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Erin tries to get Bryan to go to Burning Man and we all learn about Brigham Young's... more »
Published May 20, 2014 44k views More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Starring Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Written by Erin Gibson & Bryan Safi
Camera Op: Cristina Dunlap
Editor: Ian Skalski
Camera Op: Matt Sweeney
Art: Tricia Robertson
Follow Erin & Bryan on Twitter
Erin:
http://www.twitter.com/gibblertron
Bryan:
http://www.twitter.com/bryansafi

1

(ERIN): THIS IS

2

(ERIN AND BRYAN TOGETHER): THROWING SHADE.

3

(BRYAN): WHERE FEMINASTY ERIN GIBSON,

4

(ERIN): AND HOMOSENSUAL BRYAN SAFI,

5

(BRYAN): TAKE A LOOK AT THE HEADLINES
AND POLITICS,

6

(ERIN): AND POP CULTURE,

7

(BRYAN) AND TREAT THEM WITH MUCH
LESS RESPECT THAN THEY DESERVE.

8

(ERIN): CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

9

I BROUGHT YOU A TICKET.

10

TO WHERE, ANYWHERE?

11

WE'RE GOING TO BURNING MAN!

12

13

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO?

14

NOT IN TEN MILLION YEARS... YOU
WOULD HAVE TO GIVE ME A

15

MILLION DOLLARS, AND PROMISE
ME THE AIR TO LIKE-- THE FERRIS
WHEEL OF FORTUNE.

16

I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

17

H E I R?

18

YOU WOULD HAVE TO GIVE ME
EVERY HAIR THAT'S EVER BEEN LEFT ON A

19

FERRIS WHEEL.

20

OH YEAH.

21

PLUS, A MILLION DOLLARS
FOR ME TO DO THAT.

22

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO, IT'S SO,
BUT HERE'S WHAT'S FUN ABOUT IT,

23

IT'S DUSTY...

24

NO.

25

THEY HAVE CATERPILLARS
THAT FIT 300 PEOPLE.

26

WHAT IS THAT? I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS. LIKE THE...

27

IT'S A CATERPILLAR MACHINE.

28

WHAT IS IT...?

29

HAVEN'T YOU SEEN WILD WILD WEST STARING WILL SMITH?

30

OF COURSE. I MEAN THAT'S
THE ONLY MOVIE I'VE SEEN.

31

THAT'S ALL THAT BURNING MAN IS.

32

IS THAT MOVIE?

33

WILL STOCKARD CHANNING BE THERE?

34

MM-HMM.

35

OK, THEN YES.

36

SHE'S GOING TO BE REAL DUSTY.
SHE'S GOING TO HAVE HER

37

MYSTERY AND MATADOR GOGGLES ON.

38

YEAH.

39

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT SHOW?

40

NO.

41

THE PICKUP ARTIST ON VH1?

42

OH YEAH.

43

REMEMBER THAT GUY WHO
WORE LIKE MESH SHIRTS--

44

YEAH.

45

WITH LIKE-- FULL MESH, VERY
THIN, AND HE WAS LIKE A AN

46

EX-MAGICIAN.

47

MM-HMM.

48

(ERIN): FELT TOP HAT, AVIATOR
GOGGLES, ON THE HAT IN CASE HE

49

NEEDS THEM RIGHT. PLOP THEM ON.

50

THAT SHOW WAS BEAUTIFUL,
BUT DID YOU EVER SEE PRETTY IN PINK?

51

HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT?

52

-THE MOVIE?
-MM-HMM.

53

OR THE LIPSTICK COLOR?

54

NO.

55

OR THE SC COLOR? THE BLUSH.

56

-YEAH. THE MOVIE.
-OK.

57

MY FAVORITE SCENE IN THAT
MOVIE IS WHEN LIKE THE POPULAR GIRLS

58

ARE TRYING ON PROM DRESSES...

59

OOH.

60

AND ONE OF THEM GOES,
"MOM, THIS LOOKS LIKE A WEDDING DRESS."

