INT. APT - DAY The whole scene is color-desaturated and out of focus. A MAN carries a clarinet. MAN I have allergies that makes my life dull and unfocused. He holds up the clarinet. MAN (CONT'D) One of my allergies is to clarinets. So I take Clarinetin. A film is peeled from the scene, making it bright and in focus. MAN (CONT'D) It makes my life vibrant! Taken twice daily, Clarinetin... The film peels back again, making the scene even brighter. The man reacts, squinting his eyes and holding his hand up to block the view. MAN (CONT'D) ... will make your life better, too. Cl... Clarinetin... The film peels back again, making the scene even more brighter. The man is almost crying from the vibrancy. MAN (CONT'D) What's going on? Why are you doing this, Clarinetin? STOP! NOOOO! The film peels back one more time. His covers his eyes and falls to his knees, screaming. He pulls his hands away... HIS EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!! He goes on all four, his hand touches the clarinet. He smiles with hope, fumbles for it, not seeing well, then picks it up and plays. He plays haltingly. The scene goes slowly to normal. He smiles, relieved, and looks right at the camera. MAN (CONT'D) Thanks, Clarinetin! The scene peels and goes straight to super saturated. He screams as his eyes explode! He falls face first, dead. A picture of the box spins to center. Announcer (o.S.) Side effects may include: runny nose, sneezing, headache, optical and anal bleeding, eyeball detonation, and in some cases, mild death.