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Years after their 'City Slickers' narrative was retired, Westworld hosts Mitch (Billy Crystal) & Phil (Daniel Stern) are still happily driving cattle, however Mitch has started to malfunction and it's up to Stubbs (Luke Hemsworth) to analyze why he has gone off his loop.Buy Tickets To The 'Spend the Night With Billy Crystal' Tour
- February 01, 2017
- 1.6m Views
Mitch: Billy Crystal
Phil: Daniel Stern
Stubbs: Luke Hemsworth
Sylvester: Ptolemy Slocum
Clementine: Angela Sarafyan
Cowboy: Alistar Walford
Nude Robot: Ryan Stanger
Nude Robot 2: Parker Seaman
Nude Robot 3: Wesley Schlagenhauf
Written by Jocelyn Richard and Zack Poitras
Executive Producer: Kate Lilly
Producer: Sean Boyle
Producer: Andrew Grissom
Associate Producer: Scott Gallopo
Director: The Director Brothers
1st AD: Gio Cotto-Ortiz
2nd AD: Derek Oishi
DP: Nick Bupp
1st AC: Bryce Platz
2nd AC: Alex Spentzos
DIT: William Maxwell
Gaffer: William Christensen
BBE: Scott Ray
Electric: Matt Krueger
Key Grip: Marlow Nunez
BBG: Kevin Keirstead
Grip: Luis Santos
Production Designer: Tricia Robertson
Set Dec: Maya Levy
Leadman: Vince Voyson
Designer: Nick Plotquin
Sound Mixer: Mike Robertson
Boom OP: Leo Nasca
Hair / Makeup: Brenna Haukedahl
Hair / Makeup Asst: Erin Blinn
Wardrobe: Jordy Scheinberg
Wardrobe Asst: Tess O'Melia
Production Assistant: Tess O'Melia
Production Assistant: Jocey Coffman
Production Assistant: Wes Humphries
Production Assistant: Kara Sanford
BTS: Danny Rosenberg
BTS: Sarah Prinz
Post Producer: Alex Parks
VFX: Ryan McNeely
Compositing: Arnold Aldridge
Editor: Jake Shaver
Colorist: Omar Inguanzo
Mixer: Brandon Kim
Executive Producer: Joe DiSanto
Producer: Margaret Ward
February 01, 2017
[ Westworld title theme ♪ ]
[ Mitch voicing Bonanza theme ♪ ]
♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin', rawhide ♪
- That's enough.
Luke Hemsworth: [Stubbs] Mitchie the Kid.
Luke Hemsworth: Haven't seen you in
here for quite some time.
Luke Hemsworth: You know,
Mitch is one of the oldest house in the park.
Luke Hemsworth: Used to have one of our
Luke Hemsworth: Dissatisfied city slicker rides
out west with his friends
Luke Hemsworth: to herd cattle and try and
find his smile again.
Ptolemy Slocum: [Sylvester] Does finding a smile involve
going completely off his loop?
Luke Hemsworth: Why don't we ask him?
Luke Hemsworth: I always wanted to do this.
Luke Hemsworth: Mitch... Hellooo?
Luke Hemsworth: Do you know where you are?
Billy Crystal: Uh, the waiting room of the CIA?
Billy Crystal: Or the waiting room at CAA?
Billy Crystal: This place has less privacy
than Trump Tower. [giggles]
Luke Hemsworth: Limit your witty affect please.
Billy Crystal: Hm.
Luke Hemsworth: What happened in the park today?
Billy Crystal: Uh, today was like any other day.
Billy Crystal: I woke up, hearded some cows,
Phil took an hour to pee,
Billy Crystal: and you know, same old same old,
just living the life. [giggles]
Luke Hemsworth: Analysis.
- Are you lying to me?
- Oh yeah.
Ptolemy Slocum: This is footage of when
he started malfunctioning.
[gun shot, screams in the background]
Luke Hemsworth: What is it with the milk?
He does like cows though, so.
Daniel Stern: Do I set it to channel 3
and then press record?
Billy Crystal: Doesn't matter what
channel you're on.
- You just have to press the button.
Daniel Stern: And then you put the tape in?
Billy Crystal: [shouting] The tape is already in ya moron!
- What are they even talking about?
- They're talking about programming a VCR.
Luke Hemsworth: That's a 90s thing.
