How I Seize It #83 - "Gangnam Style"

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How I Seize It

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Hey!
And you're back
for another How I Seize It.
And yet again,
for the umpteenth time,
I'm gonna tell you my views on the world
whether you like it or not.
Somebody ask me the other day
why didn't I have a hundred million views
here on the internets
and I said, "I don't know!"
Probably cause all you bitches
spend all your time onlines
lookin' at ignurnt shit!
Somebody asked me the other day
had I seen this viral video
that's been hit on like a bazillion billion times
about some kind of gangum-
Gangum?
Fuck, people seen it like a bazillion times
and I still don't know what the fuck it is.
Sounds like somethin' you make jeans out of.
First off,
this ain't even a real word.
I looked it up in three different dictionaries
and an Encyclopedia of Britanicca.
I tell you what,
this video here is livin' proof
that Ornamental people is just amused by anything.
They must have better equilibriums than I do.
Man, I could only get through about one minute
of that movie before I got dizzy
and I had to do lay down.
I don't speak no Korea,
so I didn't get them lyrics.
What does "Hay Sessay Waday" mean?
Cause that's all he says
except for the title of the song
over and over again
and all that in between shit's just jibberish.
(sings)
Hey Sessay Waday
Gangnam Style!
Gangnam Style!
Hoooo! Huh! Huh!
There's this one dude on there,
he so redneck and he like
goin' "Uh, uh, uh!"
I thought I was gonna puke.
Oppa Gangnam Style!
Gangnam Style!
This is about the most stoopest,
retarded ass piece of this they ever was,
is, has been or ever will be!
So yeah, I watched it.
It ain't nothin' more than a bunch of
freakazoid goddamn commie dancin'.
Y'all better not have him on no
So You Think You A Celebrity Dancer.
I ain't gonna watch it no more if you do.
And I'd like to point out that THIS...?
Is from the mother fuckin' Sixties!
Hell, anybody that's done seen that movie Grease
or done a handjob done know this move!
That ain't no talent!
He all talkin' through the song like
Korean, Korean, Korean...
I don't wanna make ching-chong improv here
cause that would be rude.
I mean like is this-
Is this even singin'?
Y'all keep this stoop music over there
on your side of the planet.
I don't know.
I guess I blame that Vanilla Ice
and that Slim Shady Eminem
for all this fucktardedness.
I mean I'm progressive,
but I'm a traditionalist really.
We need to leave the rappin' to the blacks.
I look up an interview with this Psy Guy
and I can't understand a damn thing he say.
I don't mean about his South Asian accent.
I'm just talkin' bout like-
He say four or five words
and then he off on somethin' else!
They must have some crazy drugs down there,
or else he just got Korean ADD
or some other kind of learnin' disability.
But as with all rags to riches stories,
this Psy-turd has seem to fell outta good graces.
Cause it just broke wind that he hate America
and he been sayin' all kinds of shit behind our back.
You don't even believe!
Hey, here what he said.
And unadulterated,
cause I ain't afraid to say 'fuck'
like the rest of the main lame mainstream media.
Here what he say about us.
"Kill those fucking Yankees
who have been torturing Iraqi captives
all slowly and painful
and they daughters, mothers
and daughter-in-law fathers.
Them is fightin' words you Psy-MothaFucka!
Oh and then he tryin' to make amends with us
sayin' it's all cause he all emotionally charge.
Military vehicle-
These two Korean gals,
they got runned over by some kind of
military US vehicle while I's over there in Iraq.
Well hell,
what was these two gals doin' out of
South Africa anyway, huh?
That's just God's will.
Don't be blamin' us for that shit.

Now I ain't never had it Gangnam Style.
I've had it 'Gangbang Style' a few times,
but thems just for special occasions
onna counta I don't like rubbers.
Psy Guy look like a KingJonIllegitimate children
and you just can't trust that.
Hell he prolly the AntiChrist
and we ain't even gonna know
'til it's too late.
(sucking straw)
Has we had the Apocalypse yet?
(burps)
I tell you what,
that's the kind of culture war that happen
when you don't pre-emptively nuke a nation.
There!
I said it.
Y'all know y'alls thinkin' it.
If you think this video's hip and cool and shit,
You just plum dumb,
you stoop beyond belief,
and you might even be that word
we ain't even supposed to use no more
onna count it makes all the
special ed teachers
get they panties in a wad.
(chuckles)
Least that's How I Seize It.