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Now hears sum sik shits, yall. I wont you to member this HISI next time you go to tha... more »
Published September 27, 2010 690 views More Info »
Hey!
I'm Loretta Jenkins
and this here's How I Seize It.
I couldn't sleep,
so I got up to have me some 'Coorios.'
That's Coors Light and Cheerios.
I know some of y'alls out there sayin',
"Eww, that's gross..."
And you know what I say to you?
Fuck you right back.
I know some folks that eats
worser things than Coorios.
Y'all know them types...
Them types that eats them fishes
that ain't cooked.
Them people that eats cow brains,
and eggplants-
I don't even know what the fuck an eggplant is.
And then some gays,
but not all of them-
Them hairy pig fuckers...
They likes to drank each others pee.
Ain't that delicious?
But what I read on the internet
really takes the shit cake,
for real...
(sighs)
Now get this.
There's these third world countries,
and they makin' this super-expensive coffee
that's like $500 a pound!
That's more than gold...
...and marijuana!
Now y'all, I'm serious-
I ain't kiddin'!
They makin' this gourmet coffee...
...outta cat turds.
Yeah!
I said it.
Cat...turds.
Now they always bitchin' about people
thinkin' they eatin' cats...
Well, it would help if you didn't
make your cup-a-joe
out of cat shit!
(chuckles)
You know how most coffee gives you the runs?
This coffee already had the runs!
(cackling laughter)
I don't even think Jack Daniels
would make that acceptable.
This woman on TV?
She's one of them...
hoity-toity,
fancy-schmancy,
high-falutin',
coffee connoisseur British bitch,
that she look like she eat too many crumpets.
And she's all like,
"Oooh, it's so full bodied.
Ooooh! It's the best coffee I ever tasted!"
Her ass is that wide-
And even if she does have
better than normal British teeth,
I don't know nobody that wanna kiss her
with a big ass and cat shit breath!
Daggum!
(dog barking)
I mean, I don't care-
Fuck that damn dog!
Woof, woof, woof-
(burps)
I mean who...
...who invented that?
It was probably that bitch that got caught
with her dog and that jar of peanut butter.
It is a sick fuckin' world that we live in,
and you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm just gonna plan on preserve this rockin' bod
by just drinkin'
and I suggest you do too.
And if you one of them crazy motherfuckers
that's drinkin' cat turd coffee,
than I think that you ought to just go ahead
and just kill yourself!
Goddamnit!
I can't have nothin'!
Shit...
That's How I Seize It.
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