61

AND HER MOTHER GOES,
"DON'T I WISH." WHY DO YOU WANT YOUR

62

HIGH SCHOOL DAUGHTER
TO GET MARRIED?

63

WELL, SHE WANTS THEM OFF THE PAYROLL.
THAT'S WHAT MY STEPDAD CALLS IT.

64

WHEN YOU GET MARRIED,
HE'S LIKE, "THEY'RE OFF THE PAYROLL."

65

THEY'RE OFF THE PAYROLL.
THANKS BUDDY.

66

YEAH. MY STEPDAD
ALWAYS FIST BUMPS.

67

BY THE WAY, CAN WE TALK ABOUT
HOW IT'S 500 DEGREES IN L.A.

68

RIGHT NOW?

69

WELL OK, LET'S NOT BE--

70

600 DEGREES.

71

LET'S NOT BE THE PEOPLE IN L.A.
WHO ARE LIKE, OH GOD IT'S HOT

72

WHEN THERES LIKE--

73

IT IS HOT!

74

--ACTUAL HEAT OUT THERE.

75

NO, WHERE? NAME IT.

76

NOT HERE--

77

JOE NAME IT.

78

YOU THINK THIS IS HOT? HOW
ABOUT RUNNING OUTSIDE IN

79

AUGUST HEAT AND HUMIDITY
IN HOUSTON TEXAS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

80

ONLY FOOLS WOULD DO SOMETHING
LIKE THAT. I MEAN, WHAT AM

81

I DOING BESIDES LIVING? YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

82

YEAH, YOU'RE JUST LIVING IN THE
HEAT. WHY YOU DON'T LIKE THE HEAT?

83

I JUST WOULD RATHER-- YOU KNOW
THEY SAY THAT YOU ALWAYS SLEEP BETTER

84

WHEN YOU ARE A LITTLE COOLER,
AND THEN YOU SLEEP WORSE WHEN YOU'RE--

85

WHO SAYS THAT?

86

IT'S LIKE KNOWN. THAT'S WHY YOU
LIKE THE FEELING OF PUTTING ON

87

BLANKETS, AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
YOU SLEEP BETTER IN THE COLD.

88

SOMETHING ABOUT IT--

89

TELL THAT TO PEOPLE IN INDIA.

90

WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GOING
ON A MISSION FOR IN A MONTH?

91

OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING
MISSION BURRITOS.

92

NO. WELL, I'M GOING TO DO THAT TO.

93

YEAH.

94

MY WHOLE THING IS I FLY OVER
TO INDIA AND I SAY, "NEEDS TO BE

95

COLDER! NEEDS TO BE COLDER!"

96

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
AND THEN I SEE--

97

AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS-- YEAH.

98

WELL I HAVE A TRANSLATOR.

99

-OH, YOU DO. OK, GOOD.
-YEAH.

100

WHO SCREAMS BEHIND ME.

101

AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY
CAN DO ABOUT IT EXACTLY?

102

HEY, NOT MY PROBLEM. I JUST
SPREAD THE GOOD WORD.

103

YEAH, YOU THINK THEY CAN
JUST PRAY TO THEIR ELEPHANT GOD,

104

AND MAKE IT ALL, MAKE
IT ALL BE COLDER?

105

YEAH, AND ONE TIME I OFFERED
SUGGESTION, BUT I DON'T KNOW

106

IF THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE IT.

107

WELL DID YOU PUT IT IN THAT BOX?

108

I SAID DO IT-- YEP, I PUT IT
IN A SUGGESTION BOX--

109

MM-HMM.

110

--RIGHT WHEN I GOT TO THE AIRPORT.

111

THE INDIAN SUGGESTION BOX, YEAH.

112

AND I SAID, DO THE DOME.
TEMPERATURE CONTROL A/C.

113

HAIL EVERY WEEK.

114

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE--

115

BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT-- OH, IT IS.

