Water Salad - "Apartment"

Description: First of all, Water Salad? You’re probably saying, “What the fuck is that?” I went to Japan and directed 3 spots for this product and I still have no idea what the fuck it is. I’m not even sure what the spots are really about. But, I do love random shit, and Japan is the best place for random shit. On set, the actors had to actually drink some of this Water Salad stuff for the commercial. After about 20 minutes of this, they all shit their pants. I guess the stuff wasn’t fully tested or something. This was a product of Coca Cola, and there were 3 Japanese Coca Cola executives on set. They would sit in the back of the stage and just stare quietly at everything we did. They kinda freaked me out. When the actors started shitting and running off set to go to the bathroom, I decided it might be best to stop shooting for a bit. As I was walking out of the set, one of the Coca Cola execs asked me what was happening. I said, “I think your product gave everyone the shits, so we gotta stop for a little while.” You would have thought that I just told the dude that we were all gonna die. When I came back, All three execs had their heads in their hands and I think one of them was crying. It must be tough to be an executive in Japan. I’m not sure if they ever fixed the problem. Hell, maybe it doesn’t give Japanese people the shits. Maybe it only affects Americans, Russians and Koreans. Well, at least I got to direct some random Japanese commercials in my life. I guess now I can say I have arrived. Oh yeah, Some of you might recognize the tall blonde Russian dude. His name is Igor Jijikine and he’s always playing a Russian bad guy in stuff. He’s even in the new Indiana Jones movie, probably playing a Russian bad guy or playing Shia LaBeouf’s girlfriend. Someday, I’ll tell you the story about how Igor kept two crazy Yakuza wannabes from killing me on the streets of Tokyo.