Added over 2 years ago
9687 funny votes
2078 die votes
Description:
Bobby Bottleservice (Nick Kroll) and Peter Paparazzo (Jon Daly) are the Ed Hardy Boyz. They're equally sick at getting girls as they are at solving mysteries. With the help of Christian Audigier, King of the Ed Hardy fashion empire, they're working super hard to make our world a more dope place, one vodka event at a time.
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
The video opens with a shot of Nick Kroll and Jon Daly posturing for the camera. Hard rock music plays in the background. There is a short montage of images of Nick Kroll and Jon Daly. The shot cuts to a stylized background and the following text – The Ed Hardy Boyz. The shot cuts back to Nick Kroll and Jon Daly with text – solving mysteries – over them. The shot then cuts to a miniature Jon Daly dancing between the words – good at business. The shot then cuts to Nick Kroll posing behind the words – Super good at girls. Jon Daly appears by himself and the name - Peter Paparazzo – appears. The shot then cuts to Nick Kroll and the name Bobby Bottleservice appears. The words – The Ed Hardy Boyz – appears again. This cuts to the words – The Ed Hardy Boyz in the case of “The Missing Sick Belt Buckle.” The shot then cuts to Jon Daly and Nick Kroll out on the sidewalk talking to a woman.
Nick Kroll: Oh, I would love for you to come to an event that we are throwing. Are you interested in coming out?
Jon Daly takes pictures of the woman while Nick Kroll talks to her.
Nick Kroll: You have very beautiful nails and that phone is very cool. Thank you so much.
The text – OBJECTIVE PROMOTE TONIGHT'S VODKA EVENT – appears.
Nick Kroll: Yo, come check it out, full bottle service. Ed Hardy vodka for children event. Tonight.
Jon Daly: Paparazzi red carpet. Paparazzi red carpet.
Nick Kroll (to a woman walking by): Excuse me. Why can't you smile for me. Why you look so sad?
Jon Daly (to woman): Usually I'm very shy, but you've turned me into an introvert.
Nick Kroll (to two attractive women walking by): Oh, are you on an Anaheim baseball team, cause you both angels.
Jon Daly's phone rings.
Jon Daly: Oh, snap.
The phone's caller Id reads - Christian Audigier founder of Ed Hardy.
“Christian Audigier”: Hello boys. It's me Christian Audigier.
Jon Daly: What's up Christian?
“Christian Audigier”: I have a case for you. Yesterday, A totally sick belt buckle was stolen from my flagship store.
Jon Daly: No!
“Christian Audigier” (in car): The buckle was going to be a personal gift from me to my best friend Jon Gosselin. Your mission. Find the belt buckle. Return it to me and I will let you touch Michael Jackson's corpse.
Jon Daly: Tight.
Nick Kroll: Let's do this ASAP.
The shot cuts to Jon Daly and Nick Kroll at the Ed Hardy flagship store. The following text appears – OBJECTIVE SNIFF OUT CLUES. Nick Kroll is questioning Alison Becker.
Nick Kroll: OK, so what was it that occurred for you?
Alison Becker: I was in here folding clothes and this really sketchy guy came in and he was wearing an Affliction T-shirt.
The shot cuts to Jon Daly randomly taking photographs of the store's interior. The shot cuts back to Alison Becker and Nick Kroll.
Alison Becker: Oh, and then I went out for a little bit and when I came back, like, the sickest Ed Hardy belt was missing.
Nick Kroll scribbles in a small notebook.
Alison Becker: What are you writing?
Nick Kroll: Oh, no, it's just me cooking you breakfast.
Nick Kroll shows Alison Becker a childlike picture of him cooking eggs.
Nick Kroll: I would like to ask you now, as another follow up question, why is is that you look familiar? Do you work out at that gym that I have a financial stake in?
Alison Becker: No.
Nick Kroll: But you have a beautiful body. Third and thirdmostly, I would like to ask you, do you date me? No, not yet, but maybe someday, God willing.
Alison Becker: Oh, I don't know if this will help you, but he did mention that he never misses a free vodka event. Oh, that would be very much for me to tell you that we are doing an Ed Hardy vodka for children event tonight.
Jon Daly: He will be drawn to our vodka event like a moth to a flame.
Nick Kroll: Thank you for you help with this situation. It would be very much my honor that you would meet my mother.
The shot cuts to the vodka event opening. The text – OBJECTIVE SOLVE THE MYSTERY – appears.
Jon Daly (taking pictures of a guest): Oh, give me your eyes. Your eyes are blue, like blue flowers. Alright, you're done, OK.
Nick Kroll (to guest): Are you on this list? OK.
Jon Daly (taking pictures of another guest): I'm gonna steal your soul like native indians.
Nick Kroll (to Nick Thune): Is that a hummingbird on your shirt bro?
Nick Thune: No, it's a...
Nick Kroll: Get the fuck out of here, bro! This is fucking rock n' roll bro.
Nick Kroll (to Angela Trimbur): Oh, I like how your eye makeup makes you look like a bird.
Jon Daly (to Brody Stevens): Alright bro! Here's we go bro. Looking good! Looking...good.
Jon Daly sees the stolen Ed Hardy belt buckle on Brody Stevens.
Jon Daly: Hey bro, sick belt buckle bro.
Brody Stevens: I know.
Jon Daly (under his breath): You fucking know. You fucking piece of shit. (calls Nick Kroll, who is a few feet away) Hey.
Nick Kroll: Hello?
Jon Daly: The eagle has landed, on the red carpet. It's the sick belt buckle and it's here.
Jon Daly, Nick Kroll and Brody Stevens take turns saying, what's up, bro, where you at bro, and are you here bro.
Nick Kroll: Sick belt buckle, bro.
Jon Daly (yelling): Sick belt buckle bro!
Brody Stevens: I know. Bro.
Nick Kroll: You motherfucker, that belt buckle doesn't belong to you! It belongs to Christian Audigier! The fucking new genius of the free world!
Nick Kroll and Jon Daly beat Brody Stevens up. They then tie a handkerchief around his mouth and pour water over it.
Nick Kroll: We're going to Ed Hardy structure waterboard you, bro.
Jon Daly: Yeah, Ed Hardy structure water, which contains hexagonal molecules of gold and platinum bro.
Nick Kroll tears the belt buckle off.
Nick Kroll: We did this for you Christian.
Jon Daly calls “Christian Audigier.”
Jon Daly: We got the belt buckle bro!
“Christian Audigier”: A job well done, Ed Hardy Boyz. Enjoy the corpse of Michael Jackson. As for me, I must go to my girlfriend's sweet 16.
The shot cuts to Nick Kroll and Jon Daly cooking eggs. Alison Becker come out of the other room in just a T-shirt.
Jon Daly: Oh, good morning. Early bird gets the omelet
Alison Becker: Fun night last night.
Nick Kroll: Yeah. You ever gotten it from two dudes at one times?
Alison Becker: Not when they were both soft.
Jon Daly flips over the omelet to reveal the words – Ed Hardy THE END.
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