116

-IT'S LIKE BIO-DOME.
-BIO-DOME.

117

YEAH.

118

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

119

AND STEPHEN BALDWIN?

120

YEP.

121

AND THEY PLAY TWO CHARACTERS
WHO ARE BASICALLY BILL AND TED,

122

BUT THEY'RE STUCK IN A BIO-DOME?

123

YEP.

124

YEAH. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
GROWING WEED?

125

UH, I THINK IT WAS
ABOUT BEING EARTHLY.

126

OH, YEAH.

127

YOU KNOW DOLLY PARTON
CAME OUT FOR GAYS.

128

TODAY?

129

FOR GAY MARRIAGE. LIKE TODAY.

130

WELL, WHAT DID SHE SAY?

131

SHE WAS LIKE, I THINK THEY
SHOULD LOVE WHOEVER THEY WANT.

132

DO WHATEVER THEY WANT,
AND IN THAT INTERVIEW SHE SAID, NO

133

I'M NOT A LESBIAN. MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH JUDY IS LIKE

134

OPRAH'S RELATIONSHIP WITH GAYLE.

135

MMHH.

136

SO.

137

MM-HMM.

138

EVERYTHING OK?

139

I JUST LOVE THE TASTE OF
STARBUCKS TAP WATER.

140

OH, YOU DO.

141

YEAH. SO WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS FILTERED?

142

HOW DO THE FUCK DO I KNOW.

143

BECAUSE THEY ALSO SELL IT IN
A BOTTLE. THEY HAVE TO PAY FOR

144

THIS CUP.

145

YEAH.

146

-AND THE STRAW.
-RIGHT.

147

AND THE MACHINE TO MAKE THE ICE.

148

SO YOU'RE JUST--

149

SO WHY IS IT FREE?

150

LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW IF--

151

I'M JUST SAYING THEY'RE RUNNING
THEIR BUSINESS INCORRECTLY.

152

-LISTEN. I THINK THEY'RE NOT
WORRIED ABOUT IT. THEY CHARGE

153

LIKE $3 DOLLARS FOR AN ICE TEA,
AND HOW MUCH DOES THAT COST THEM TO MAKE?

154

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAID
FOR A COFFEE LAST WEEK?

155

LISTEN IF I HEAR IT I'M GOING TO RUN
THROUGH A WINDOW.

156

$6 DOLLARS.

157

IT DIDN'T EVEN HAVE
ALTERNATIVE MILK IN IT.

158

YEAH.

159

IF IT HAS ALTERNATIVE MILK IN IT,
I GET IT, THAT'S EXPENSIVE.

160

IT'S VERY HARD TO GET MILK OUT
OF CASHEWS. YOU KNOW?

161

EXACTLY. WELL, NOT REALLY. YOU JUST
HAVE TO SUCK ON THEM LONG ENOUGH.

162

IS THAT HOW THEY DO IT?

163

MM-HMM.

164

THEY JUST HAVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU FOR
EXAMPLE JUST SUCKING ON NUTS.

165

AND THEN YOU SAY,
"THE NUT'S TAIDING." WHICH MEANS
LACTAIDING.

166

YEAH.

167

AND THEN...

168

HOW DO YOU SAY THAT WITH NUT MILK IN YOUR MOUTH?

169

IT'S VERY DIFFICULT YOU
JUST HAVE TO KIND OF DO IT IN CODE,

170

JUST LIKE, (MUFFLED WORDS)

171

AND THEN THEY'RE LIKE,
"THE NUT'S TAIDEN?"

172

YEAH.

173

AND THEN THE PEOPLE RUN OVER.

174

WHO'S THE PEOPLE? OH,
THE MANAGERS? THE NUT MILK MANAGERS.

175

AND THEY ALL WEAR
CASHEW COSTUMES.

176

YEAH.

177

YEAH, THEY ARE ALL DRESSED
UP AS CASHEWS.

178

WHY IS THAT?

179

WELL, COMRADERY.

