friends.
And, he, and Frederick Douglass
remained an adviser
Jen Kirkman: to President Clinton for
years.
Jen Kirkman: And word gets back to him
that, Abraham Lincoln is dead.
Jen Kirkman: Why do I feel like - I didn't
take my pants off or anything did I?
Voice (offscreen): No, you took your
shoes off.
Jen Kirkman: Cause I feel like I don't
have pants on. Oh, because
Jen Kirkman: I'm in a dress. But there was
a moment where I took my
Jen Kirkman: pants off. Okay good.
Jen Kirkman: A couple years later, they're in Washington DC, and they're
Jen Kirkman: like, alright, it's the Lincoln emancipation
Jen Kirkman: memorial, and then someone says, hey, Frederick Douglass
Jen Kirkman: is in the audience. He should speak.
Jen Kirkman: He's an orator. I mean this is his
Jen Kirkman: livelihood. And he gets up. So he did that for a
Jen Kirkman: while and he did a good job...
Jen Kirkman: And then I would go on and do
a good job. (laughs) Wait,
Jen Kirkman: that was different than that.
Jen Kirkman: He says, I gotta be honest
with you guys. Abraham
Jen Kirkman: Lincoln was a white man's
President.
Jen Kirkman: Mary Todd Lincoln, Abraham's
wife, is there. And she was
Jen Kirkman: there when he got his head
blown off in the theater...
Jen Kirkman: She's a badass, but it
doesn't mean she's
Jen Kirkman: immune to feelings.
She's there.
Jen Kirkman: So he says, we had different views
Jen Kirkman: on slavery. We had different
views on the Emancipation
Jen Kirkman: Proclamation. We had
different views on the war,
Jen Kirkman: but he's a great guy, and I
respect him because he listened.
Jen Kirkman: Even if he knew he couldn't
fulfill my wishes, he brought
Jen Kirkman: me in and he fucking
listened. Nobody does that.
Jen Kirkman: Mary Todd Lincoln comes up to
him and goes, he would have
Jen Kirkman: fucking loved that. That is
exactly his style. She goes,
Jen Kirkman: Douglass, come here. I have
something for you.
Jen Kirkman: Now my head is shutting
asleep.
Jen Kirkman: Mary Todd said, I want you to
have Abe's walking stick.
His favorite walking stick.
Jen Kirkman: Douglass was like, thank you
much for the walking stick.
Jen Kirkman: I'm gonna do my best to
preserve the honor of it and
Jen Kirkman: I just take it more of a
symbol as a friendship
Jen Kirkman: between you, me and your
husband.
Jen Kirkman: And then, he died a few
months later, doing what he
Jen Kirkman: loves. Sticking up for
ladies.
Jen Kirkman: And you can't fault him for that.
Jen Kirkman: Did I need to do more story about them?
(instrumental plays)
Jen Kirkman: I have a mental illness, but
I don't.
Jen Kirkman: He's the father of the
civil rights.