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Full Credits

Written & Directed by Mike Litzenberg & Bridge Stuart
Actors: John Gammon, Jordan Laesch, Mike Litzenberg, Scott Rowan, Bridge Stuart, Katie Farrell, Esmeralda Leon, Phil Potter, Lacey Sellers
Director of Photography: Daniel Ainsworth
Sound: Ian Blackman & Wes Dewberry
Produced by David Cronin
Music by Holly Amber Church
Key Grip: Dustin Muenchow
Special Thanks to Robbie Quan

Stats & Data

October 25, 2009


There's over one million of us.
We're in your offices.
In your bars.
In your gyms.
We're in your living room, kicking your ass at Madden 2010.
We're at your mom's house, making her airtight.
Whoa, bro!
The time has come.
The time has come for a change.
For too long, you've told me to shut the fuck up.
To calm down when you're the one with your elbow over the table.
That people who are different from me matter.
 That laughing at my own jokes doesn't make them funnier.
Well you can't hold us down, anymore.
We... are douchebags.
We are douchebags.
We are douchebags!
We've taken back the word, bitches.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines douche as a "jet of clensing solution directed against a bodily cavity."
Don't think of us as disgusting.
Think of us as cleansing.
Like a fucking... mint.
Like when your mom makes me dinner after sucking my dick.
I just came in your face!
I'm gonna keep on wearing pink.
And I'm gonna keep crushing brews and slaying bitches.
And you can't stop us.
This is douchebag solidarity.
And we're gonna get ridicucrunkulous!
And what we do next...
Just might shock you!
We are douchebags.
We are douchebags.
It's not a bad word anymore.
You can't hurt us anymore.