180

DON'T YOU ALL GET IT,
IF YOU GET IT? YEAH.

181

YEAH.

182

WOULD YOU EVER GO IN A HOT
AIR BALLOON, OR NO WAY?

183

FUCK...

184

(TOGETHER): NO.

185

ME TO.

186

WOULD YOU?

187

NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

188

IT'S LIKE THAT WOMAN WHO GOT
HER FEET CUT OFF AT SIX FLAGS.

189

WHAT?

190

SUPERMAN RIDE, HER FEET SLICED
OFF RIGHT AT THE ANKLE.

191

192

WELL ERIN, COLLEGE WAS FUN.
COLLEGE WAS DUMB.

193

OH, IT IS FUN. I'M STILL IN COLLEGE.

194

OH, YOU ARE? WELL, THIS
TRANSITIONS PERFECTLY INTO

195

BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY.

196

OH, YES.

197

BYU, A MORMAN UNIVERSITY.

198

I KNOW BYU.

199

THEY JUST RELEASED AN ONLINE
SURVEY TO STUDENTS AT BYU, THAT

200

SAID THIS, "THE CHURCH OF JESUS
CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS IS

201

CONDUCTING A FOCUS GROUP TO
BETTER UNDERSTAND YOUR VIEWS
ON MARRIAGE,

202

AND SAME SEX ATTRACTION."

203

THAT'S CODE TO ME FOR THE CHURCH
IS TRYING TO BE HIP, BUT

204

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE YOUNG
PEOPLE ARE UP TO.

205

I THOUGHT IT WAS-- WHEN I FIRST
READ IT, I THOUGHT, WELL MAYBE

206

THIS IS A GOOD MOVE, BECAUSE
THEY'RE LIKE HUH, WELL MAYBE...

207

IN MY HEAD WHEN I JUST READ
THAT PART I THOUGHT, WELL MAYBE

208

THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO
UNDERSTAND IT.

209

YEAH.

210

MAYBE THEY ARE TRYING-- YOU'RE
RIGHT. I'M WRONG BY THE WAY.

211

MM-HMM.

212

WELL SO, THIS WAS THE ORIGINAL
QUESTION THAT THE SURVEY ASKED,

213

WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION?
FIRST ANSWER,

214

I AM HETEROSEXUAL, BUT I STRUGGLE
WITH SAME-SEX ATTRACTION.

215

SO THE WORD STRUGGLE THERE. NOT GREAT.

216

I AM HETEROSEXUAL, AND DO NOT
STRUGGLE WITH SAME-SEX ATTRACTION.

217

SO THOSE WERE THE TWO--

218

NOT JUST GAY?

219

THOSE WERE THE TWO CHOICES FOR
WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

220

SO SEXUAL ORIENTATION WAS
STRAIGHT OR STRAIGHT--

221

MM-HMM.

222

--WAS BASICALLY YOUR OPTIONS.

223

YEAH, STRAIGHT, OR STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT LIGHT?

224

NO GAY--

225

STRAIGHT OR GAY LIGHT?

226

--NO GAY. NO LESBIAN. NOTHING.
NO BI-SEXUAL. NOTHING LIKE THAT.

227

SO THE NEW CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT
WHICH IS AN ONLINE JOURNAL

228

BROKE THE STORY, AND FOUND A COPY
OF THE SURVEY, AND SO THEN

229

AFTER THEY RELEASED THE SURVEY,
THEY CAME UP WITH A DIFFERENT QUESTION.

230

THE MORMONS DID.

231

SO THE NEW QUESTION WAS, WHAT IS
YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

232

AND HERE ARE THE OPTIONS.

233

I CONSIDER MYSELF HETEROSEXUAL AND
I STRUGGLE WITH SAME-SEX ATTRACTION.

234

I CONSIDER MYSELF HETEROSEXUAL AND
DO NOT STRUGGLE WITH SAME-

235

SEX ATTRACTION.

