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Well now lease we no why Rusha was bein so nice an peaseful cuz day was tryin to... more »
Published March 22, 2014 87 views More Info »
Hey!
USA! USA! USA! USA!
Yeah, it's that time of year again
where we supposed to forget
what a big shit hole
this country done dug itself into.
And we supposed to be proud Americans
and support our athletes.
I've been an Athletic Supporter!
(laughs)
You know sometimes
they want you to tug on 'em?
You girls, you know what I mean.
You fellers do too!
This here Loretta Jenkins
and I'm here for a post-Winter Olympics wrap-up
here on How I Seize It.
Now every couple of years
they have a Sunny Olympics
where there ain't hardly any white folk.
And in between they do a snow-themed sports.
You know, to even out the athletic disparity
between the races?
Hell, what you gonna do
when the icecaps melt?
I guess they'd call them the Water Olympics,
cause that way it's like level out,
cause you know I don't know too many
black folk what likes to swim.
This year, they had them
so-called Olympics in Sochi, Russia.
Which by the looks of things
is probably pronounced Sucky, Russia.
Or 'Suck It, Russia!'
(laughs, coughs)
Now who the hell gave these
Commie Bastards the rights
to host these games anyway, huh?
I bet you anything somebody pull
some illegal strings to get them in there.
Them Russians is always doin' somethin' underhanded.
That's them callin' probably tappin' into my phone.
They got that Snowmobile man over there.
You know the Wikileaker?
He a spy!
And goddamn!
Ain't it about time we shatter Russia
into about a hundred billion other countries?
I think that worked before!
Besides, they make folks wait in line
for five fuckin' hours
just to get a piece of moldy bread to eat.
And then they passed laws against my Queers
and y'all know how I respond to shit like that.
The onliest good thing I ever heard about Russia
was they ain't got no water runnin' out they taps.
Just Vodka!
And I am all for that!
I mean hell, who the fuck need water anyway.
There's water in vodka.
How else is it a liquid, huh?
That's just a little bit of Lo-Logic there.
Hey, somebody told me that vodka
came from potatoes.
I ain't no fuckin' eater!
Fuck You!
Don't be sayin' lyin' shit like that to me!
I'm drinkin' alcohol.
I ain't drinkin' no potato soup.
Case you didn't hear,
that Vladimir Puta?
He says gays can't like march around with flags
and be peaceful and do
demonstrations and shit like that.
Or else they gonna end up in lockdown.
Put 'em in the fuckin' Hogan's Heroes
or some shit like that.
You know queers?
They like prison you dumbass!
What the fuck you think
goes on in prison?
Butt fuckin'.
Whole lotta butt fuckin'!
Did y'all see where this Hitler-offspring
He tweets out homoerotic
pictures of himself.
He ain't got no shirt on or nothin'.
Methink the faggot doth protest too much, caprice?
All these newscasters sayin'
this is the most expensive olympics in history.
Somethin' like 50 Million dollars!
Trillion?
It's a BIG number!
How in the hell is it gonna cost that much?
The winter olympics is the one
people don't even care about watchin'
in the first place.
Must be the currency exchange or somethin'.
I hear that Euro, it ain't what it used to be.
They can't even keep they Disneyland open.
Man there need to be an investigation
about how all that money got spent up in there.
They need to call in that fat ass Nancy Grace.
I hate that bitch,
but at least she'll get up in your asshole!
Cause they didn't use none of that money
to spruce up they hotels/
I seen on Twitters.
They had some ugly pictures
where they hotel had like cracks in it,
and bugs crawling' around,
and brown shit comin' out the water.
Russian crackheads…
Stray dogs…
It was just disgustin'.
Hey Putin!
Ain't it funny they named their President
after Pussy Farts!
(laughs)
Y'all have got to have made that correlation.
LOLMAO-on the floor-
Split-my-fuckin-sides…
(coughs)
You ever laugh so hard you plot?
I just did.
Yeah you Russians
you might be used to these 1-star lodgings,
but we Americans, we got standards.
I mean would it have killed you to have
built some Super 8s or
some Red Roof Inns over there?
Hey!
Ain't all your roofs red?
(laughs)
Commie Motherfuckers.
Yeah so I didn't watch none of these events
cause I was boycottin' these Sucky Games
on a count of I ain't supportin' Russia for NOTHIN'!
And I'm boycottin' Coca-Cola, too cause-
OH MY GOD!
Has y'all ever noticed that Coke cans…
…is RED?
I think they all located down there in Atlanta.
We might oughta consider burnin'
that shithole down again.
And I am proud them Canadians
brought that hockey trophy home!
(singing)
Oh Canada,
with the squirrels jumpin'-
And…Canada…
…is cold.
Can you tell?
How come that ice skater Johnny Quee
wasn't arrested for any of them faggy outfits
he wore up on the TV?
Guess they figured the fashion police
was gonna get him when he got home!
BOOM!
Stop dressing' like that.
You ain't no girl!
Shit, his vagina's probably bigger than mine.
He look like he could take a leg.
I am gonna tell y'all one thing.
They is some fine ass dudes
in them olympics.
That ice dancin' Chris White?
Maaaaaaan…
Shit, I'd jump in there and like
'Tonya Harding' that partner of his
and release the Cracken on that Cracker!
Yeaaaah!
(laughs, coughs)
(sniffs glue)
What?
It's flu season, ain't it?
Don't be judgin'!
Judgmental bastards…
Now y'all know I got a soft spot for dogs,
so this bronze medal winne
what saved them pound puppies.
Honey, I got a conciliation blow job
a'waitin' on you.
You just come on collect it
soon as you get home.
See you in dos anos
for my Summer Olympic edition.
And that's How I Seize It!
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