Ted Raimi presents the scariest stories ever told, a Halloween collection sure to scare you down to your dick.

Full Credits

Starring -Ted Raimi
Writer, Director, and Editor - Brad Schultz
Featuring - Rhys Bevan-John, Don Colliver, Jesse Klein, Gabe McKinney, Leo Shvedsky
Producer - Matt Mazany
Director of Photography - Scotty Fields
Production Designer - Kyle Smith
Prop Master - Vicky Chan
Set Dresser - Sara Higley
Wardrobe - Jordy Scheinberg
Make Up/SFX - Marina Coria
Production Coordinator - Ross Buran
1st AC - David Olaoniye
2nd AC - Myles Gilbert
Swing - Kasra Shokravi
Art Director - Vicky Chan
Sound Mixer - Chris Bennett for BoTown Sound
Sound - BoTown Sound
PA - Matt Wolf, Libby De Leon

Stats & Data

1,168Funny
754Die
49,979
Views
October 28, 2014
Published

Transcript

(ominous atmospheric music plays)
(glass breaks)

> WELCOME. I'M TED RAIMI.
OVER THE YEARS, I'VE
WRITTEN, DIRECTED, AND
STARRED IN SOME OF THE MOST
TERRIFYING FILMS EVER MADE.
WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE IS
A COLLECTION OF MY
NEW STORIES. THEY'RE CALLED
THE SCARIEST STORIES EVER TOLD.
FEELING QUEASY?
THEN PROCEED WITH
CAUTION (creepy laugh).

> AHH!

> WHERE ARE YOU RUNNING OFF TOO?

> PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.
I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT HOME
TO SEE MY FAMILY FOR HALLOWEEN.

> DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO
TO PEOPLE WITH FAMILIES
WHO COME DOWN
OUR STREET?

> WHAT?

> WE STAB THEM!
IN THE PENIS (chuckles).

> NO, NO, NO, PLEASE NO...

> HEY. LET HIM GO OR I'LL
BLAST YOUR PENIS'
OFF WITH MY GUN.
YOU LOSE, DIRT BAGS.

> NO, YOU LOSE.

> OW, MY PENIS.
PRETTY SCARY RIGHT?
WELL, THAT'S
NOTHING COMPARED TO
THIS NEXT TERRIFYING TALE.
(sound of a large animal breathing heavily)

> HELLO EVERYONE.
WE'RE MURDERERS HERE
TO MURDER YOU.
(sound of a dog barking)
(sound of the dog breathing
hard and then snarling)

> AH, MY PENIS!

> I CAN SEE YOU CAN
HANDLE YOUR HORROR. GOOD,
BECAUSE I'VE SAVED THE
SCARIEST ONES FOR LAST.
(joyful music plays)

> YAHH - IT BURNS!

> AHH! MY PENIS.
(male is breathing heavily)

> HONEY I JUST HAD
THE WORSE DREAM. HONEY?
AHH, A PENIS!
IT'S MY PENIS!
A BOWLING BALL!
IT'S A DOG BROKE MY BALL.
SCARY.
SCARY, SCARY, SCARY, SCARY.
(shocking staccato sounds)

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