236

AND, I CONSIDER MYSELF HOMOSEXUAL,
BISEXUAL, OR TRANSGENDERED.

237

PROBLEM HERE. TRANSGENDERED
ISN'T A PHRASE, TRANSGENDER

238

IS, TRANSGENDER ISN'T A S
EXUAL ORIENTATION.

239

-NO.
-NO.

240

IT'S A GENDER.

241

THAT'S FUNNY.

242

IT'S SOME PEOPLE IDENTIFY WITH
THEMSELVES WITH THAT KIND OF GENDER.

243

SO, AGAIN JUST DEFINITELY MISSED
THE BOAT. COMPLETELY

244

OFFENSIVE.

245

GREAT JOB BYU.

246

SO THAT QUESTION WAS THEN DONE
AWAY WITH, BECAUSE THEY WERE LIKE

247

WELL, WE FUCKED UP AGAIN.

248

YEAH.

249

THIS WAS THE NEW ONE
THEY CAME UP WITH.

250

AND WHEN THEY ERASED IT--

251

THEY WERE LIKE WE ARE NOT GIVING
UP ON THIS. WE WANT THE INFO.

252

SO THE NEWEST QUESTION WAS DO
YOU EXPERIENCE SAME-SEX ATTRACTION?

253

YES OR NO.

254

I FEEL LIKE THIS--

255

WHICH IS WHAT THEY WANTED TO
KNOW IN THE FIRST PLACE.

256

I GUESS, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS IS SORT
OF THE SAME THING, JUST

257

DIFFERENTLY WORDED THAN...

258

BECAUSE BASICALLY DO YOU
EXPERIENCE SAME-SEX ATTRACTION

259

MEANS ARE YOU A STRAIGHT PERSON
WHO SOMETIMES HAS GAY FEELINGS.

260

SO WHAT IS THE RELEVANCE OF THIS?

261

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST
PART OF THE STORY IS?

262

THE PERSON IN THE COPY ROOM
WHO IS LIKE, PHEW, JUST MADE

263

400,000 THOUSAND COPIES OF
THIS SURVEY. RING, RING.

264

I GOTTA PRINT THEM AGAIN?

265

266

OK.

267

268

(SCREAMS)

269

BUT THAT PERSON IS DOING LIKE
AN INTERNSHIP WHERE THEY

270

GET FREE SCHOOL FOR THAT.
SO THEY-- WHAT CAN THEY DO?

271

NOTHING.

272

WELL, UM.

273

DON'T YOU DARE WINK AT ME, AND
DRINK FUCKING TAP WATER

274

AFTER SAYING SOMETHING--

275

GOOD.

276

(LAUGHS)

277

(ERIN COUGHS IN THE BACKGROUND)

278

YEAH, IT'S A BIT... KARMA'S A BITCH.

279

280

HOW YOU FEELING CHAMP?

281

YEAH, CAME AROUND FAST HUH?

282

-YEAH.
-YEAH.

283

DO YOU KNOW HOW-- THE BEST
THING ABOUT STARBUCKS TAP WATER?

284

IS THAT IT'S LIQUID KARMA?

285

WHEN IT COMES RIGHT OUT YOUR
NOSE WHEN YOU'RE CHOKING ON IT

286

YOU CAN'T EVEN FEEL IT.

287

JUST TASTES LIKE REGULAR
OLD BODY FUNCTION.

288

289

(EXHALES) YOU WERE SAYING.

290

I THINK SOMETHING HAPPENED TO
YOU DURING THAT SIP OF WATER.

291

I MEAN YOU'VE COME BACK A
DIFFERENT PERSON, I HAVE TO

292

BE HONEST WITH YOU. THIS IS NOT--

293

I'VE BEEN TO WAR BASICALLY. YEAH.

294

THIS IS SHELL SHOCKED. YOU
BASICALLY WATER BOARDED YOURSELF.

295

THAT'S EXACTLY-- GOD,
THOSE POOR GUYS.

