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The first sketch from NYC based P.Ride, Flyer Guy begins the story of ultimate loser... more »
Published April 28, 2010 510 views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Hank Donaldson - Kelly Morris
Steve - Ty Hewitt
Written By - Matt Bernhard and P.Ride
Directed By - Kevin Lind and Matt Bernhard
45 Funny Votes
8 Die Votes
513 Views
Published April 28, 2010
EXT. New York City - DAY

HANK is handing out flyers for a porno shop on 8th Avenue.
Everyone ignores him as they walk by.

HANK
Hot porno action, here! Come get
your porn fantasies fulfilled at
Silky Desires! Just five minutes
west, Silky Desires! Hot porno
action! Hot! Hot!

His sales pitch is rote and dispassionate.
One of the passing throng slows and stops, looking at Hank.
He is well dressed.

HANK (CONT’D)
Hot ass licking action! Hot bondage
teddies! Hot piss drinking
naughties! Here sir, have a five
percent discount!

Hank hands a flyer to the well dressed man, STEVE.

STEVE
Hank? Hank Donaldson?
HANK
...Hi Steve.
STEVE
Hey man...how you doing?
HANK
Oh, I’m...I’m great, man! I’m
great.
STEVE
It’s been, what, like six years, o
something like that, right?
HANK
Yeah, man, yeah. About six years.
Since just after college. Hey, I
love your show, man.
STEVE
Oh, thank you! Thanks a lot, we’ve
been really lucky with it. They
just picked us up for another year.
HANK
Yeah, I tell everyone I know about
you, man! I’m like, I hung out with
that guy all through high school
and college, and now he hosts his
own ESPN show! How cool is that?
STEVE
It’s pretty cool, man.
HANK
They can’t even believe it. Really,
they’re like, no way, man. And hey,
they were showing some video clips
of you golfing with Peyton Manning
and Charles Barkley the other day!
What was that like?
STEVE
It was great! I mean, of course it
was! They’re both terrific guys.
Smart, funny, Peyton’ll cheat the
ball spot if you don’t watch him,
though. So, what’re you up to, man?
HANK
You’re looking at it! I mean, not
really, I got some other stuff
going on. I’m always looking fo
that angle, you know. I just
applied to work at Barnes and
Noble, and they said I was supe
qualified, or even maybe
overqualified, so that’s looking
good. I’ll probably be managing it
in about six months or so.
STEVE
Yeah...that’s great. You’d be good
at that. So, uhm, how’s Janet doing?
HANK
Janet. Yeah.
STEVE
I gotta tell you, you and Janet,
all through college, man, I’ve
never seen two people more in love.
I always wished I had that kind of
love in my life, man. How many kids
you got?
HANK
Janet and her new husband just had
twins. They live in North Carolina.
They’re doing pretty good, I think.
I mean, he’s a pediatrician, and I
think pediatricians probably make
pretty good money.
STEVE
Oh. Hm.
HANK
Yeah, funny story, actually. She
was screwing him for the last ten
months or our relationship.
STEVE
Wow, that’s...pretty bad.
HANK
Yeah, I hope she gets a lot of face
cancer. All of them, really, even
the twins.
STEVE
OK.
HANK
Mary and Miles. That’s thei
fucking names! Hey, what’s the name
of that model you’re dating?
Dotsen?
STEVE
Doutzen, yeah, it’s a Dutch name.
HANK
I’ve never actually heard someone
pronounce it, I’ve just seen it in
print.
STEVE
Yeah, right.
HANK
Like in the Sports Illustrated
swimsuit issue. And some stuff on
the web. Sometimes, I’m just struck
by the fact that you’re the one
giving it to her every night.
STEVE
Yeah, well. Not every night. We’re
pretty busy.
HANK
Right. Cause of the TV show and
stuff.
STEVE
Yeah.
HANK
Yeah. Fuck you.
STEVE
All right, nice talk. Take care of
yourself man.
HANK
Fuck yourself.
Steve walks away.
HANK (CONT’D)
Hot porno slits! Silky Desires is
the erotic boudouir of you
fantasies. Tons of class! Tons of
ass! Hot! Hot! Hot!
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