This Week on Chee-MZ: Maturity is Going Grate!

(Peppy trumpet music)
- Hey Cheeseheads! Over here!
I'm Petrussi Van Wilhelm.
- And I'm Buck Zoop, keepin' locked at cheese o'clock.
- Welcome to Chee-MZ, your one and only source
for the breaking cheese news.
Want a different take on cheese?
Too bad! We're all you have.
- That's right Petrussi, we're back
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with more hard-hitting coverage of the waiting game.
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If you're tuning in we are watching a wheel of cheese mature
until it's ready to become an ingredient Cheez-It Crackers!
(Clock ticking)
Every day, Cheez-It sends experts in
to teach this cheese lessons in maturity,
like the cheese's first maturation exercise: patience.
Let's take a look at expert Connie's methodology.
- Wooh!
Wooh!
Wooh!
It's a Zen Garden.
You could pretend you're a little person,
just raking in the snow.
- I wish an expert would teach me about patience!
Because I can't wait
to see what else the cheese learned this week.
- Well Buck, you'll just have to hold your horses.
- I don't wanna!
- Because the next day expert Tony gave the cheese
a lesson on the maturing properties of wisdom.
- I'm going to use the most popular tool in modern society
to learn wisdom...
Fortune cookies!
Sometimes, the best pearls
are those found in the dirtiest clams.
- Talk about a quote changing your life!
I have to rethink everything!
- You sure do, Buck.
Including your float wear.
- Let's not forget our interloping janitor,
who's given the cheese some real world lessons
that you find in those fancy science books.
- On Friday the 13th, the janitor gave the cheese
some mature insight into what's really scary.
Not a rogue hair, Mundane Adult Responsibilities.
- Now let me tell you about some stuff that's really scary.
Stuff that scares the dickens out of me.
Taxes!
The insane price of attendin' a friend's bachelor party!
Planning for retirement!
(Both screaming)
- That was terrifying!
Look, I dialed 9 and 1 on my phone
without even trying to do it!
- Oh! That's a cool reflex!
I love that about you.
- Thank you! Beep beep!
- The cheese also mastered a lesson in art with the help
of a professional cheese sculptor.
- Alright, so we're going to sculpt me
and my old buddy the Cheese here.
♫ I'm trying to be polite, I don't wanna be rude-a,
♫ I just want to eat a little more Gouda,
♫ Have a little cheese, you would feel better,
♫ I would love, some of your cheddar
Ah, there we are.
- Oh, god.
- Cheese and me, the maturation expert,
staring in existential horror.
- I really do feel like I'm at a museum
because I do no understand why that is art.
Well, that's it for today's Chee-MZ.
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Tune in next week as we update you on the real-time journey
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of this Cheese as it matures to become an ingredient
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in Cheez-It Crackers.
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Until then, we have just one thing to say.
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- Keep it breezy!
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And keep it cheesy!
- And keep it cheesy!
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(Music fades out)