296

I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS UP. I MEAN
IT'S SO-- IT DOESN'T EVEN

297

MATTER AT THIS POINT. WHO CARES.

298

NO, YOU SHOULD.
BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY.

299

SO THE MORMON CHURCH SAID IT'S
IMPORTANT TO US THAT PEOPLE

300

UNDERSTAND THAT THE DOCTRINE
OF THE CHURCH HAS NOT CHANGED,

301

AND IS NOT CHANGING. SO IT DOES
BEG THE QUESTION--

302

SO WHY DO THEY CARE?

303

YEAH. WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

304

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

305

WHAT THEY'RE BASICALLY SAYING
IN ALL OF THIS IS GAY PEOPLE

306

DON'T EXIST. THAT YOU'RE STRAIGHT
WITH GAY TENDENCIES,

307

AND THE CHURCH HAS A HISTORY
JUST TO BRING IT UP VERY QUICKLY, YOU KNOW

308

THEY DIDN'T ALLOW BLACK PEOPLE
INTO THE CHURCH UNTIL LIKE

309

BETWEEN 1978 AND 1980.

310

YEAH, OF COURSE THEY DIDN'T.

311

AND THEN SUDDENLY THERE WAS
A REVELATION, AND SO THE CHURCH

312

CHANGED IT'S DOCTRINE.

313

SOMEONE HEARD A VOICE OR SOMETHING?

314

-EXACTLY.
-YEAH.

315

SO THERE WAS LIKE A WHOLE THING
. SO, MAYBE AT SOME POINT

316

THEY'LL DO THAT ABOUT GAYS,
THAT THERE WAS THIS REVELATION, BUT

317

RIGHT NOW, UH, THE REVELATION
IS THAT THEY'RE-- THAT GAY

318

PEOPLE DON'T EXIST.

319

YEAH.

320

SO, IF YOU'RE A MORMON, WHAT A WORLD.

321

YEAH, AND IF YOU'RE NOT A
MORMON JUST GO TO UTAH AND LOOK

322

AT THE ROCKS.

323

324

SOUTH KOREA HAS THE PLASTIC
SURGERY GAME ON LOCK.

325

I BELIEVE YOU.

326

DID YOU GO THERE TO
GET SOME STUFF DONE?

327

WELL, I GOT THESE DONE.

328

YOUR ELBOWS?

329

YEP. BRAND NEW ELBOWS. WELL
YOU SAW HOW THE ONES FROM BEFORE.

330

THEY WERE LIKE TENNIS BALLS.

331

-YEAH.
-YEAH.

332

UM, SO HERE'S A FUN FACT.
1 IN EVERY 77 PEOPLE IN SOUTH

333

KOREA HAS SOME SORT
OF PLASTIC SURGERY.

334

YIKES.

335

1 IN 77 SO, IF YOU WENT TO THE
FUCKIN' CHEESECAKE FACTORY

336

ON ANY GIVEN SLOW SUNDAY.

337

ONLY IN LIKE 1 OF THEIR ROOMS.

338

YEAH, IF YOU WENT TO ONE OF THE
CHEESECAKE FACTORY ROOMS, BUT

339

THAT WAS SOUTH KOREA WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT THESE FACTS--

340

MM-HMM

341

--ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WOULD'VE
HAD A... (CLICKS TEETH)

342

OR A... (CLICKS TEETH)

343

OR A... (CLICKS TEETH)

344

OR A... (CLICKS TEETH)

345

OR A... (CLICKS TEETH)

346

IF YOU ARE REALLY UNHAPPY WITH A
PHYSICAL FEATURE OF YOURS,

347

AND IF YOU THINK IT WOULD IMPROVE
YOUR HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE

348

TO GET SOMETHING DONE ABOUT IT,
THEN I SAY GO FOR IT.

349

WOULD YOU GET PLASTIC SURGERY?

350

I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE ONE
OF THOSE FACES THAT SORT OF

351

LIKE, WHY WOULD I, YOU KNOW?