Luke Hemsworth: I'm resetting your annoyance levels and
doubling your tolerances for Phil, so.
Luke Hemsworth: Mitchie the Kid,
you should be good to go.
Billy Crystal: Thank you,
other Hemsworth Brother. [giggles]
Luke Hemsworth: Never gets old.
Get the wood.
Can't cook [bleep] without a fire.
Ah, don't sell yourself short, cookie.
You can cook [bleep] in all conditions.
Billy Crystal: [whispering]
What are you doing with these guys?
Billy Crystal: They're digging dirt for gold.
Billy Crystal: I didn't come here for that,
I came here to push cows.
Daniel Stern: Well, a lot of gold miners
are also cowboys.
[cowboy] Hey! Now pick up that
[bleep] axe and go chop us...
Billy Crystal: [Mitch] They're just dirt guys.
[stammers] I mean, look at...
Billy Crystal: How come everybody's frozen
and we didn't freeze?
Daniel Stern: I didn't freeze
because you didn't freeze.
Billy Crystal: Do you have to do
everything that I do Phil?
Billy Crystal: Can't you just be your own man?
Daniel Stern: [stammers] What kind of man
do you think I should be?
- A dead one.
- [gun shot]
Luke Hemsworth: [Stubbs] Mitch. Phil.
Luke Hemsworth: Bring yourselves back online.
Billy Crystal: Oh, this can't be good.
- Are we in detention?
- I don't know where the hell we are.
Billy Crystal: Last thing I remember is I
was riding on the plains with Curly,
Billy Crystal: and he was trying to
teach me the secret to life.
- Secret to life?
- Ooh, yeah.
- What was it?
- He said it was one thing, just one thing.
- Your finger?
- No, not my fingers.
Billy Crystal: It is one thing.
You stick to the one thing in your life,
- and everything else means [bleep]
- Wow. What was it?
Billy Crystal: That you have to figure
out for yourself.
Daniel Stern: That's a load of crap. Seriously, what was it?
What was the one thing?
- [indistinct background talking]
- Obviously, their core friendship
Luke Hemsworth: parameters need to be realigned.
- What is the one thing? The one thing--
- The one thing is this!
Luke Hemsworth: Freeze all motor functions.
Daniel Stern: So the secret to life is shooting me?
Ptolemy Slocum: [Sylvester] Now they're not
responding to vocal commands.
- ...Go ahead. Go ahead. Right here.
- I'll prep for a decommission.
- Shoot me!
- [gun shot]
Daniel Stern: You shot me!
Billy Crystal: Hey fellas, where the hell are we?
Billy Crystal: What is this, the Kevorkian Ear
Nose and Throat Clinic? [giggles]
Ptolemy Slocum: Shut up.
Ptolemy Slocum: Just imagine I am a dentist,
but for your nose.
- Tilt your head back please Mitch.
- [drilling starts]
Ptolemy Slocum: [Sylvester] There we go.
Daniel Stern: Oooh, right in the schnoz.
Daniel Stern: [Phil] Mitch? Pal?
Billy Crystal: Goddammit!
Billy Crystal: [Mitch] Ah! I can breathe again.
Billy Crystal: This is unbelievable!
Billy Crystal: See, I'm from Long Island.
We had a lot of allergies when I was a kid.
Billy Crystal: My parents were gonna send me to
Scottsdale Arizona to grow up in a dry environment.
Luke Hemsworth: Take it easy!
- Can you do the other side?
- That's it. I've had enough.
Luke Hemsworth: You're both going into cold storage.
Daniel Stern: Why is everybody naked?
Angela Sarafyan: Because all the hosts are naked.
- Why aren't you guys naked?
- Um, cause it's in HD.
- Boobs. Eh.
- You guys are cute.
- Hi, I'm Mitch.
- I'm Clementine.
Angela Sarafyan: Not much of a rind on you.
- I'll give you a discount.
- How much?
Angela Sarafyan: It's $5 dollars for an hour,
it's $4 if you bathe first.
Billy Crystal: Does it have to be
an hour all at once?
Billy Crystal: Can it be spread out
over like a month or two.
- We could--
- We'll work something out.
Billy Crystal: Oh good, okay.
Daniel Stern: Holy [bleep]. $5 bucks.
Daniel Stern: Anybody? I got 5.
- I got 5! Hello?
- [cow bellows]
Billy Crystal: [Mitch] Norman, not now!