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Fresh off the news of acquiring Dr. Dre's Beats brand of headphones, Apple has some more exciting purchases to announce.
Published May 12, 2014 110k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring - Mike Hanford, Alana Johnston, Jack Allison and Andy Bush
Written by - Jake Fogelnest and Jack Allison
Directed by Andy Bush
Director of Photography - Brian Lane
Gaffer - Kevin Stewart
Production Designer - Marisa Collins
Make Up Artist - Brenna Haukedahl
Sound Mixer - Kayla Croft for BoTown Sound
Production Manager - Jacob Geller
Editor - Caleb Swyers
Producer - Sean Boyle
1,959 Funny Votes
2,255 Die Votes
110,009 Views
Published May 12, 2014

1

SINCE 1976, APPLE COMPUTERS HAS
BEEN CHANGING THE WORLD IN

2

WHICH WE LIVE IN. IT'S TRUE.

3

WE HAVE BEEN AN ENORMOUS SUCCESS.

4

AND NOW, I'M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT WE
HAVE A $150 BILLION DOLLARS.

5

TODAY, APPLE IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE
THAT WE HAVE

6

OFFICIALLY BOUGHT BEATS BY DRE,
FOR $3.2 BILLION DOLLARS.

7

WE STILL HAVE ABOUT $147, RIGHT,
BILLION DOLLARS LEFT

8

AND FOLKS WE GOTTA A LOT OF FUN
STUFF WE'RE GOING TO BUY.

9

APPLE IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE OUR
PURCHASE OF KOHLER TOILETS

10

FOR $13 BILLION DOLLARS.

11

WHY DID APPLE COMPUTERS SPEND
$13 BILLION DOLLARS ON A TOILET

12

COMPANY. WHO CARES? WE STILL HAVE
$134 BILLION DOLLARS LEFT OVER.

13

I SAW A VERY NICE SWEATER AT
FRED SEGAL LAST WEEK.

14

SO APPLE ACQUIRED IT.

15

THIS WOMAN KAREN, WHO I THINK
TIM COOK MET LIKE LATE NIGHT AT

16

A DENNY'S COMES IN WITH HIM ON
MONDAY AND IS NOW LIKE BUYING

17

COMPANIES, LIKE MAKING THE BUYING
DECISIONS FOR APPLE COMPUTERS.

18

DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN ACTUALLY BUY
THE COMPANY AMAZON.COM

19

THROUGH AMAZON.COM?

20

THAT BROUGHT APPLE COMPUTER'S NET
WORTH TO $106 BILLION

21

999,643 DOLLARS.

22

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON AT
THIS COMPANY ANYMORE.

23

IT FEELS LIKE EVERYBODY HAS GONE CRAZY.

24

(CRAZY PERSON LAUGHTER)

25

I'M A BIG FAN OF TOTINO'S PIZZA ROLLS,
SO WE BOUGHT THE COMPANY

26

FOR $27 BILLION DOLLARS. YOU SEE WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE?

27

WE'RE BUYING EVERYTHING.

28

THE GUYS THAT HAVE WORKED HERE FOR
YEARS, I'VE LOOKED THEM IN THE

29

EYES, AND I DON'T SEE ANYBODY LOOKING BACK.

30

IS THIS TRUE, ARE WE GETTING AN APE?

31

SINCE STEVE'S DEATH, I THINK
THAT WE'RE FLOUNDERING.

32

WE WERE A COMPANY BASED ON THE VISION OF ONE MAN, AND I DON'T

33

KNOW THAT WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING ANYMORE.

34

WE BOUGHT SOME DVD'S TOO.

35

I GOT HOWARD STERNE PRIVATE PARTS.

36

Up Next:

The Sexy New iPhone

AUTOPLAY
Up Next In: 10
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