352

YEAH. SO SHOCKINGLY YOU WON'T
BELIEVE THIS, 20% PERCENT OF

353

WOMAN AGES 19-49 IN SEOUL ADMIT
TO GOING UNDER THE KNIFE. AND

354

ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR PROCEDURES,
DO YOU WANT TO GUESS?

355

IS THE EYES.

356

MM-HMM.

357

YEAH.

358

-IT BUMS ME OUT.
-YEAH.

359

IT BUMS ME OUT THAT AN ENTIRE
RACE OF PEOPLE IS LIKE I DON'T

360

LIKE HOW MY EYES LOOK.

361

YEAH.

362

NOW JUST TO PUT IT INTO CONTEXT,
THERE ARE 50 MILLION

363

PEOPLE IN SOUTH KOREA, AND THEY
GET MORE PLASTIC SURGERY THAN

364

WE DO, AND WE HAVE 317 MILLION PEOPLE.

365

MM-HMM.

366

IT'S GOTTEN SO BAD THAT LAST YEAR
THE EDUCATION MINISTRY

367

ISSUED A BOOKLET WARNING KOREAN
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS OF PLASTIC

368

SURGERY SYNDROME. SITING MICHAEL
JACKSON, AND A LOCAL

369

WOMAN WHO'S ADDICTION TO PLASTIC
SURGERY LEFT HER WITH A

370

GROSSLY SWOLLEN FACE.

371

SO THEY'RE LIKE TRYING-- SO IT
SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE DOING LIKE A

372

SAY NO TO DRUGS CAMPAIGN, BUT
FOR PLASTIC SURGERY.

373

FOR PLASTIC SURGERY. IT'S FUNNY
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY DON'T--

374

MAYBE I'M WRONG, BUT I FEEL LIKE
WHEN PEOPLE REALLY MESS

375

WITH THEIR FACES HERE THEY'RE
ON EVERY MAGAZINE FOR THE WRONG

376

REASONS. LIKE, LOOK HOW BAD
THEY FUCKED UP THEIR FACE. THAT FACE

377

LOOKS CRAZY. LOOK AT THAT
DISASTER. NICOLE KIDMAN HAS

378

WAY TO MUCH BOTOX. THAT'S
UGLY... YOU KNOW.

379

YEAH.

380

I FEEL LIKE WHEN PEOPLE START DOING
TO MUCH OF IT, IT LOOKS

381

STRANGE. THE POINT OF IT I
THINK, A LOT OF TIMES, IS TO MAKE

382

IT LOOK LIKE YOU HAVEN'T HAD
ANYTHING DONE.

383

WELL, I'LL GET TO THIS, BUT IT'S
REALLY DRAMATIC OVER THERE--

384

YEAH.

385

--LIKE PEOPLE ARE CHANGING
THEIR ENTIRE FACES.

386

RIGHT.

387

IT'S THEY'RE SHAVING JAW BONES.
THEY'RE OPENING EYES. THEY'RE

388

GETTING NOSE JOBS. UM, THEY'RE
GETTING EYBROW LIFTS. THEY'RE

389

GETTING ALL OF IT DONE AT THE
SAME TIME. IN GENERAL THIS IS

390

EFFECTING WOMAN, AND HOW
WOMAN ARE VIEWED, AND THE PRESSURE

391

THAT WOMAN FEEL TO STAY YOUNG,
AND STAY RELEVANT, BECAUSE OF

392

HOW THEIR FACE IS VIEWED.
ESPECIALLY IN SOCIETIES LIKE

393

THIS. GUYS ARE GETTING THE
SURGERIES, BUT IT IS MOSTLY WOMAN.

394

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IS THAT
PEOPLE ARE GETTING THE SURGERY

395

AND LOOK SO DIFFERENT THAN
THEIR OLD SELVES. IF THEY'RE

396

FLYING INTO SOUTH KOREA
THEY'RE GETTING STOPPED AT CUSTOMS,

397

BECAUSE THEIR PHOTOS DON'T MATCH.

398

(BRYAN): THE PASSPORTS?

399

(ERIN): YEAH. I'M SORRY THE
PASSPORT PHOTOS.

400

THEY'VE RESORTED TO HANDING OUT PLASTIC SURGERY CERTIFICATES.

401

THIS IS WHAT THEY SAID, WE
HAD TO COMPARE THEIR UNCORRECTED

402

PARTS WITH THEIR
PHOTOS VERY CAREFULLY.

403

SO IF YOU DIDN'T FUCK WITH YOUR
LEFT EYEBROW, ARE THOSE

404

EYEBROWS THE SAME?

405

YEAH. IT'S JUST THAT IT'S SO
EXTREME, I DON'T KNOW THAT I HAVE--

406

(SINGS) IT'S ALL THAT I HAVE TO
DO TO MAKE YOU FEEL.

407

I WOULD BE BRUNO BETTENCOURT
OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.

408

JUNO... WHAT'S HIS NAME?

409

I DON'T REMEMBER.

410

WE'RE JUJU BETBEDER.

411

-OK.
-YEAH.

412

I WOULD BE HELEN SLATER,
OR WHOEVER THE HELL THE OTHER ONE

413

WAS.

414

IT WAS HELEN SLATER, YEAH.

415

IT JUST, YOU KNOW WHAT,
IT JUST BUMS ME OUT, LIKE I'VE HAD

416

PLASTIC SURGERY.
I'VE HAD A NOSE JOB.

417

YEAH.

418

I'VE HAD CHEEK IMPLANTS.
I HAD CORNEA REPLACEMENT.

419

I'VE HAD UM, AN EYEBROW,
BASICALLY HARVESTING. YEAH, THEY GREW

420

MY EYEBROWS IN A PETRI,
AND THEN PUT THEM BACK ON.

421

OH, AND THEN PUT
THEM ON YOUR FACE.

422

I'VE HAD A LOT OF PLASTIC SURGERY.

423

MM-HMM.

424

BUT I NEVER LOST ME.

425

YEAH.

426

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

427

I LOVE THAT. THAT SHOULD BE
THE CHILDREN'S BOOK.

428

I MEAN, I UNDERSTAND THE IDEA OF GETTING PLASTIC SURGERY

429

TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER.
I REALLY DO. I'VE NEVER JUDGED

430

ANYONE FOR GETTING A BOOB JOB,
LIKE WITH ANYTHING IT HAS TO BE

431

TASTEFUL, AND LIKE SMALL.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

432

WHEN YOU CHANGE YOUR WHOLE
FACE YOUR BASICALLY NICOLS CAGING

433

YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?

434

-IT'S FACE/OFF.
-HE LOOKS THE SAME TO ME.

435

OH, I SEE.

436

NO, IT'S FACE/OFF. YOU'RE JOHN
TRAVOLTA, TO NICHOLAS CAGE.

437

YOU'RE SWITCHING FACES.

438

MMHHH. I MEAN IT'S... YEAH...

439

AND UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO
BREAK INTO A PRISON TO

440

CLEAR YOUR BROTHER'S NAME
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

441

YEAH, IT'S VERY SAD AND THE
STANDARDS OF BEAUTY CLEARLY

442

AROUND THE WORLD ARE EXTREMELY
HIGH AND UNATTAINABLE.

443

BUT THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE CAN STOP
IT IS BY NOT DOING IT ANYMORE.

444

THAT'S THE PROBLEM, IT'S LIKE WELL
THEY'RE DOING IT. YOU HAVE FREEWILL.

445

I DON'T RECOMMEND THAT.

446

WHAT?

447

I WOULD NEVER RECOMMEND SOMEONE
STOPPING THE PLASTIC SURGERY.

448

NEVER.

449

I'D TELL PEOPLE ON THE STREET,
AND SAY HI, HERE'S MY CARD,

450

AND IT JUST SAYS, YOU NEED IT BAD.

451

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